Tuesday, October 14, 2008

high school nostalgia

It's been 11 years since I puked on Mr Starters's shoes.

I went as his date to his matric ball, and ever since me, the 16 year old, got a hold of the red wine, and then sat on a bus on a windy windy road, it resulted in my oesophagal sphincter not being able to control itself.

And I henceforth vomited on his Toughees. On that bus. In 1997.

I was the world's perfect ball partner. I was a real catch.

It was excruciatingly embarrassed for years. I'd see him at varsity and take an immediate left turn the moment I spotted him anywhere near me on campus.

We've been in touch again over the last few years and he admitted to me last night that his first girlfriend at varsity also puked on his shoes.

Well. Thank fuck for that. What a relief!

I don't think you quite understand: I haven't been the only woman to have parked a tiger on his shoes.
This is excellent news.

It was such a traumatic night for me, not to mention poor old Starters – that can't be kiff.

The end result was my mother grounding me for a month. [She found my diary. Fucking fuck - this really annoyed the crap out of me:]

Mum: Peas! Did you vomit on this nice boy's shoes at his ball last night?
Peas: No.
Mum: You did.
Peas: No I didn't.
Mum: Your diary, Peas, was lying open on your bed, to the page where you'd written about it.
Peas: I'd NEVER leave my diary on my bed lying open!

[Ensue teenage angst, the tempestuous and vulgar moodswing, the slamming of doors and unprecedented hatred directed towards any figure of authority – especially those who pried into my private world of diary-writing]

Mum:...we'll you're grounded.
Peas: WHADDOYOUMEAN I'M GROUNDED??
HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME, YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE, I HATE YOU, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
Mum: I understand completely: You drank too much wine and vomited on your date's shoes.
Peas: ARRARGH! YOU READ MY DIARY! YOU INVADED MY PRIVACY! YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!
Mum: ...yeah and you're grounded. That's NO way for a lady to behave Peas.
Peas: BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A LADY!
Mum:...well you're doing a sterling job of not being one.

[Ensue slamming door of bedroom and whacking on Nirvana's Nevermind, seething in adolescent complexities and disquietude.
Kurt Cobain, the heroin addict, understood me though. Of course.]

Speaking of school, and uncontrolled-schoolboy-error-puking and puberty,
someone I knew 10 years ago, and haven't seen since, woke up one day and obviously went, “Hmmm that Peas On Toast... I want a piece of that.”

I'm getting....what's the word...charfed? Wooed? Lightly bulldozed? by this person. Interesting. Flattering. Not to mention slightly perplexing.
Hmmm.

Anyway, I'm just relieved about the High School Shoe Chunder scenario.
And that I wasn't the only one.

Basically.

Might send the china a new pair of shoes, now that I am a freakin' lady.

18 comments:

pin said...

Eeeeek!! Blind! Well, who haven't done that before?

Wooed?? Wonderful! Gotta love some attention!!

Peas on Toast said...

Pin - Eeekk! Blind!! :)
Wwho hasn't done it before...I thought everyone except me? (And his girlfriend?)

Is this a common occurrence?

Yes, also love a bit of wooing. ;)

Nessers said...

I thought puking on a boys shoes was code for "I really like you" just like boys snapping your bra and ignoring you is their code for "I really like you"

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - In this case it was code for 'I'm really drunk and I don't think I can hold this in any longer,'

although I did think Starters' was a hot little studmuffin, it really was a case of Teenager Not Being Able To Handle Her Grog.

What a lightweight. I'd never do that now. Not possible :)

Mini said...

Pea

Did you wear a T that said "You're handsome when I am drunk"?

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - no.

I did however wear a ball dress. Egad! ;)

kyknoord said...

I have it on good authority that you were the original inspiration for South Park's Stan.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - I was the muse for Stan was I.

I was hoping I was the real Cartman.
Stan's a complete let down in comparison.

Revolving Credit said...

What's up with this weeks theme??
Bodily Fluids and Their Effect on Leather Goods?

There's a pseudo bondage angle in there somewhere, isn't there??

Peas on Toast said...

wahah too right Revsicle, too right.

Bodily fluids and cow hide.
I'm a sado. And I've always loved a bit of pleather and a whip.

Like all hot blooded women, right?

Revolving Credit said...

Sounds like you'd like you hide rubbed raw??
Does bring a whole new meaning to self tan, doesn't it?

Peas on Toast said...

My hide rubbed raw? I don't know about that Rev...I mean we all like a good spanking every now and then, but rubbed raw?? That sounds...a little painful.

Revolving Credit said...

Painful...isn't that the point of sado??

OK, just spat coffee on keyboard, thinking of cows having their udders clamped with nipple clamps

Made me think of this

Peas on Toast said...

Rev, ah my boy. You never fail to make me instantly baptize my keyboard with the liquid contents of my coffee cup.

The horrible truth behind whipped cream/? Haha, now I don't feel so guilty about the whipped cream bikinis I was planning on serving as dessert this weekend....

Miss T said...

Can't believe your mum read your diary! How scaley! lol. Anything read in a diary is not surmisable as evidence

Peas on Toast said...

Miss T - that's exactly what I thought! Totally sly and scaley - I don't go round reading her diary now do I? ;)

The Blonde Blogshell said...

OMG! I puked on a boys shoes...and shirt... It was my very first date!! We went to watch Jumanji at the movies and I felt so awful! I couldn't hold it in and tried to vomit in the popcorn box...ended up missing and hitting him! needless to say that I was in hospital the next day to have my Appendix removed!!

You're not alone in the puking on boys department! Who knew? LOL

Oooh and being woooed is wonderful! I dig it!

Peas on Toast said...

Blondie - eeek! Oh you poor thing, a popcorn box? Shit you had to aim into something, that makes it even worse. I just turned around and vomited. Awesome.

And I'm guessing yours had to do with an appendix removal and not too much vino capeeno right?