Monday, November 17, 2008

chicken, pants & meat

Breker on Friday.

What I love about Meat Market Fridays:
1) How when you smack a dude's ass, he says 'Do it again.'

2) How the Jaegerwagon flows endlessly into the night.

3) How when you run past someone and they say to their mate, 'Hey isn't that so-and-so's bird?' (No china, you're a couple of months too late on that one, where've you been, in the bottom of a beer glass this whole time?)

4) How it's so easy to make random mates. This dude sidles up to our table and starts telling me about how he plans to finance a low cost housing project. Pity he couldn't string a sentence together, and how when he asked for my number he didn't find it odd that '085 555 5555' was an obviously blatant lie.

What I don't miss about Meat Market Fridays:
1) The vomit underneath the bar counter (Whiskey Fest was good, was it?)

2) How you see someone you know, but can't get to them to say hello because you have to push past 8 million people.

3) How people sidle up to our table and stand about trying to talk to you, but cannot string a sentence together and yet plans to finance a low cost housing project.

I went to a proper black diamond party on Saturday afternoon with Doc. It was an Obama celebration bash, so we wore matching Obama t-shirts like real plonkers. Bless.
The party was held on an estate just outside of Sunninghill, where this amazingly modern mansion lay on this strip of land, that quite obviously won't be bought up for a while, thanks to this little thing called 'the recession.'

Some amazing guy put the Usher album on just for me.

'Peas,' said the host, 'you gonna eat some chicken or what? We have a lot of chicken know how black people HATE chicken.'
'Peas: Hand me a breast, I love a good breast.'

It was a wonderfully chilled day, filled with gin and tonics.

Problem is I made the mistake of throwing out a few of my sociably-inept hip hop moves, and I'm not so sure that went down like Farmer Brown in Chinatown. I should probably stick to dancing in front of equally rhythmatically-challenged white people in future.

Bought a lot of underpants on Saturday afternoon, while on the mojito-train.
Some might call the following pair a portable ass cushioning device, some may call them Aunt Flo's bloomers. Others might call them a flamboyant poen doiley: I call them 'Fuck Yes.' Because of the potential of a broad-minded male specimen to say that very phrase on steering his eyeballs towards them.

Besides a couple of generic black thongs, I also bought one shit hot luminescent bra that makes my tits look like they have an erection.

My friends were great with random gifts this weekend. C2 bought me such a cool present: ethnic bling. Isn't it Blafrotastic? (Bling + African =geddit?)

And Big T bought me a red Moleskine diary for my South American trip. What a little biscuit. It says inside:
Name: Peas On Toast
Reward if found: 1 x blowjob (if you're hot)

The thoughts Peas On Toast, eccentric Esquiress, whilst travelling through South America. May lose my mind during the course of this diary due to father, but either way will try to keep a record of such dementia.

Otherwise all thoughts inspired by mojitos and caipirinhas, Latino men, Argentinian steak, local architecture, and a fuck off tan.


Anonymous said...

Lady of the night! You need to take care of those NAILS!!! - Manicure. Stat.

Peas on Toast said...

Too much hassle.

icepick said...

'Fuck Yes', just has to go..

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - you not-a a-like ze 'Fuck Yes?'

Pourquoi???? ;)

icepick said...

It looks like a chicken suit for you na-na?

Peas on Toast said...

Oooh...chicken. :)

icepick said...

Correction: for *your* na-na :)

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - I think they're AMAZING. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Oooo..a poen curtain.

So when does the curtain go up and the show begin?

Would that be after the Usher takes out his torch and show you where to sit?

Peas on Toast said...

Hhahaha, when you refer to impalement on Usher's torch, you are talking about his nomthondo right Rev?

I love my poen curtain. I could ride a 100km cycle race and feel NOTHING afterwards :)

Revolving Credit said...

Well, that was a mild attempt at in-your-end-o on my part.

Peas on Toast said...

haha :)

Revolving Credit said...

PS. Low Cost Housing Boy was hoping you'd offer to help him erect some structure.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - All I could really offer him was an open door. :)

Revolving Credit said...

Watchout for those back door boys!

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - oh,....NOW you tell me :)

icepick said...

btw peas, where the fak is your book! Why is it taking so long!

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

Those certainly are some frilly knickers. Why, oh why would you buy them?

I mean, if you want to wear a nappy, you should just wear a nappy... they come in adult sizes now too!

icepick said...

And do you honestly expect a man to pluck off that chicken suit?

And as little as I know about Aunt Flo(South Park, and tv advertisements).. Apparently white is a bad colour to choose? Im not too sure why..

thatdamnjoe said...

What is this 'meat market" thing?

Is it where you buy the chicken, or the fish?

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - it's being printed at the moment (it takes 3 weeks), so will be out end of November, as originally planned :)

Aubnty - ah but THIS nappy is a frilly and amazing and awesome and amazing and awesome.

icepick - yeah, if we're referring to Southpark's Aunt Flo, then sure, point taken. I was just referring to a generic Aunt Flo. But we can call her something else!

joe - a place where sausages and clams get together and fornicate thereafter :)

thatdamnjoe said...

wait, what?

These places exist? Where, what, how?

I'm only asking for a friend of course.

the branch manager said...

Blue bloomers are very hot. Anyone who says otherwise has no imagination...

Peas on Toast said...

Joe - not only do they exist, they steal your memory banks too! ;)

branch manager - whatcha doing later?? ;)

thatdamnjoe said...

hmmmm, I hope the fool 'erecting low cost housing' wasn't me trying out a sensitive angle pickup line.

Memory's letting me down lately. May be tequila induced apparently

daisyfae said...

Hmmm... maybe if i use that "Reward" line on my mobile phone, it'll find it's way home if i lose it again!

Heidi Van Kleef said...

Peas that thing on your finger is really disturbing, somewhat of a pterodactyle dropping you got going there.

Peas on Toast said...

joe - yip, tequila has a way of magically wiping out entire hours of stored memory, that's for darn certain!

daisy - hahahah! ;)

Hedi - pterodactyle dropping, now that's classic. You realise I like it even more now, right? ;)