Monday, April 14, 2008

sexytime

Friday I whacked on my sexy heels, a skirt, shaved the old legs and headed out with Jam and Hot Pink. I ventured forth into the dark world of nightclubbing to prove I can still do it.

Well the outcome was amazingly entertaining.

For a first night out on the town in a month or two, it was an absolute slice. Of sheer entertainment.

First we watched Lion perform (and beautifully too) with his band at the Bohemian, (when last did I go to this place?) and then headed to Fuel Cafe.

In town and everything. In the dead of night. (My mate was driving.)

Arrive and kind of fanny about on the dancefloor, to this deep house kind of stuff, and kind of innocuously start wondering whether I should start taking my iPod to these new places I'll start going to. Not that the music was bad...but I was kind of in the mood for whacking on my iPod and rocking out to 2Unlimited. I heard in Europe they have clubs like this, FYI. Where people rock up in headphones and dance to their own stuff. I like.

Then this completely outrageous camp fellow wearing a tie and sparkly shirt joins the area. He was an absolute peach. As you shall soon see. His dance moves were cheesy, yet edgy – a magical concoction.

Then suddenly, cue left, out of nowhere, enters Desperately Seeking Horny Lesbian Woman. She was mantastic in every sense of the word. One of those lesbians on a mission to find any willing poen out there; it looked like my night of finding male friends was going to have to wait until next week.

Because this manbian was unstoppable.

First she made a beeline for Jam. Jam being the sweet, patient woman amongst us, she got cornered by the mangina in what looked like a giant mansandwich. A guy on the one side and this lady-man on the other.

Manbian didn't really seem to have much preferences after that. She just kept banging away until someone surrendered. She waltzed up to me and gave me...the look. The Look. Do you have any idea how terrifying that is? (Although I burst into laughter afterwards, I mean what can a straight dick-loving girl do?)

She shimmied up to me, did this little boobie dance in my face and gave me the look, squarely, with eye contact, like, right in my face.
After that she started fondling Hot Pink's ass and trying her luck there.

It was poetry. It was beautiful, in a really unaesthetic way. Come hell or high water this raging lesbian was going to come right. Somehow.

Perhaps she was encroaching on space here, and trying to mark her territory on every tree on the dancefloor, but Completely Outrageous Camp Fellow Wearing The Tie suddenly decided he'd had enough.
He stopped doing the cheesy, edgy dance moves, threw his hand up to his wearisome brow, and said in a rather flamboyant manner, “You stink. Please leave.”

She didn't leave, but ten out of ten for Completely Outrageous Camp Bitch for actually saying something.

If she was a strap-on, vases would be knocked off tables all around the establishment.

At 1:30am (My God! Granny's out late! Without the scarf even!) Hot Pink vocalised her desire for a “hot German Sausage” (Babe, I would never say no to a hot German sausage. Don't we all want a hot German sausage?) So we hit Catz Pyjamas in Melville and I smashed an entire burger in my face. The whole thing.

Got home at 3:00am.

What a fucking hilarious evening. Next time I'll bring iPod and wear my I Prefer The Penis t-shirt, but whatever. What a gas.

Felt the first real hangover I've had in 4 months. Wasn't nice – God remember those - and needed to sort it out with a large farmhouse brekky with The Dove.

Yesterday I went on a day long hike in the Magaliesberg with two friends. It was fabulous, if not hilarious (and watching for black mamba's everytime I climbed over a rock). So nice to get out into the country, like.

Back to cafe culture, fabulous.

46 comments:

Kel said...

Well done for going out naked! (a.k.a sans scarf)

Peas on Toast said...

Kel - haha, I left my "blankie" at home :)

Anonymous said...

Fuck you bitch.

You're off sides, its not closure you're after.

Anita

Peas on Toast said...

Fuck me. WHAT???

Hot Pink said...

hey love
that had me rolling on the floor all over again...
wot a laugh!
so glad you came out (er,...of the house that is)
xxxx
Anita? wtf?

Peas on Toast said...

Hot Pink - such an awesome evening babe. So hilarious!

As for the comment above, I'll leave it there. It's too unbelievable for words.

Kel said...

off sides?
wtf? Am I missing something here?
yoh! Siss Anita,go wash your dirty little mouth out with soap,or Jik...

Peas on Toast said...

Kel -I believe she's missing something here.
But whatever, this is her thing, not mine.

