Wednesday, April 15, 2009


It looks like I might be going to Turkey. In June. For work.

Oh my, the brain doesn’t know whether to think of eisbeins or Persian carpets, but either way – I don’t think you quite understand how fucking excited I am now.

See this is how it works for me. The most amazing things in life (in order of preference):

1) Sex
2) Experiencing foreign countries
3) Food
4) Wine
5) Audi’s

Now because I’m currently not doing number 1) – strictly speaking…at least not with anyone else…that means Number 2) falls into first place. Because I figure, if it’s not happening, then might as well take it off the list and usurp number 1) with the next best thing – travel.

Some people get to mix travel and sex, and that’s a bigger bonus than a Credit Suisse’s executive annual payout. When the two merge, then you’re just about fucked, because you’ll forever remember that moment and only view things with disappointment for months after you return.
I wonder how many returning honeymooners, after endless shagging, champagne and siteseeing, need happy pills for when they return to normality.

But just on it’s own, travel gives me an orgasm. Whether I’m staying in a five star hotel (work), or a hostel dormitory with 14 other people (play). And getting to see a place like Istanbul, my God - I may have had some shoddy luck with relationships, but fuck, I certainly am so blessed to have the opportunities to see these different places.

I’m so bored with Johannesburg, it’s like my soul isn’t even here at the moment. I could platz, seriously.

Everyone seems to be talking about the same thing: getting married. I can’t even imagine what that’s like, on any level, at all. It must be nice, since everyone seems to only talk about that subject. I’m sure it’s fabulous, the joy must be intense.

But understand that when I say I need to get out of here and take a break, I really fucking mean it.

When half these folks throw a divorce party five years from now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to relate to that either.
Make no mistkae, I really do love weddings. They’re full of love, a good party and the bride always looks exquisite. I just feel somewhat removed from the topic du jour. Being a bridesmaid bought me closer to it, definitely. I enjoyed being part of a bridal party, especially with a couple who love each other so much.

And so you can imagine how excited I am to go to Turkey. I never saw myself going to Turkey. Much like Israel – they were maybe 40th on my list. Near Zimbabwe and Tallahassee, Florida.

I don’t know much about Istanbul, only one thing springs to mind. My favourite author Bill Bryson (I love you Bill. Call me), wrote a line about Istanbul once, in his Neither Here Nor There novel.
It’s descriptory, in just the right way:

The one truly unbearable thing in [the] city is the Turkish pop music. It is inescapable. It assaults you from every doorway, from every lemonade stand, from every passing cab.
If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anaesthetic to a background accompaniment of frantic sitar-playing, you will have some idea of what it’s like.

Shit that’s exciting.

You’re a card Bill. Let’s get it on and then marry in Vegas. But if that is not to be, then I’ll just take the travelling. If that’s what the Universe is giving to me instead.

And mates like Dove who purposefully wear skinny jeans and hightop All Stars to my house for dinner. Because she knows how I’ll react.

She does it everytime.


mEeLa said...

Hey Peas, here's to hoping you get some Turkish Delight if ya know what i mean ;) ur lucky to be traveling single.. No boyfriend at home to have to be good for!

The Chantal said...

Awwww how exciting! lucky you!

I read an article last week about a german teenager who died in Turkey after drinking some home-brewed alcohol, there's alot of "moonshine" around there, and you don't know whats in it, so I'd advise you to be very careful about what you drink there, otherwise coooool, should be very interesting. Some Turkish guys are also quite hot, but you'll see lots of them in Germany soon :)

Peas on Toast said...

MEeLa - hello there :) hahha, funny you mention Turkish Delight - was just thinking that myself! Never tried one of THOSE before ;)

And you're so right, my job is incredible that I get to travel sometimes, and even though I am single, I feel like the luckiest girl on the planet.

Chantal - soooo exciting eh? I'll be sure to look out for this crazy ass 'moonshine' thanks for the head's up babe :) Perhaps I'll just see what they have in the way Although that could be seriously dodge :)

Tam said...

Hey Peas, I have been to Turkey and it is FANTASTIC, I even got myself some hot Turkish ass and it was YAY!

Peas on Toast said...

Tam - serious?? Nice! I must say it's one place where I haven't thought of hot nubile men, so you reckon he was a Turkish Delight?

Kate said...

Heya- im so JALOOS!
Heard Turkey is ama-zing!
have a blast. :)
Peas i neeed your help- you mentioned you are sooooo bored with Joburg. Me tooo :( it's terrrible- some days i love this city some days i wanna die of boredom. Please some tips advice and PLANS to make Jozi more bearable!!
I really miss living overseas and if i could id be on a plane in a heartbeat ..but alas for now i must be sensible and apparently, bored bored bored.
Suggestions? (turkey is not an option; p)

Peas on Toast said...

Kate - shame babe, someone who feels my pain. Look if you're less indifferent to me and stuff, there're things to do here for sure. I just feel like I've done them all, and everything seems to equal the same result.
What are you looking at doing? Parties or exploration?

My latest favourite - and this sounds lame - but I am loving it because it's a sanctuary in the middle of this place: the Bryanston Organic Market. It's filled with hippies and organic enthusiasts, but it's great for just strolling around, buying good food, sitting under the trees and free hand massages. (Open Saturdays and Thursdays)

tyrone said...

