Thursday, May 22, 2008

anyone for a chelsea bun?

By the way, the title of this post should be I love buns. But whatever, lame.

Being one of the only girl conglomerates in my office, and because all I've heard over the past few days are the words 'Chelsea', 'Man United' and '[Your team] is gonna take it up the batty,' I was coerced last night to go and watch the game with all of them.

I was willing to compromise. I'd move some boxes and watch Men In Trees first, to top up my own reserves of super-oestrogen, then pull through for the second half.

Also, my male colleagues told me that I'd have nothing to talk to the British okes about when I get there.

Oh ye of little faith. How wrong you are. There's plenty I'd chat about, doncha worry about that.

My colleagues also said if I don't watch the soccer with them, I'm 'a girl.' For God's sake, I have a mouth like an oke. Give me some fucking credit.
Just because I have better things to do like count my petticoats, straighten my hair, and play with lipstick colours, you can't call me a girl. Oh and one reckons, later on at the pub, 'Peas, you have a large mouth in the office, but you drink like a girl.'

I might take my shots in sips these days because Granny isn't used to them anymore, but shit, we Jaegerbombed last night. I'm such a sucker. (But not a girl. A girl in the true sense of the word, but not a GIRL. A hot blooded woman who can give a dude a run for his money. Ha!)

Give me a pub, a beer, footie on in the background, a British dude who isn't a yob, and I'll talk to him about a LOT of stuff other than David Beckham's proteges, boys.

Anyway it was fun. We ended up having a heeeyuge bender. Phuza Wednesday is going to kill me. Oh Jesus Christ, we have no voices left. Chelsea lost and this is not good. One of the boys ate the bar tab and washed it down with his beer, and they played Sing Hallelujah. See? In these Chino Pant places, they play fucken Monster Hits.

And sheeh do I live to regret it this morning. It's gonna be a very quiet office today.


c@th said...

*sends Peas a greasy breakfast*

you go girl. X

Peas on Toast said...

c@th - oh my sack, PLEASE send me a greasy spoon of a breakfast!

I'm the first one in, and I am having cold flushes.:(

c@th said...

oh shit. i know this one WELL>

order extreme grease n carbs NOW.

blame everyone around you for your headache. theyre making too much noise!

first one in? EXCELLENT. Look really busy by typing furiously all day (actually whilst youre chatting online! wah!). eat everything and drink coca-cola not water. Serious. Water makes it worse. Under NO circumstances drink anything else.

Oh, and if youre the first one in, you get to be the first one to leave! go home and nap you dedicated worker bee!


Anonymous said...

Cold flushes? Maybe it's your body's reaction to not being a GIRL and you're going through MENopause?

Peas on Toast said...

c@th - one little red ambulance comin' up! Now there're two of us in the office, we're on the hunt for a large farmhouse breakfast! :)

Kyk - are you trying to say I'm a dude, dude? ;) My vajayjay is still very much alive, FYI. It's bad being 'a GIRL', but I think it could be worse being 'a GUY' :)

ClayOne said...

Im soooo sleepy

Peas on Toast said...

Clay - Who were you rooting for?? God, where is my breakfast, I want to cry.

ClayOne said...

Man united all the way.
All the way into this semi comatose state

leez said...

Theres this GIRL next to me who decided to rub victory in my face. Shes taunting me. I know she is.

She has her cubicle decorated with Man U pics and she has a cap poised loftily on her kop.

And she's humming that glory song.

And shes a GIRL. I'm mot even talking about those dudes who are staggering in now.

I need some of those areshole plugs.


Charmskool said...

Ooo Peas you fell for the oldest guy trick in the book. They call you a "girl" so that you will prove that you can drink like a guy so that the next day (today in fact) you are in as much pain as they are and don't sit there lookiing smug and offering them paracetamol while they suffer and you preen. How do I know? Been there many times - smug feels better!

3rm said...

you blogged about football. oh dear, how the mighty have fallen. you may very well have to downgrade to flat shoes and lager forever after...

Jam said...

I'm with you...champagne hangover. Ow owowowow.
You should always be pleased you're a girl...rather that than an emotional mollusc.

Peas on Toast said...



