Friday, May 23, 2008

giant fizz balls

Well yesterday was funny. At least in the morning.

There was a “bomb scare” in our office park. Not our building, but we were close enough that we had to evacuate. And feeling as rough as a goat's testicle after a big night out, kind of fannyed about on the golf green for 2 hours. Baking and fermenting in the sun.

Bomb scares are always interesting. There were throngs of people sitting on the course, fucking it up with their high heels, and I thought it would be fun to roll down the hill to pass the time. Was trying to spot talent amongst all that office chino beige and office polyester black.

But there's a dude with a megaphone and reckons, “Please stand back, everybody stand back, we've heard that there is a bomb in such-and-such a building, but PLEASE REMAIN CALM"

The moment you hear that, you really want to do the opposite, for God's sake your instinct tells you to. There's a reason why he's asking you to stay calm and that's because havoc is potentially a mere tick away. But people weren't freaking about the bomb. Oh no. People were freaking out about the golf course and the stiletto divots that were being made by the over thousand employees.
Thing is you always ask why a bomb has been planted - is it money, is it bribery and corruption, is it political? Is there even a bomb at all (and why does the sniffer dog look so alive?) The company being targeted was a pharmaceutical. So what, they're trying to facilitate death by Lux?

Also, interesting point made by someone: a duck flew onto the golf course water thingie. And Mother Nature was almost 90% there when it came to its basic camouflagation. The brown and white feathers, standard duck apparel. Until it climbs out of the water to reveal two bright red glow-in-the-dark legs. Madre kind of let this particular genus of duck down. Those legs are gonna get it killed.

Once back, I phoned Dad. Gotta keep tabs on the guy, you know, one has to watch a loose canon with a shifty eye.
Peas: Hi Dad. Lemme guess. You're flying. And you've answered the phone. Again.
Dad: Hello?
Peas: Dad?
Dad: I can't talk right now, am flying over the berg.
Peas: Like clockwork. Our phone conversations are just as predictable as MTN's.
Dad: Who is this?
Peas: Um, your DAUGHTER Dad.
Dad: Ohhhh. Sorry Boo. Can't hear.

Right. It's the weekend, I'm moving, I'm going overseas, it's all happening, and I'm so excited my spleen is tingling.

Update: Hellopeter is fabulous. 24 hours after I pasted my MTN blog post into its complaints section, a dude got hold of me and activated my card. MTN also found my blog post. This morning. And emailed me. But Hellopeter was far more effective. The issue has been resolved top down, but for customers who have to go through call centres, I don't foresee the service changing if usual customers like me go from the bottom up. Sorry MTN. I have to thank Hellopeter for this one.


MsBehavn said...

It's all gonna be happening for you this weekend, Peas. New abode and those little green leprechauns you've been talking about. Hope you have a smashing time in Ireland. Don't forget the scarf!!

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks MsBehavn - I'm going to be in London the whole of next week first, then I go to Dublin the week after that - so still a week away are the leprechauns, but the chavs, the tube and bangers & mash are only three days away! :)

It's all happenin', 2 months ago, who'd have thunk it.

kyknoord said...

Are you sure that isn't just one of the after-effects of Wednesday night?
Bon voyage, by the way. If you're stuck for a gift for me, a pot o' gold will do quite nicely.

Peas on Toast said...

kyk - what about some green apparel? Like green tracky bottoms and a green hoodie and a green cap that you can wear backwards? ;)

Legend Lives On said...

Mmmm.. With regards to blogging about ur employer..

I did that once..

I got a warning..

But then again, u didnt write u saw ur married boss kissing the hit single employee..


SwissTwist said...

Glad to hear about MTN. Was my first visit (or intro) to Hellopeter - can seen I've not been in SA for a while - will def be checking that site more often.

Good luck with the moving this weekend. Hopefully you'll be able to relax on the flight to my side of the globe!!!!

Peas on Toast said...

Legend - yeah that's a little hectic dude. Nope, as much as I love my new place of work, you're not going to read anything about it here. Despite a few chirps or bomb warnings in nearby buildings.

Swiss - it's brillaint in that companies actually read it and respond. (MTN was about 75% of total complaints... !)

Anyway thanks Swiss, I'm looking forward to a hectic but awesome weekend of moving, flying and partying! :)

Mini said...

Sweet Pea

You have to thank us for encouraging you to HELLOPETER yourcomment.

Glad to hear its resolved

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - I DEFINITELY have to thank you guys. Cue lots of thanks :)

At least people respond there and the response time is good.

Thanks so much guys!

Charmskool said...

Happy move Peas and bon voyage. Har har har the picture I have in my head of Kyknoord in green trakkies, green hoodie and BACKWARDS cap - too funny!

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - he'd be a right hoot in dat outfit, innit? ;) Oh and I'll ensure he keeps the price tags on, like they do in Doncaster :)

Thanks Charm!

SheBee said...

Aaaaaaan the winner for todays funniest funny, goes to:

Peas, this one was designed for you bru.

Peas on Toast said...

Sheen - is that the Nando's ad with Vernon La Koek in it?
I saw it on TV and am wondering when Ford Bantam is gonna pick him up.

He's the Bantam spokesman, if I ever saw one :)

Peas on Toast said...

Ohhhh The THIGH ONE. Classic! :)

SheBee said...

Yip, the Koek and Chuck with strobe tubes.

I died on the table laughing. This is my ghost typing.

leez said...


I'm telling you guys, Vernon is gonna end up appearing in an Anant Singh movie. Peas, get him to wear one of your scarves. I 'm sure they'll sell like a bomb.

Have you knitted a green one for Dublin yet? Maybe one in the colours of the SA flag? nah. scratch that. way too much work.

Have fun and get as hammered as possible coz you have enough time to sleep on the plane.

Enjoy the weekend everyone.

Peas on Toast said...

leez - what a perfect marketing ploy! I get Vern to knit my scarves! Problem is I'm going to need to outsource. Although I love knitting, I have absolutely zero time to do it anymore :(

Vern will be in Footskating 202. I put money on it.