Peas, I'm with you on the marriage thing. And it seems to be happening young again at the mo.

What's up with that? Why do people feel the need to rush into a lifelong commitment?

And another interesting thing... Have you noticed how, after marriage, the dynamics of the relationships between a married couple and their single friends changes.


Peas on Toast said...

tyrone - for sure. I mean I'm super happy my mates have found happiness, and it's enthralling to see - I can only be happy for them. And one day I might have that too, who knows. But yes the dynamics are changing, it comes down to the dynamics - and suddenly as a single person, your so called life isn't as important as theirs somehow. Maybe I'm wrong. Who knows.

Miss T said...

Lass I LOVE LOVE LOVE Turkey. I was there last month in Istanbul and Izmir and the place rocks. Got to do the clubs in Taksim square and near the Bosphorus. Istanbul is crazy mad...just how I like it

Peas on Toast said...

Miss T - crazy mad, we LOVE crazy mad! Yay Miss T, thanks for the recommendations! I will certainly have a look at the clubs on that square - yay, I'm so glad you loved it! :)

kyknoord said...

I just can't take Turkey seriously. Takes ages to cook, too.

Peas on Toast said...

Kyk - it also makes you sleepy. Fact.


The Chantal said...

I just saw the article again, it was THREE kids who died after drinking the vodka in Turkey, from methanol poisoning:
"These three had received their drinks at the hotel bar, local alcohol fell under the “all-inclusive” regulations. Other classmates who had purchased a bottle of vodka from one of the hotel waiters and had drunk it in their room along with cola had various symptoms of methanol poisoning, among them blindness. Two hotel managers and the hotel’s alcohol supplier have been arrested and are facing charges of grievous bodily harm, possibly of murder if the supplier’s or hotel staff’s main motivation was obtaining profit from the sale of impure alcohol.

Revolving Credit said...

So getting banged on the bonnet of an Audi in the parking lot of a cheese and wine festival in rural Provence is your thing?

Peas on Toast said...

Chantal - thanks for the head's up1 I'll be sure to buy licensed non-dogdy looking non-moonshine there!

Rev - wahahahahahaha you're a PEACH. Perfect! It's perfect it's perfect I want it, I want it! Marry me!


tyrone said...

Peas - Don't think you're wrong. I sometimes think the same thing. But I guess it does work both ways...

My married friends have (purposefully I think) not invited me to dinners / braais with other married couples.

And I guess when I'm planning a jol with the mates (mostly single or not-so-serious couples) the married ones don't really seem potential invitees.

Silly though but maybe priorities change? Or maybe we feel out of place in an environment with lots of married couples or vice versa?

Peas on Toast said...

Tyrone - for sure. I guess it just comes down to what we relate better with at the time, or different priorities. I still love jolling with my married or about-to-be-married mates definitely. Although big jols are a thing of a past :)

tyrone said...

Big jols a thing of the past? But Whyyyyyy?


An occasional razzle dazzle that takes epic proportions is allowed. Like hitting the Jolly for a quick drink and leaving at 3 the next morning. Unexpected. Unplanned. But so much fun.

Peas on Toast said...

Tyrone - yep, I think I might even be over the 3am-mer. It's hard to swallow, and it's taken me some time to process this with much disbelief. But I just get bored with that scene now too. Every now and then when it's spontaneous, and when there's a good group around, the drinks are flowing, yip I absolutely agree. Every weekend? I can't keep up the pace...

Revolving Credit said...

Ooh..I found one of your holiday pics.

tyrone said...

Yup.... I think it comes with being almost 30.

Went on a bender from Dec to end Feb and eventually my body and brain just gave up.

I think I became a vegetable for a while! :)

And trying to get back into the slower pace of things isn't the easiest.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - oooh you naughty naughty boy!
Was this on the road down to the Cote? (d'Azur). I forget :)

Tyrone - oh for sure. I've been feeling like a vegetable for weeks after the bender I had at the wedding in Cape Town. The recovery times are getting slower. But every now and then you have a goodie. I'm hoping when I'm 50, I'll still have some energy in this old bird to dance on tables every now and then :)

Revolving Credit said...

You find 3am-ers a bit hard to swallow????

Can we then assume that you have no problem swallowing before 3am?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - cool, done. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

In an Audi @ 200kph??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - how about...180km/hour?

Cuts the fine down by about 200 ront.

Revolving Credit said...

Hey, whatever Revs your motor!

Husbands Anonymous said...

I have an aunt, who isn't in Turkey, specifically, but she is in Europe. She asks if you would mind shipping back a smal crate of marmite. Thanks, hey. You da mannnn.

dove said...

he he. Guess what I'm wearing. brrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrrr nrjkshfejawkdfhjandfjkwandjwand

fuckit i am so fuckin bored

wanna call me to talk about Eisbein?

Peas on Toast said...

dove - surprise me and wear heels the whole trip. come. ON!

PS: eisbein, vacuum-packed for all our friends. They'd love us, liebschen.

Peas on Toast said...

dove - surprise me and wear heels the whole trip. come. ON!

PS: eisbein, vacuum-packed for all our friends. They'd love us, liebschen.