Leez - and this creature is a woman??? Is she..interested in woman's...nether regions?

Chamr - I got baited good and proper. I was master baited. I dropped the ball. It won't happen again. :)

3RM - don't push it ;)

Jam - champagne, you lucky girl! All I can taste is stale Jaegermiester. Yuck. Mock charge.

Ches said...

I am sorry, I love sport, and all sport. But I cannot bare to watch a bunch of naffy babies performing like greased up lab monkeys!!!

Sorry Pea's...just think the hype is overrated! :)

Revolving Credit said...

I'm with 3rm on this.

Trying to get into the Chav role is one thing, but becoming a lager lout..really!

I think you should get your work mates back. Seeing as they are there to help you in your understanding of British okes, you should invite them 'round to watch an Eastenders omnibus with you...and while they're at at, help you move some more boxes!

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - bet you couldn't watch a whole game. And bet you couldn't down twelve beers while you're at it. Bet you couldn't. You're such a girl.

HAHAHAHA. No, I agree to a level. I prefer the international games where France actually wins [for a change].

Rev - so you think I've taken chavtastic to a heinous level of chavilry do you? I tried to get them to help me move boxes this Saturday but no dice. These guys are onto me like a fat kid to a doughnut.

3rm said...

after watching WWIII break out here the other day with rev on my side i'll take on all comers. in that spirit let me say: peas, following last nights antics and this mornings blog i think you're frighteningly close to not only enjoying five day tests but giving a running commentary on this blog...think about it

leez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leez said...

I'm tired. Typing crap.

Peas: Yes she is- I think. She wears Tupac T-shirts on casual fridays tho... will check!

Jam: emotional mollusc? Ouch!!

Ches: totally agree. Those so called men are sissies. Just look at the way Terry(?!) cried. and cried. and cried. Rugger is more a man's game.

Revolving Credit said...

What, a bunch of guys who are to scared to lift a few boxes, but rather let the woman do it while they stay home, play with their wii and masturbate.

What's wrong with them, are they a bunch of girls??

Ask if any of them are willing to help you move and unpack your boxes of lingerie?

If you're going to be a baiter, be a master baiter!

Peas on Toast said...



Leez - don't drop your guard. She wants you.

Rev - is there any other baiter? You HAVE to be master baiter, there's second prize.

Ches said...

I actually watch until Trevez started performing and Joe Cole kept tripping himself and rolling around like he was on fire (Chaz - Talladega Nights kind of performance). 12 beers huh, like teatotalering for Ches! :)

Peas on Toast said...

Ches - yeah I forgot, 12 beers is like shooting a fly with a canon ball for you dude :) oh hand Ches - HAPPY FUCKEN BIRTHDAY my friend!

*cue happy birthdays to Ches*

Yeah and poor old John Terry, he's on suicide watch today. That shot was terrible.

Revolving Credit said...

Peazel, if you're going all chavilistic on us again, I have to ask, how serious do you plan on taking this role?
You do still plan on bathing more than once a week I hope?

Ches said...

Thanks Peas, hope to see ya tomorrow night...A-Game!!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - THRICE day if possible. How's this for a luxury: my new house actually has a shower that isn't in the bath. It doesn't have a miserbale wet shower curtain it actually an all round glass wall/doors thing. I have a SEPARATE SHOWER. PROBABLY WITH WATER PRESSURE.


Peas on Toast said...

Ches - I'm gonna bring an A PLUS Game my boy. I can't wait! :)

Revolving Credit said...

We don't believe you. Next time you're in the shower, take a pic and post it...comeon prove it.

PS. Do you run home at lunch for a quick shower?
Sounds like that high pressure waterjet and you are becoming firm friends.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - no boet, ha ha. You dirty bastard :)

But,. however I will take a picture of the glass for you - it'll be truly fascinating :)

The Divine Miss M said...

I didn't watch the football last night and all is well in my world.

Stupid football.

Peas on Toast said...

Miss M - you're a wise wise girl. I feel roughre than a goat's scrotum right now. So I agree. Stupid football.

Ches said...

Did someone say goat???????

Peas on Toast said...

yes little shepherd boy, you bringing the sacred goat to your bash or should I? ;)