- Feeling like I am going a bit mental and the questioning of my own sanity
- That my Top Shop jean pant are feeling toight
- tHE FACT THAT i ALWAYS SEEM TO BE WRITING LIKE THIS LATELY. aND ONLY AFTER LIKE FIVE PARAGRAPHS DO i REALISE THAT THE FUCKING CAPS LOCK IS STILL ON. tHIS IS HAPPENING TOO REGULARLY THESE DAYS. aND i CAN'T BE FUCKED TO CHANGE IT.
- The global economic crisis. Not enjoying that so much.
- My mother's neurotic email about the fucking global economic crisis. Which put the fear of God into me.
[who puts 'crisis' in an email subject line without inciting instantaneous panic and neuroticism? - Ed].
I don't want you to panic or anything [um...] but you need to start buying Baked Beans and not spend another cent for the rest of eternity because the entire planet is going to come to a grinding halt and we're all going to die while sex starved aliens steal our brains and impregnate our livestock.
This email - the sentiment thereof - got right under my skin, as my mother so intended. And I am tossing and turning right now as a result, having succumbed to quiet cups of tomato Cuppa Soup at home.
Nobody makes soup in a cup like Royco Cuppa Soup.
More Things I Hate Right Now:
- People who drive in the fast lane at painfully slow speeds
- When your card gets rejected at the till because you forgot to transfer money into it, and the dude behind the counter says loudly 'DECLINED', and the whole queue automatically judges you.
And Things I Love Right Now:
- A man in a tie
- Woolworth's croutons. Mate, I eat these like snacks right now. I'm buying croutons like how people buy Lays. Just knocking them back, sans soup, because they're so crunchy and beautifully packaged.
- The Dove and her asking at dinner last night while holding up my bottle of ouzo, "Is this shit lethal enough to take my nail polish off? No seriously...will it?"
- Being able to sit on my balcony in a t-shirt that has shrunk in the wash and a pair of
- French jokes. And I am allowed because of my a) Francophile ancestry and b) because we were fucking royal. Bad French jokes like "Why do the French eat so much garlic? So that blind people hate them too."
- Guido Hatzis, Australia's own Whackhead Simpson, but better:
You'll believe in God when I take my shird off, alride mate. Less talking, more plumbing.