Monday, July 14, 2008

winter blues

I had two people around on Friday, and I was very chuffed with what one had to say:

“Your house is like a global village.”

Say what?

From the top:

Morocco: the Fez hanging on the wall

New York: the shaggy rug

Bauhaus: the perspex chair

India: Doc's original Bollywood pictures, and a picture of the God of Strength

Thailand: The gold statue and buddha, a lame lamp

Burma: Cue other gold statue

Mediterranean: Ant's mosaic vase she made for me

France: Old school French advert pictures

That 70s Show: 3RM's retro 70s armchairs

African: wire beaded protea, picture of Ponte Tower, wooden bowls from Tanzania and Mozambique, reed baobab tree, and a box covered in Chappies wrappers (The Transkei, they say. Being Eastern Cape boys)

Old school war trunk: Finneas Fogg travelling around the world in 80 days

Antique tin collection: The Depression in the UK

America: the corporate art I have hanging on my's NICE corporate art though

Japan: a print by a Japanese artist

Russia: one of those dolls, with mini dolls inside it

East Rand: Blown up picture of a sign post that says Boksburg, Benoni, Brakpan in various directions

Zanzibar, Seychelles, Bazaruto Islands: shells

Ireland: a tin of chocolate leprechauns

Yeah so that was enlightening.

Spent much of this weekend holed in. It's bitterly cold, it's overcast, I'm hibernating. Spent much of it drilling holes into the wall with my madre, eating soup and mooching around watching the E! Channel.

I put on 80 layers and headed to Woolworths. Needed another jersey. And foodstuffs.

Lady at cashier: Eish, you have so much ...sweet stuff.
Peas: Pardon?
Lady: Eish, you want to eat all of this?
Peas: Are you judging me?
Lady: Eish.
Peas: No, no. No 'Eish'. Are you judging me bitch?
Lady: Eish.
Peas: OK, so YES, I plan to eat hot malva sticky pudding under my duvet. And then drink 8000 cups of hot chocolate, and try and remain sane in this bitterly cold, fuck.
Lady: Alone?
Peas: Yes alone! Well, actually no, Klo is coming round to eat sweet hot foodstuffs with me under the warm wrapping of 3 duvets, not that you know her, but you seem to take a vested interest in the 'sweetening up' my cold time, so heavens knows what you think of my thermal vests I am buying right now.”

Good grief. What has the world come to when you can't by groceries (not condoms, groceries) without being judged. Eish wena.

So Klo came over and lay on my mat and purred. And we also opened a bottle of wine and played lots of Shithead, feeling a little blue, you know.

Then we found a new pub. By which no means I suggest you go here for a quality, pretentious time, except if you like the bush, then you might like it.

The Bushveld Pub & Diner. Holy, like, God.

OK, it's as if you're in Standerton.

There are bushveld painted murals and they serve Guinness, but it's like you're in KleinBietjiesfontein. And this place is in Craighall.

Live music and all (all the classics your mum dances to after a few spritzers), Klo and I found some young uns and ended up having a the Bushveld Pub & Diner.

So Sunday afternoon I finally get out and peaked, so therefore Monday=ball ache. Had bad dreams last night, tossing and turning, the kitchen light exploded in my face, and I cut my hand on the TV cabinet.

Bad Monday, and I've been up for 20 minutes.


Nessers said...

My geyser exploded so I beat you in shit things happening hehe. Hope your hand is doing better - and your flat sounds brilliant btw

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - aha babe, that sucks so much donkey dick! My geyser has exploded know, waterfall coming from the ceiling....god it's awful. Did anything get damaged?

kyknoord said...

Obviously you have such an engaging manner that everybody wants to be your friend - including random cashiers at the shops. That may or may not be a good thing.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - my manner I believe was not very engaging. I think I may have forgotten to brush my hair. Maybe that's it...

Mellisa said...

You must have had a pretty large amount of "sweet stuff" for the cashier to go so far as to comment on it!

Peas on Toast said...


boldly benny said...

Don't fret Peas, I have had cashiers commenting on the contents of my shopping basket on several occasions.
A while back, a dude looked at my Jungle Oats bar as he swiped it through and told me that they are actually packed with sugar and won't help me loose weight.
I told him that worked perfectly for diet regime, which I call "Weigh No Less"!

Peas on Toast said...

Good grief, seriously Benny?

I mean, I'm just waiting for a dude to say, 'Wow, what great melons these are'. ;)

Lisa said...

I know the bushveld pub and eccentric uncle has a fixation with the place because as far as he's concerned, they make food "like the vrystaaters".
didn't realise stuff actually happened there...

Peas on Toast said...

HPF - dude, it's about a thousand times more rustic than the Colony, and that's saying something. Live music boet, on a Sunday afternoon - gerry attrick barflies included...:)

Nessers said...

Thank god the bathroom is tiled so it was just R6k for the new geyser (ack) and not sure about the ceiling as I am awaiting a quote as we speak - thank god for household insurance via a bond grin

Peas on Toast said...

Oh dude, thank god for household insurance indeed!
Shit and at least none of your furniture of valuables were washed away!

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

You could tell them you use the sweet stuff to capture children. Kidnap is probably more socially acceptable than eating all that sweet stuff yourself!

Actually recently I had to laugh at myself for a similar shopping incident... I was like an ad for the stereotypical menstruating woman. My basket included (only)the following items: sanitary towels, chocolate cake, chocolate spread, chocolate eclairs, chocolate biscuits and chocolate ice-cream. The slightly homocidal glint in my eye meant the guy behind the counter wasn't going to say ANYthing about it!

Peas on Toast said...

Aunty - hahahaha! That sounds awfully familiar, filling the basket up with stuff...and hoping the one pice of merchandise doesn't get noticed (I have that problem with condoms).

PS: 'Hey kid, you want some...candy?' ;)

zuzula said...

i need to send something from london for the global village!

Peas on Toast said...

Yes Zu! You know what would be swell?

One of those beautifully kitsch Princess Di and Charles wedding memorabilia plates. :)

zuzula said...

It's a challenge! Email me your address m'dear and I will send you a parcel of london's finest tat. It might take me a bit of time but by god you won't be disappointed!

Mark said...

So peas, long expat coming to Joeys for a few weeks - don't know the scene, don't really care - I'm an old oke, now, u know... so where should I go for a lekker time? Ya, ya, I know u okes call it something different, but hey, how many 53 year-olds read your blog.????

Ryo Kaneda said...

Nope. No alcoholic tendencies AT ALL.