Friday, December 05, 2008

pretend you have shutters and fling open your doors

Haven't done that in a while.

Pizza and a DVD on the couch with a nubile lover, whipping my ass, covering my nethers in cream and talking dirty to me.


But seriously. A day whereby my saving grace was curling up in the foetal position under my piano during lunch. Couldn't even string a sentence together yesterday.

Flung open the doors to my balcony like I owned Italy, and for the entire evening, thoroughly enjoyed one of the most thrilling, long thunderstorms Johannesburg has experienced this season.

All in lieu of the couch.

With The Castle on in the background.
(“See that lace on the corner of my house? It's fake. Adds a bit of Victoriania to the place don't you reckon?”)

A bit off the topic, but the person with whom I spent the evening knows a thing or two about snakes (not trousersnakes, the other snakes), which humbles even my knowledge of the slithering, venomous crazy-as-fuck creatures.
I'm terrified of snakes, so therefore I know my enemy – I know which snakes can do what to me, should they sink a set of fangs into my skin.

But I didn't know that the Puffadder stores venom just behind its fang, like a vile of always-releasing poison, ready to turn your hand into a gangrenous dead thing.

And the black mamba's neurotoxin won't only stop your diaphragm and therefore you asphyxiate and keel over and die, the poison stops your heart as well. So anti-venom is useless, it's better to have a lung respirator machine. Because that's convenient.


Anyway, the thunderstorm transfixed me last night.

Also, gotta appreciate a dude who knows his cabling. Had DVD player issues, so he rewired my ...home entertainment system. There's nothing like a dude throwing out a, “No, your output cable needs to reroute through the RCA.”

Dude. Hubba hubba?

I mean, a dude who rewires shit/gets grease streaked across his face/knows how to hold a spanner/fiddles with electrical equipment/plays with machinery – well it's not a cack attribute. Let's face it.

I mean I'm all for changing my own lightbulbs. But hell men are hot when they do it instead.


Deano said...

Wayne Kerrigan: How's Mum?
Dale Kerrigan: Good.
Wayne Kerrigan: How's Dad?
Dale Kerrigan: Good.
Wayne Kerrigan: How's Trace?
Dale Kerrigan: Good.
Wayne Kerrigan: How are you?
Dale Kerrigan: Good.
Wayne Kerrigan: How's Steve?
Dale Kerrigan: He's all right.
Wayne Kerrigan: Good.
Dale Kerrigan: [voice-over] We could just chat for hours.

It's a baaaargain.

Revolving Credit said...

If the guys suddenly seems really hot when changing the lightbulb, DO NOT touch him!

Use a broom stick or anything non-conductive to seperate him from the socket...basically wack him with the stick til he lets go of the socket or you could just turn off the light switch.

You may encounter the slight odour of burnt hair possibly mixed in with a fresh urine smell.
Counter this with airfreshener and papertowel.

Forget the lightbulb for now and light a candle.

Peas on Toast said...

Deano: 'Yeah...I was gonna turn Coco's house into a spare bedroom, but council wouldn't have it.'

C'mon Dale, tell them what you did today!
Dale: Nah, I couldn't.
Aw c'mon, tell them!
Everyone...Dale dug a hole.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - ahahah. Or I'll just change my own lightbulbs and leave him to do the wiring.

I cvould talk cable re-routers until the cows come home.

Revolving Credit said...

Wiring skills, so he's quite good at draad trek???

Peas on Toast said...

Rev what's that?

Revolving Credit said...

Ask someone who actually speaks Afrikaans to translate.

Peas on Toast said...

I'm scared. In case it means 'fuck me over the railing' or something... tell me!

Revolving Credit said...

You wish.

It directly translates as 'pulling wire'.

Revolving Credit said...

The implication is wanking.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - ah. Surprisingly unlewd, especially for you :)

icepick said...

Does he cook.. thats the question.

Revolving Credit said...

You said nubile lover which is used to describe a sexually attractive woman.

So were there 2 people in your flat - Hot chick and wire puller?

Or were there manboobs involved?

Peas on Toast said...

icepick - hmmm...good question!

Rev - correct. Two. Dos. Due. Deux. Twee. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

2 people or 2 manboobs?

Peas on Toast said...

6000 manboobs, two people and 800 pizza slices.

Revolving Credit said...

6000 manboobs...mmmm...sounds like you're the culprit.
Was this you?

Are you a pirate??

Paula said...

- Rev: wahahahahahahaha

- Peas: yup; I have a special thrill for when a man changes a tire. All that flexing. Yummmm.

The rain cramped my style a bit; I was out with the girls; but I liked it in that it cooled me off when it got a little too hott inside.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - you beauty - where do you find this shit? ;)

Paula - glad you had a good night out with the girls! Not ideal driving whether though...

Jam said...

Haha! I rewired my boyfriend's entire Home Entertainment now does that make me hot or something??

Anyway - on the snake thing - often a sign of a fear of sexual anything...think about it.

You shoulda played the piano...

Revolving Credit said...

Ooo...was that titillating?

Jam said...

Yes. I shocked myself a couple of times when attaching the cables...

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - ooooh babe, go you hot thing! If I could rewire a system with the grace of a mechanic, I'd be stoked! :)
That's hottttt! xxx

Peas on Toast said...

Jam - haha did your hair stand on end?

kyknoord said...

Nothing better than hanging out at home and getting all wired.