Friday, April 25, 2008

green, and why it's a cool colour

Peas: Dude I treated myself. Bought myself a bright green jersey for Ireland.
3RM: Dude, what - do you think people run around there solely wearing green?
Peas: I'd imagine they wear more green than the average international Green Standards.
3RM: You've read one too many Lonely Planet books.
Peas: Dude, you're telling me that I won't fit into Ireland more than say if I was wearing red?
3RM: No dude, I mean do you think Ireland is a place of rolling green hills and little rainbows with pots of gold at the end?
Peas: Yes. I do. Give or take.
3RM: Dude.

[pause]

3RM: Oh wait, it says here in this book you can take a...Paddywagon.
Peas: What? Show me!
3RM: [shows me bright green advert - so green my eyes sting]
Peas: Oh there's NO GREEN there 3RM, none.
3RM: They know who their target market is dude. There's a leprechaun sitting on a pot of gold sipping on a Guinness.
Peas: Oh look! 100% Irish drivers. Classic. Do you think they've had complaints? “I wasn't 100% happy with our Paddywagon. Our driver was from Hounslow.”

[pause]

Peas: C'mon dude, I know people that go to Ireland and kiss the Blarney Stone and stuff.
3RM: Oh dude, it says here...if you're ever in distress in Ireland, like an emergency, you just have to wave a piece of green clothing about to get help.
Peas: Fuck off.
3RM: Dude, the fire engines there are green.
Peas: Yes, I suppose their straight jackets are also green too.
3RM: Oh wait dude, you actually need to go to Scotland.
Peas: Why's that?

[holds up book]

The Wild & Sexy Highlands. Free Haggis on sign-up
[Picture of an exceptionally hairy bagpipe-laden man in a kilt, juxtaposed with a furry animal yak thing.]

The Ireland ad on the other hand:

Ireland: It rocks!
[Cue beautiful naked man (with a graphic clover over his nethers) standing next to an archaic statue holding up a Guinness with a look of pure glee on his face.]

That's more like it.

Peas: You can't tell me that on St Paddy's Day in Ireland people rock up in red.
3RM: Yeah maybe if they're colour blind.
Peas: I'm not sure I'm going to understand a word they're saying. In London, it's all good. In fact, it's chavtastic. I can't wait to ask a chav on the tube whether they're bovvered.
3RM: Dude you'll be beaten up.
Peas: I'll wear my scarf. In my scarf....I'm untouchable.
3RM: Dude, if you ask a chav whether she's bovvered...I'd say it's probably best not to.
Peas: How am I going to help myself? I'm in London for six days. It's going to happen.
3RM: Don't wave a green cloth around.
Your jersey is like one of those My friend went to London and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Peas: Hey! I am a tourist.
Martha Stewart: She's a tourist, she's allowed. Stop being so critical, pour me another drink.

The man immediately shuts up.

PS: I think I maybe might've sort of found me a new home!

37 comments:

Billy said...

Morning Peas!

Vern made an appearance on Isidingo last night! My wife watches it.......

Happy Friday.

Peas on Toast said...

Morning Bill no ways, get the hell out! He couldn't stop on ads, he's gone soap operas! That's bloody fantastic - any idea what he did, did he speak or anything?

Spectacles said...

Ah Peas I envy you! Going to Ireland! So unfair.. Maybe you could meet a nice Irish boyo like in P.S. I Love You?

Speaking of Green.. My other half is an Irishman and he's colour blind.. Yup.. Cant even see Green..

Peas on Toast said...

Spectales - oh m god, bless! So is St Paddy's Day one of those affairs where colour doesn't really come into it?
Ha ha, on meeting an Irish dude...well I'm just not sure I'm going to understand a word that comes out of his mouth (not that this should be a hassle or nuffink) :)

Billy said...

He acted! Spoke but nothing momentus. He did however do some monster bodybuilding poses! No shit. Was a laugh. Im sure the clip will appear shortly.

Billy said...

Found it!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Nim94nNrdg

kyknoord said...

We're all green with envy.

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - oh my God, can't wait to see this!

Kyk - I'm just green. I'm that pure :)

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - FUCK THAT'S HIGHSTERICAL!

How those stances? The holding-cup stance, the sideways-flex stance, h my God, hilarious!

leez said...

Oh my fucking word!!!!

Hilarious!! I wonder whats next? Top Billing?...

Anyway Green is a cool colour. 85% of my wardrobe consists of various shades and I don't have a smidge of Irish blood. Go figure.

L

Peas on Toast said...

leez - I wondwe what's next indeed - do you think he'll take over the Verimark infomercials from the late Isobel Jones?? Perhaps selling fruit slicers and abflexes?

Tam said...

Ireland is Lovely - mostly of the Irish seem to wear shades of black. I can totally see you rocking Temple Bar!

leez said...

I think Mnet will give him his own series. A kind of Chuck Norris meets Die Nutsman with that chick Tanya van Graan as a love interest.

Riveting stuff...

Peas on Toast said...

Tam - oooh what's the Temple Bar??

Leez - now you're talking. Tanya and Vernon, with cameo guest appearance: Leon Schuster. :)

the branch manager said...

