Monday, June 30, 2008

it's monday and it's not nice

What an extraordinarily awesome Friday night.

The Princess Palace has been viewed by a guy. He has seen the overhanging drape. From my very bed. And my lovely napover went and bought me a couple of Kauai smoothies for breakfast, bless his little cotton socks.

But rewind. Went out for a couple of after-work drinks, and ended up having a little shindig at my house. (I might just receive my first complaint. Lots of loud Monster Hits music that everyone was just loving, and The Ant and Gilb pulled in from Secunda as well. Fantastic.)

Then 3RM, as he does, got me going ruffled feathers-wise – and I don't know why this makes me twithcy – but Dude. Dude. He started off pronouncing French words like someone from the West Rand.
And was calling me Chuck de Gaulle.
And everyone jumped on the bad-pronounced-French-words wagon pretty quickly.

Soon a 'brie' was a braai. And cammem-birt. The Cha-Amps de Ellis-sees. Fuccccccck. My little French chromosome was not loving it, Jesus it grates me.

Anyway, Lovely Napover let me drive his amazingly fast, beautiful car at high speeds down the William Nicol and Jan Smuts at 2:30am.

Touch the accelerator, and you flippen fly. Didn't even feel the speed bumps in suburban Craighall. Got up to 150/km an hour. Speed is an amazingly incredible turn-on. But only when I'M driving.

Wow. Spent Saturday in a hungover semi-narcoleptic stupor, having had two hours of sleep or something.

I went shopping with Ant on Sunday. When I go to The Space, I go with Ant. Always. It's our favourite shop in Joburg. Well fuck me, we had fun. We always make mates at The Space when we're trying on about 20 things. People always say, “That's just too cute!” or “No, that makes your bum look fat.” Either way mates we make.

Then HPF and 3RM came over for tea, and we were discussing swear words. I hate to say it, because it does offend religious people, but mine is Jesus Fuck.
Nothing quite expresses rage or disbelief in such a short phrase as Jesus Fuck.

Sorry. But we also said that even though we have mouths like a toilet, we are very very classy birds.

Yes. Quite right.

She reckons Jesus H. Christ is her favourite. But do you put a full stop behind the H? Surely, because his second name couldn't be Hannah.
It's probably Hendrick or Harry.

And God said, “My son shall be known as Jesus...Harold.” Or actually because Jesus is “Hayzoos” in Argentina, maybe his second name is...Hernandez. Or Guido?

No, that's Italian. (Speaking of, my little Italian amica and I paid for our clothes, got changed into them and walked out the shop. We had to wear out stuff there and then.)

22 comments:

Coffee Hore said...

Hi Peas,

You were right, to those of us that do believe, it is quite evensive. And I understand that you don't believe, thus don't understand what the fuss is about but to us believers it feels as if someone has strangled us. We respect and love our Lord more than our mothers and fathers.

To you it would be like someone saying something bad about your fluffy white rug.

Peace

Peas on Toast said...

Coffee Hore - evensive = offensive right?
Fair enough, this I know. But if you were to say something about my fluffy rug, for example, I wouldn't really give a toss - because all that counts is that I love my rug, others don't have to. Make sense?

x

Coffee Hore said...

True, but if someone said something about your dad or mom, would you be offended?

Peas on Toast said...

Coffee Hore - to be honest, I'd probably review what they said. As in, is it just? Is it true? Do they even know my parents? If it is wholly untrue, then sure, I would be offended. So I do understand. But with regards to 'Jesus Fuck', answer me this: when I say those words, I'm not thinking about Jesus per se. I'm thinking about the thing that pissed me off. I say it because it simple sounds good and relieves a bit of the frustration.
So I'm not even thinking about Jesus. That make sense?

c@th said...

I'd just like to say

w00t! peas got laid!

fuck thats awesome

:)

Peas on Toast said...

ha c@th, hold the phone! I didn't get laid! hahahaha

No ways bru, I'm a prude first time around :)

c@th said...

wahahaha jesus h. christ then, you had a napover!

;-)

Peas on Toast said...

c@th :)

kyknoord said...

I take it you're still waiting for the rug, after which all bets are off?

Peas on Toast said...

Still waiting for that darn rug. It's become one of those impossible dreams.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

I think the 'H' stands for Jesus 'Hotwheels' Christ.

Peas on Toast said...

Hotwheels, Cheap Thrills, you're a genius! How've you been my dear?

Jesus drives a Porsche Carrera.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

Jesus drives a lime green two litre 1986 Cortina with a 'dont talk to me, talk to my lawyer' bumper sticker.

Been suffering from internetlessness, but it's sorted now.

doing well otherwise.

btw: i found jesus. and made him into a key ring. slippery little bugger wont get lost again in a hurry.

Peas on Toast said...

hahahah - awesome, and sorry to hear about the Internetlessness. That's very embarrassing, I hear you. :)

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

enjoying catching up on all the blogs i've missed out on.

should be writing my thesis.
first draft due on the 18th of june and i have not yet written one word out of a require ten thousand.

boo to it all.

Peas on Toast said...

Thrills - oh my god, good luck girl - and also well done! That's pretty impressive that you're seeing the thesis through, so am wishing you tons of luck and hope you manage to get it sizzling.

Ant's doing her Masters at the moment, and it's not an easy task.

Billy1177 said...

I must be honest the Jesus comments dont sit well with me easily either but each to his/her own, i cant throw stones thats for sure.

What car was it, im a car nut and need to know, really need to know....

MsBehavn said...

You had a napover and didn't get laid? I don't know whether to be impressed or ask "Why the bloody hell not?!" :P

These blog-silences kill me. Everyone has all this cool stuff happen to them and I miss it!

Peas on Toast said...

Billy - An Audi TT 2 Litre Turbo Quattro.

In that order.

Wow.

Msbehavn - nah it's all good. I had a great time, and that's all that counts right? ;)

Lisa said...

with advance apologies to those who do believe, and sincerely, no offense meant, I thoroughly enjoyed our chat about the most heee-djeous swear words ever.
I have subsequently revised my opinion. The 'H' must stand for Hortense, since the King James bible has Jesus as a nice Waspy blonde who prunes roses in his spare time right?
However, Peas?
What happened to our other words, love?
And we are lank klassy birds...mouth in gutters or not!
Thanks for the hot choc hun, helped immensely
xx

Peas on Toast said...

HPF - I love being the lady dishing out hot chocolate to those in need, so anytime babe, anytime!

The other words - like 'oh my wet testicle sack/nutsack...' you mean? ;)

Love Hortense. That kicks ridiculous ass.

MsBehavn said...

It does count, Peas. You're sounding really happy so he must be doing something right!
xo