Anonymous said...

What's too unbelievable Laurian?
Do you want me to elaborate a bit?


Anita

Peas on Toast said...

No Anita, I don't. I think writing a comment like that means perhaps you should elaborate. I wrote my letter based on getting closure and peace and wishing him the best of luck in his life with you. And saying considerably nice things about you, if I remember correctly. Or did you miss that part?

I think bearing that insecurity up here isn't doing you justice. I am shocked you would think anything otherwise, frankly.

This is all I will say about that. Because the rest - I truly am missing a part of the puzzle here with regards to your reaction. And I don't wish to be a part of it. Or apologise for a letter of good intention.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jam said...

I need to cultivate an ice queen aura, i need to cultivate an ice queen aura. Had an amazing night too, Peas.
Er...Anita..are you feeling okay?

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - Ice queen aura is good. :)

I have nothing more to really say, because I think somebody's got the complete wrong end of the stick here. Of course I care for me ex, and that's why I wrote the letter to start off with. But as far as intention goes, that's where it ends.

Enough, I can't believe she even reads this.

MsBehavn said...

Gee whizz, I think I've stumbled into the middle of something here.

Ummm, I'm glad you went out sans scarf et al, Peas. :)

Peas on Toast said...

MsBehavn - I'm going out sans scarf now, that's good right? ;)

MsBehavn said...

It's fabulous, Peas. I'm so very proud ;)

Peas on Toast said...

I'm going to delete the last comment Anita.

I wouldn't usually do this, but I feel if you're talking respect here, I think taking Steve's private email and pasting it up here in a matter of words, doesn't show respect. So I'm taking it off. You can continue to paste stuff up here about how much I irritate you, that's fine.

But I'm going to do you a favour, and take that off.

Anonymous said...

No, you didn't delete it out of respect for anyone but rather because you have too much to hide from the public and there were a few home truths about yourself....

Sheena Gates said...

jesusfuck. what a fucking bitch. anita fuck right off.

Sheena Gates said...

*Ahem*

I love Outrageous Camp Guy!!!!!

I was at the I heart Dbn party on Saturday and nearly doid laughing at all the prancing fairies, who had their shirts tied up in knots near their manboobs. What a jol!

Kel said...

oh please Anita.I dont know the storie here but you are coming across very aggressively.
Jealous much perhaps?
Peas you should just delete the whole lot.
Censorship has its place lol.

Illa said...

Anita, is this really necessary? You two obviously know eachother so why not have it out in private? This is so not cool...
Peas, heads up girl. I think you're incredibly brave for sharing your life with all of us who religously read your blog. Don't pay that bitch any mind.

MsBehavn said...

Someone pass the popcorn, please!

Jam said...

You can put as much truth as you choose to out there, Peas. It's your blog and you can do what you want. And I know you're always unflinchingly honest and courageous.

Peas on Toast said...

Phew. OK so am sitting here having a fabulous cup of coffee with a mate, and I hear something about home truths. Wow. I really cannot believe what a song and dance you're making of this.

Happy Mondays, and yes let's get some popcorn!

Jam said...

*munch* *munch*
passes popcorn

Jam said...

and yeah, perhaps we should get back to "sexytime" hehe

Illa said...

Why do I get the feeling that Anita is the lesbo that hit on you :-) Eish she doesnt take rejection very well does she...

Kel said...

Illa I just spat my coffee all over my keyboard ha ha ha

Peas on Toast said...

Anita you have taken this completely out of context. And I don't think this is the right forum for you to raising your issues.

If you want to continue with this, you're welcome to drop me an email and I'll dignify it with a response. But the response will be pretty much what I've said here, but for the sake of your dignity - because this I believe is a private matter - you're welcome to email me.

Happy days. How's that popcorn. Munch munch.

Illa said...

Kel - I usually just read the blog and never comment but this woman just hit a nerve...

leez said...

So..... some exciting stuff hey?!!!

anyway getting back to your actual post: Although some may think its totally hilarious when some lesbo chick comes up to and baltantly tries to get into your pants that is so way not kif. I mean really. Its kinda, like embarrasing.

Okay, all jokes asideI have nothing against anyone and I have been known to swing each way but someone getting into your space without invitation or encouragement is totally wrong. Especially with friends who have selective memories.

oh.. Wasn't gonna mention anything but to that Anita chick whoever she is. I don't know what happened and not really interested. Take your shit elesewhere and leave our little blogging community in peace.

