Wednesday, November 12, 2008

bruised knees & sundry

Did my first hip hop class last night. To Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me.
Ches has endured much with our dancing lessons.

And the instructor doesn't have much faith in my disinclination to be Rihanna.

I mean I'm trying hard here – who do I need to blow to be a Pro20 cricket cheerleader besides Ali Bacher? - but now she's suggesting I slap a 'left' and 'right' sticker on each of my feet.
Because I'm retarded with left/right. Always have been.
Knees have taken a beating, what with the breakdancing stuff. They're all bruised and hardcore now.

Anyway, Dove came over for some sushi at mine last night. She's had but the shittest luck with pets.
Her first hamster she squeezed so hard by mistake, that its eyeballs popped out of its albino head. Good God.
The second pet, a cat, the iron fell off the ironing board and killed it instantly.
Her horse had to be shot because it had chronic cholic, and then her second cat got burnt.

Hectic, Jesus.

Am craving bacon. Didn't see but a stitch of the stuff for a week. Didn't realise how odd life was without the good crispy stuff.

And on that note, I'm emailing Usher today about his last album with which I am obsessed. This operation may be as fruitless as asking for bacon at an Israeli restaurant, but you only get to be an over-keen eccentric once.

I'm planning on buying a shitload of new underwear over the weekend. Someone I know has started her own underwear line and is having a champagne and lingerie day on Saturday. Bring it the fuck on. Even if no one is seeing my underwear at this very point in time, I know I'm wearing it. And the more lace and ribbons, the better.

And look, it's only a month until Argentina. Someone there might be privvy to my under rods, it's not out of the question. I can't believe it – one month. This year's travels have been fast and frequent.
And frankly, they've been the highlight of my year. The travelling has kept me sane.

The shit on the side of my bath is exemplary. Mineral bath salts from the Dead Sea (Israel), olive body scrub (Greece), shine shampoo from Lush in the UK, and a Leprechaun-shaped shower gel.

Was kidding about the Leprechaun shower gel, I actually bought Leprechaun-shaped chocolates.
One month until I leave a trail of destruction in my wake in South America.

They'd better be prepared. I know I am, with my decoy handbag filled with bubblewrap and hip hop moves that look like Patricia Lewis attempting to be like Jennifer Lopez, but caned to the eyeballs and sporting a camel toe.

20 comments:

Sunrise said...

Pea's you are wonderfully crazy! Make that camel toe count.

Peas on Toast said...

sunrise - Bless :)
Between Chester's backwards cap and my camel toe, we have a music video in the making. Just a pity my footwork is retarded and up to shit :(

Ilze said...

Im with you on the Usher thing, i luv it luv it luuuurve it!

Peas on Toast said...

ilze - he's my fallen god hero.
:)

Revolving Credit said...

Gotta luv how you go from burnt cat to craving bacon.

You do know that bacon's not made from cat, right??

Megz said...

I dont know what id do without your blog to read every day peas.. its like a part of my life here in swizerland.. i just want to say, keep it up... i dont want there to never be a update to read ha ha...

I think we need a recording of you and ches working your hip hop moves... or not working them... however it pans out..

Much love. *Megz

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - oh my god I'm going to puke.

Should've broken up that paragraph with a 'well isn't this rain lovely?'

Eeeeek.

PS: They didn't even have macon there. Seriously.

Megz - you just made my day! That is seriosuly so sweet, thank you so much! Especially that you're in Switzerland. Whereabouts are you there? I've spent quite a bit of time in Geneva.

Revolving Credit said...

Aaahhh...I just realised **light bulb here**

bacon = cat = pussy??

Peas, have you become a vagaterian?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - no Revvie, I'm not a romantic fan of the c%^nt my boy. Unless we're talking about my own, that is.

But now I can't get the image of cat bacon out of my head, and it's making me feel raaaather nauseous. So actaully maybe vegetarianism is the next step, eh?

Revolving Credit said...

What, you don't want to eat meat any longer?

Now THAT soundslike a vagaterian!

Peas on Toast said...

Make no mistake Rev - there's NOTHING like a large hot piece of German sausage.

Love a good sausage hey.

Pork, beef, bratwurst especially.

Revolving Credit said...

Cat?

Peas on Toast said...

No I don't like cat...sausage dude.

German sausage. In fact, I could do with one right now.
:)

Revolving Credit said...

Katze wurst??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I'm mock charging dude. I can imagine the smell, it lingers around my head like a funk and I'm seriousy green at the gills.

It smells like cat pee. I seriosuly am not coping with these images!

Revolving Credit said...

"She don't eat meat
But she sure like the bone"

Megz said...

No sweat Peas.

Im in Lausanne, was in Geneva last night, havent explored there too much though. Recommend anywhere, food, drink, partzy?
I heart Lausanne so much though. I am actually from Australia, just residing here...

Im hoping I can get your book sent to me here... *fingers crossed*

*Megz

The Blonde Blogshell said...

Hate you. Said with love, of course. I am so desperate for a holiday that I am basically living THROUGH YOU with all your travels this year. I think it's official. Oh dear God, HOW did I come to THIS?? Hi, I'm Blogshell and I am a...a....a.....workaholic!

Oh and you think I was kidding...I want front row seats of this hip hop concert...although after the lovely mind image I got of the camel toe, I'll settle for a few rows from the front. Ta!

Peas on Toast said...

Megz - oh GORGEOUS! Although I never made it to Lausanne, heard it's petty darn beautiful there. Funny enough I spent most of my time in Geneva in an inebraited state, when I was 18. I'd venture to the city from France (I lived near the border) and hit the town with a vengeance. Who know a banking town could be so different by night?

I don't recall names as such, but one cool little cafe springs to mind, since it's my surname - La Clemence. :)

Blondie - do you want to come with me?? Seriously, between you and I and our double decoy handbags, no one would dare mess with us and the bubblewrap.

We're staying in a hostel consisting of 16-people dorms. Hope that's cool. So that we make friends. Hopefully not refugee style though.

And don't worry babe, I'll ensure the camel toe doesn't outperform my dance :)
xxx

Rachel said...

Remembered reading about your bacon craving and thought you might enjoy this pic.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/80854523@N00/3016285736/in/pool-everythingsbetterwithbacon/