Thursday, December 04, 2008

ouch

Fuckcunt.

So. We all clamoured into a shuttle bus and headed out to the Cradle Of Humankind for our office party, where I slotted kudu carpaccio and lamb shank, and, well, that's pretty much about as much as I can recall without wincing.

The office had a lot of gas in the tank yesterday.

The problem with ordering a shuttle bus, is that you're going to ensure you get as fucked as humanly possible so that you take full advantage of the chauffeur situation.

We all got bliksemmed, overlooking a very Africanesque stage setting of thundering skies and green plains, whereby tequila just wasn't enough, someone had to go and order blowjobs and liquid cocaine. If we weren't going to get wasted, we were going to get wasted trying.

Arrived back at the office last night, with talk of going to Eldorado Park for a little drunken adventure, ("we've never been before, so let's go to Eldo's")then someone passed out on a beanbag, and somehow we just carried the hell on - banging away at shooters until, well, actually I still managed to stand. That's resilience for you.

But let me tell you, breakfast running back to my office, and then sitting in traffic on the way home bargaining with God for a shower, with encrusted drool on my mouth and hair that looks like the back-end of a goat's scrotum, and a mouth that was filled with the residue of a nomad's sandal, is no picnic.

Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, where a knobhead fucking Chrysler Street Cruiser of a driver kept cutting in and cutting me off, and all I could see in front of me was a billboard with an oiled up porn star posing with an axe over his shoulder claiming You Know A Bar One Man When You See It, or the likes.

And you're thinking, "Fuck this for a bag of cashew nuts, I am in the fiery blazes of hell."

I have an LC the size of Zuma's ego, and the only thing that's going to get me through the next hour is imagining the look on Poen's face when she sees the press photo a journalist took at my launch - where C2 quoted her name as Gertrude Viljoen.

Now that's highlarious.

Of course, I wore my Bridget Jones fluffy snatch bloomers yesterday too. Oh dear God.

13 comments:

Revolving Credit said...

So, did you flash anyone your bloomers?

Peas on Toast said...

They were flashed, yes.
Lucky bastards.

Revolving Credit said...

So you gace them all a glimps of your Cradle of Mankind??

Now that I've phrased it that way, what exactly did you mean when you said that you 'slotted a lamb shank'?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev, I just puked a little in my mouth.

The lamb shank vibe just nearly made me pass out in nauseum.

Help.

Revolving Credit said...

Let me guess: Right now, you feel less like lamb and more like mutton?

Peas on Toast said...

I feel like a giant plate of What The Fuck Did We Consume Yesterday.

Revolving Credit said...

In that case, you may have to swop you bloomers for a nappy.

Paula said...

Hey Peas

That sounds like a mower of a party. Can't wait till tonight the mafia and I are OUT with Vengeance and having an after party to boot (tomorrow)!

But I know exactly how you're feeling... shit this morning was a complete fuckup for me. *falls asleep at her desk* Slight-Narcolepsy can be a whore (anytime/ anywhere).

ELDO's OMF I still have to go.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - the office told me I was flashing them everywhere yesterday. Attractive.

Paula - yowza I'm feeling shite. I need a night on the couch. Desperately.

I just did a radio interview on 94.7, (should be on this afternoon or tomorrow morning if you're idly listening!), husky voice alert. Cripes.

Imagine waking up in Eldo's and wondering 'How the FUCK did I get here?' :)

Whale said...

Peas - I'm dying.

kyknoord said...

As long as they covered your Get it Here tattoo, it's all good.

Bungi said...

I'M DEAD ALREADY....Pea's u soooo plzleee me!

Peas on Toast said...

Whale - ahahah dude, you crack me up. I haven't heard anything except 'I'm dying,' come out of your mouth today.

It's fucking hilarious.

Kyk - No but it covered my Kiss My Asstattoo. :)

Bungi - wahah, you out late sinking a few tequilas too??