Nessers said...

Shees the one day I am late and all this happens - never again I tell you will I be late.

Heads up Peas there is always one

Revolving Credit said...

So Peas, you so almost got lucky this weekend! If onlt the completely outrageous camp fellow had not intervened.

zuzula said...

ooh blimey... somebody's cage has been rattled, non?

anyhoo, yes, we have silent discos over here. Absolutely brilliant - loads of people dancing away with headphones with no audible music! I don't think you bring your ipod though, i think you choose from different channels broadcast by the club. Must be fun trying to figure out who's dancing to the same tunes as you...

Anonymous said...

Put the email back up... This awesome (sorry Peas, very inconsiderate but I need something to get me through the day and I love a bit of scandal!).

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks leez :) Yeah this woman was gunning for Jam in a huge way, and then failing that sort of tried her luck with everyone else. It was amusing if not a little scary :)

Nessers - yeah indeed!

Rev - hahahaha, these walls were firmly closed, believe you me :)

Zu - oh man, which means I could choose my own playlist and everything? "So watcha listening to?" (Answer: Dr Alban.) Oy vey, let's dance together china :)

Anon - sure scandal is fun and all, but this scandal isn't that interesting. At least from my point of view!

KATE said...

Anita

quick question...since we are being all grown up and clearly you feel the need to be heard...Do we all really need to be dragged in to this.

Firstly, and most importantly Peas spends her life muddling through things, this is her safe place and you are being incredibly hurtful by airing your dirty laundry for the world to see. This is our place where we share our lives with peas, and if you need to bring up something that is clearly personal why would you do it here? You want to expose her? for doing what? Nothing you throw at us will make us think any less of this woman! She dishes it out honestly and admirably all the time, she doesn't pull any punches especially with herself.

I have the honor of knowing this wonderful person in the flesh and what continues to make me love her is how, despite what life's knock throw at her she takes it in her stride. She has been through enough in the past year without you having to have your little 15 mins of fame (you sad sad sad person)

If she felt that it was time to write something down and send it to someone who played a very important part of her life for a long time, to let go, she did it because she needed to heal. Of course that person (S) can do what they like with it...(as clearly he did)....thats not the point... send it to CNN for all she/we/the man in the moon cares but i guarantee she did it with no malice or hurtfulness.

I would just like to say from a trained professional point of view that your reaction is one of jealousy and fear! People in stable, committed, trust worthy relationships do not feel this need to act this way.

The transparency of your reaction is very worrisome and i think you should seek professional help. I would be more then welcome to suggest a relationship councilor in your area.

Pea pod, my darling girl i wish i could remove these ugly people from your life. I think you are brave to seek closure from those who have hurt you, and dont believe anyone when they tell you there is a time limit attached, there isnt...take it in your stride with your long lanky legs.

and show two fingers to anyone who tries to stop you!!

Love you my friend!

XX

KATE said...

sorry pea followers for my rant i am just very protective of her...shes like my little sis and i dont want her mushed anymore!!

XX

Anita - this however does not mean i dont mean what i say 100000%

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Kate, I'm so glad you understand my intentions over here. And I so appreciate your thoughts.

So much for wanting peace and tranquility around here eh? Anyway, I still believe I did the right thing, based on what I said - it's been a mad monday. Christ. :)

Anyway I love you right back babe and thanks for knowing exactly who I am. xxxx

zuzula said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silent_Disco

Peas on Toast said...

Ah awesome, thanks Zu!

Anonymous said...

I checked out the silent disco link and it sounds totally awesome. Do we have one like that in South Africa?
Leez

Peas on Toast said...

Leez - isn't it fantastic?? Nope I don't think we have one here, but shit it would be a good thing to start eh?

zuzula said...

if you start one i promise to come to the inaugural event!

Ches said...

OMG Pea's! Ha ha...I got this notice on Amatomu that 'I've been linked to Pea's on Toast - Sexytime', so since I've started blogging again, decided to check it out...Didn't find a link but Jeezuz Fooking hell I've arrived on Desperate Housewives!!! As for your friend Anita, she clearly needs some time with Yogi Raman to remove the demon from her damaged soul...anyways...Ches is back. Hope you're well LJ, see you soon. C.