Tuesday, December 02, 2008

'dracula does calculus' & other bands

The piano arrived yesterday, in all it's glory. Heavy piece of machinery that.

The delivery truck didn't have a crane on them – which I find odd, people always have cranes lying around – so they couldn't hoist the bugger over my balcony and into my overstuffed lounge.

Instead I had it delivered to the office. We have a very funky office set-up as it is, so a musical instrument isn't classified as out of the ordinary. In fact my boss thinks it's the shizzle. Fugly shizzle, but shizzle nonetheless.

I downloaded some new sheet music for the occasion – you know, a little bit of Keane (the band only plays drums and piano, so it should work nicely), and I asked Ches and Dove if they'd like to request anything in particular.

Dove: Dildo Detention by Vaginal Carnage.

Peas: That's amusing, but slightly fucked up. Even for me.

Dove: The song actually exists.

Ches: How about Fuck Me Like You Hate Me by Seether. That's nice, easy listening.

Dove: I got the song from a dude that works in my office. He seems like a most respectable citizen, what with the button down shirt, 2.4 children and a dog. But you should see his iTunes collection. It's all death metal where not one song is exempt from the lyrics 'death', 'blood' or 'depths of hell.'

Peas: Never fuck with him. Give him your last Rolo, always say hello. Basically never piss him off. Because one day he is going to crack. And when he runs through your office with a scythe, you going to want him to be like, “She gave me a Rolo. I'll rethink this one.” He's going to slay something, and you don't want it to be you.

Dane Cook even did a skit on this. Your case is not uncommon:

Dove: Metalheads. There's a documentary I watched on these Norwegian headbangers, who worshipped Satan, burnt churches down and had a disarming penchant for the colour black. You know, the type of guy you want to bring home to read Christmas stories to your grandad by the fire.
Except maybe not too close to the fire.

Luckily Lionel Richie and Keane are more my vibe, and I'd suspect, my office's. That hateful, hostile edge that causes people to mosh the fuck out isn't what I'm going for, I don't think.
Although I did find a band name called Gee That's A Large Beetle I Wonder If It's Poisonous, last night. They sound rad.

As well as Touch Me Again and I'll Break Your Arms, where the editor of the blog wrote: “I believe it's a metal band.”

So it's my book launch tonight. I've been told to imagine everyone naked. I'm thinking that might just freak me out.

But I'll actually get to hold my book in my hands – a hard copy of this thing I've been working on for almost 3 years - tonight. I'm completely surrealed-out.

Planning to sink a few gin and tonics.


Revolving Credit said...

Can you take the piano to the book launch?

Maybe if you autograph it, someone will offer to buy it from you.

I wonder how many of the launch attendees will be picturing YOU naked?

Peas on Toast said...

hahahaha :)

I'm thinking of locking everyone in and belting out some Nina Simone. You know, getting everyone into a room and torturing them with my vocal chords. You reckon that would be a treat, or not so much? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

How about a nice Lionel Richie mosh?

Lionel Richie goes metal:
"Slay you, slay me"

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - Or how about I'm So Nervous I'm Gonna Chew My Own Off?


Sunrise said...

Quik Shits, good luck, and congrats on following through on your book mission, I want to be in a swedish porn movie, themed "Hiedi gets pounded" thats my dream.

Revolving Credit said...

Sunrise, dude, your dream is to be a chick called Heidi????

Peas on Toast said...

Sunrise - hahahahahaha! Does she have to be Swedish or can she be Swiss? Or German?
Thanks guy :)

Rev - No I think he wants to pound Heidi.

Anonymous said...

Good luck for the book launch! I hope it goes well. If naked people doesn't work then imagine them growing tenticles just above their eyes; it helps me for some odd reason, but then I end up giggling like an idiot... which is not cool.

I like Keane too; brilliant about playing it on the piano (hmmmm...)

Peas on Toast said...

Paula - good one! And thanks very much :)
Perhaps if I imagine people growing testicles from their foreheads it should have the same effect....;)

Megz said...

I cant wait to get my hands on this book of yours darling.

Again, best of luck, im tres excited for you.


Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Megz! I hope at the very least it makes you giggle :)

Ches said...

'Thanks for the...candy!'


Peas on Toast said...

I love how he whispers it, like in between the chaos of blowing everyone down with a bazooka.

Expensive Mistakes and Cheap Thrills said...

good luck for tonight. my mommy and i were hoping to come (she usually comments on your blog under the pseudonym 'totally cooked')....but it doesn't look like we'll make it.

sorry doll. hope it goes swimmingly.

Peas on Toast said...

No worries Thrills! Thanks so much, and enjoy your evening (will sink a few g 'n t's for you ;) x

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say that I love your blog. I can't believe you actually have a book coming out. That is so great. Congratulations.
I've heard that Bailey Schneider is your emcee. Awesome. Good luck.

The Blonde Blogshell said...

I am so utterly excited for you!! YAY for all the GrouPeas ;-)

I am so proud of you too...dude, this is monumental and super amazing!! I'll be there to support you all the way!

Most proud of you, chicken

kyknoord said...

Gee That's A Large Beetle I Wonder If It's Poisonous used to be pretty cool until they sold out and went commercial.

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks so much guys! xxxx