Wednesday, March 11, 2009

early rising


Went over to Dove’s new shagpad last night for some very grown-up and mature whiskey, and to sit on her unpacked boxes pondering the meaning of life, art deco furniture, and the love of her cat.

I treat cats with the same indifference they treat me. It's a workable relationship.

By the way it's 5:30am. I HATE getting up when it's still dark, it really doesn't bring out my best side.
And maybe had a pinch too much whiskey last night. Och Aye!

Had to wake up at this ungodly hour to head to Pretoria this morning. Little silly perhaps having that extra whiskey. When I have a German inquisition to attend at the embassy this morning.

The Dove – being all sparkly and with British passport – gets to lie in. And generally muck about. Never has to apply for anything remotely related to a visa. Us Saffas, with Green Mamba in hand, have to basically hand over blood samples to step foot in another place, mostly.

Except for the the latino countries – they’re chilled like that. But for how long? This planet and its countries are locking the fuck down. A big reason is because Home Affairs was running a syndicated Fake Passport cartel, which the Brits, amongst others, didn’t really like.

And now, we need a bloody visa to go there too. (Speaking of…haven’t got my blood results yet. Maybe today) With any luck I’ll be able to go to the UKes sometime later year, but now I’m thinking “what a bloody hassle.” Have to get a visa after July, that’s a bit of a fuck up.

Arrgh! The sheer annoyance! Am going to seriously start looking into applying for an ancestral passport or something. My deceased grandmother was a Brit, so maybe?

But just in case you’re applying for a Schengen, this is what you need:

3 x colour mug shots, not smiling. (Because you put someone else at a disadvantage by smiling apparently). Some visas require an ear shot. They wanna see your lobe. What is that all about?

1 x bank statements from bank branch, for last 3-6 months.

1 x letter from bank saying your account is still active and hasn’t been shut down, and you have funds (at least R800 a day for travelling)

1 x visa form

1 x passport with at least 2 pages free, and won’t expire for at least 3 months after you’ve returned from your trip.

1 x return plane ticket

1 x letter from work saying you have a job, what you do there, and that you’ll be coming back.

1 x booking deposits at whichever hotel, FAXED through. Nothing will do than a good old fashioned are-we-in-the-90s fax.

OR

1 x invitation letter from a host in the country, that states they’ll take financial responsibility for you.

1 x proof of 30 days all-cover medical travel insurance that covers up to 30 000 Euros.

1 x 60 Euros or equivalent thereof, (65 pounds for British one) for actual visa – whether they approve it or not.

Oh and ensure you tick the multiple-entry box for Schengen, if you’re planning to visit more than one country.

So, all in all, it’s the biggest ball-ache since the Testicular Intrusion of 1978. I don’t know what that is, I made it up - but it must’ve made someone’s balls ache. Let’s be honest.

May they lieben me and grant me that precious little passport stickertjie. I am forbidden to talk about eisbeins, but if it helps I’ll kick it with a little bit of “Can’t wait to eat your delicious pig’s knuckle and spend thousands at your prime tourist spots.”

God I’m tired.

13 comments:

Revolving Credit said...

Kinda takes the fun out of touristing doesn't it?

frogman said...

and i thought we were the only ones who had to jump through hoops to make it to Europe... i blame todays youth, with their internet, and their hip-hop :p

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - I am finished with za queue! I collect it on za Monday - yeeeha! :)

frogman - I blame the fake passort syndicate going down at Home Affairs...sigh :(

Revolving Credit said...

So you're going to Germany and they're about to issue you a Shaggin Pass!

It's probably what's causing your breasts to ache with excitement.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - JA! ICH LIEBE!

rachel said...

FYI - If you have an entry stamp for the UK in the passport that you will use to travel, then you don't need the UK visa. (That's the info I got for travelling later this year.) It's called "a transitional arrangement" or something. Be sure to check but I thought at least to let you know there's that option...

Peas on Toast said...

Hi Rachel! That's what I thought too - at least until you get a new passport. I have a few UK stamps, but I heard after July it doesn't matter any more and you still have to get a visa?

I guess closer to the time I'll find out. :(

kyknoord said...

It's the biggest ball-ache since DIY vasectomy kits went on sale. It's the biggest ball-ache since Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the nuts.
It's the biggest ball-ache since Julius Malema sat on the circular saw by accident.
It's huge!

po said...

Peas I have been refused schengens so many times i cant even count. Ball ache is not the word.

You should get your ancestral visa asap, you never know when that will cease to exist. Seriously, it is getting harder and herder for us unancestral saffas to go anywhere.

CM van Schyck said...

I dream of a place and a time where no one asks for my friggin' passport or my visas or want to know how much cash I'm carrying or what I've got in my bag and want to confiscate my only good tweezers...

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - my ovaries are aching after reading that! ;)

Po - seriously? Why though, on what basis? I'd be interested to know, because if we manage to get all the paperwork for them, surely it's a no brainer? Shame babe :( I really am going to look into that ancestral stuff - if at all possible!

CM - I heard you can moor a boat in Aldabra and you'll get to keep your tweezers :)

po said...

I think I got refused one time cos the lady thought I was a lesbian. Long story ;)

Only problem with the ancestral thingy, you have to live in the UK for a million years!

Peas on Toast said...

po - oh my greatness, shame babe that sucks! Isn't that discrimination? Who cares even if you were lesbian?? That's so ridiculous.

Yeah they've added another 3 years onto the passport/citizenship thing in the UKes. You don't get one after 5 years now, it's 8 years. Blimey.