Wednesday, October 08, 2008

large lesbians

A few observations:

A set of two unbelievably rotund man-dykes have moved into my complex.

Honestly, I know I've been throwing a lot of food down my pie hole, but this is ridiculous.

They are terrifying.
They've planted a whole bunch of rainbow coloured flags around their garden, and last night, as I arrived back from dancing, they were lunging on a couch whilst watching, I can only presume, The L Word.

They parked in my parking space and it's cool, I really won't ask them to move. In case I get throat slammed.

Ches and I decided that for next week's John Revolta dancing, we won't have three vodkas beforehand.

Twice now we have arrived slightly on our ear. Only because we're very nervous and I am of the firm belief that vodka helps me grow rhythm. But next week we're only going to have one drink before we start.

Why do I still look like a complete retard when I dance? Ches at least wore Converse and a backwards cap. I need to up my game.

Colin Firth is 50. Mark Darcy is 50. He's so fucking beautiful I could puke.

My grandmother – bless her heart and all – bought me an industrial-sized pack of cotton underpants for my birthday.

I love her for the thoughtless wonder of unaesthetically practical undergarments, however worthy of mention: they are very largely-proportioned.
Grandmere, these won't get my laid. And even if they did, I'd be haunted by the fact that you gave them to me specifically in order for me not to get shagged helpless in them.

I love you, but I'm just saying.

Not that I'm walking around showing anyone my doondies.


Nessers said...

You are not showing cyber guy your doondies? why not he has seen you in the bath hehehe

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - wahaha.

If he's seen me bath, he hasn't seen my doondies....because I don't bath in any.


Luc(ifer) said...

Didn't Colin Firth's character end up with that Bridget Jones bird? Didn't she have some big granny knickers...?

Peas on Toast said...

Lucifer - Yes he did. But Daniel Cleaver, or rather Hugh Grant got to see them. And that didn't really work out innit?

More importantly - what DO YOU think of granny pants?

Luc(ifer) said...

I think pants, or rather clothes in general, are probably over rated.

Peas on Toast said...


You? Never!


Miss T said...

I think its a golden rule of grannies everywhere that they can only buy underwear, socks and soap for their grandchildren

Peas on Toast said...

Yeah, it's an unwritten law for certain. So I can't say I was surprised. But she did by a SHITLOAD of pants and I also got bath stuff.

Naturally :)

po said...

Aw Bridget pants. Can't you give them to your new neighbours?

Sunrise said...

Cotton panties, huh! Very catholic schoolgirl, you gonna get super laid. Put two pony tails in, suck a lollipop and hangout outside a school, even better put on your school outfit for Webcam that will get his rocks off!

Peas on Toast said...

po - not a bad idea. Or maybe she'll take offence and throat slam me into the driveway?

Sunrise - I personally prefer my nurse's outfit. Or at the very least, the French maid. ;)

Mini said...

Confucius say.......

Man who wants pretty NURSE must be PATIENT!

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - Did Confucius live in Belgium by any chance?

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Hand them over...I've always wanted to go to mates rock concerts and throw up huge, granny panties or maternity bras onto the stage for them!!
I'm still going to do it one day!

Peas on Toast said...

Blondie - thank God! A use for them finally! They're all yours babe. Make my gran proud! xx