Pollies for being so uncool, but WTF is "bowered"? Is that the same as bovvered, like?

Ches said...

Vern should start his own reality show...follow him around with a helmet cams and stuff! Kinda like 'The Simple Life', mixed with 'Bounty Hunter' and 'Dancing with the Stars!'

Peas, have a great long weekend...I'm taking my Irish ass off to the bush...Cheers bye.

KaB said...

Peas...that Blarney Stone is apparently not the real one & people have gone kissing it in their masses! So beware...the Irish will take you for what you're with...believe me...it runs in my blood! I'm an Irish lass minus the accent...bejaysus I thank me dad for being an Irishman!

And that Paddywagon tours thing looks awesome...I'm looking at doing it in December sometime! You must go to the Guinness factory shop by the by...you can drink yourself from under yourself!

And I'd bet a 4 leaf clover that the Irish wear green on St Paddy's day...no shit there!

Good luck on the not bovvered front...I reckon it'd be a hoot! That reminds me, I've taped some Catherine Tate on the telly...will go home & roll off the couch pissing myself laughing!

Jam said...

I wonder if leprechauns are attracted to green jerseys. And if they give you extra pots of gold if you are wearing green. Be careful though, you may get lost in the rolling hills...er, where is Peas? mmm...look! that piece of landscape just moved!

Peas on Toast said...

branch manager - I don't know what "bowered" is, bovvered is a word all on it's own: look at mt face, does it look bovvered?

Ches - you little game ranger, enjoy the bushes, you lucky half-Lithuanian! :)

Kab - awesome, thanks so much for the head's up moi Oirish lass, I needed this: some straight up advice on this and that! And yes the Guinness factory is a must-see apparently, although I'm not, like, the world's number one Guinness fan and will drink one where necessary, still keen to have a looksie!

Jam - hahahahahaha! You should see what the green looks like with the SCARF! Lassie, they're gonna LOOVE OOT! :)

happy snapper said...

yay for the possibly maybe kindof new place! YES! (do it with the swift arm pump action)

aah i wanna go to Ireland too! I have green things...i even have green shoes. That means I can come. But i dont have a cool scarf....so I am bovvered. Thanks Katherine Tait.

Ohh...I need cream soda badly. HEY!!! Cream soda is green. Do they make that in Ireland. I know, forget Guinness, have me cream soda in Ireland and give a cheers to Snaps :) ha ha

Peas on Toast said...

snapper - ooooh, GREEN! I CAN KNIT YOU A GREEN one if you like!

Cream soda, God, I think I've just had too much of that stuff in my lifetime... :0

happy snapper said...

OOOOOHHH!!!! yes pleeeeeaaase! That sounds BRILLiant! I could wear the GREEN scarf with my GREEN shoes, and drink GREEN cream soda! I love it!! Im doing a little dance at my desk.

aah, I suppose cream soda is not for everyone. it is my staple...i have cream soda in my veins. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Snapper - I know what should sort out your aversion for cream soda. Just got to the Colony Arms every weekend in a row for a year.

You'll be glad you did. It's that revolting. :)

happy snapper said...

ha ha ha ha!
NO!!! I cant taint my love for the greeny goodness :) I will never be cured of cream soda, he he.

Peas on Toast said...

Hhahaha, ok I tell you what: visit the Colony Arms just once. On a Saturday night. When it's filled with rugga bugga small town-turned big city guys, who will proceed to vomit up and urinate cream soda all over the place. Then lunge at you.

Just once. I firmly believe that's all it will take. :)

happy snapper said...

The lunge. Its the lunge. the lunge will get me, I know it.
:)

Peas on Toast said...

I just recommend not walking around with your mouth open. :)

happy snapper said...

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

the branch manager said...

Bloody hell, got it figured. The font on your blog, makes a doublevee look like a doubleyou.
Look, here is a doublevee, or veevee, like: "vv". And here is a doubleyou or wuh, like: "w". Som I'm not bovvered at all, anymore, like...

Because of this, my comment made like no sense at all.

leez said...

Branch Manager. We all kinda got it.

But that was an amusing attempt at clarification.

Sheena Gates said...

Okay seriously, so through ALL of that Dude'ing and gumflapping, you couldn't find the time to tell 3rm I say hi?

Shocking.

PS: 3rm - *blushing* HI!

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Oh dear! How hysterical...in fact, why not go full out...rent a shrek costume and you'll constantly be green!

Does it count that I'm green with envy that you're going overseas?

Have a fab long weekend xx

Peas on Toast said...

WAHAHAHAHAHA, all you lot are are a riot! :)

Cards, the lot of you! tee hee :)

(PS: just had a glass of wine)

third said...

:) Hey Sheena

Sheena Gates said...

OOOH. Hello sexy 3rm!

Peas on Toast said...

Sorry Sheena, Third got here before he got my message. :)

Listen this oke is like my brother. So calling him sexy....wow 3RM you lucky bastard! :)

Send Sheena some cyber trinchada dude, c'mon do it!

Far Away said...

Hey Peas thanks for dropping by.

Actually I wanted you to do this survey here (proper link this time) in my sidebar.

Only takes a minute. Ta
http://far-away-scriptwriter.blogspot.com/2008/04/blog-survey-is-here.html