Thursday, April 16, 2009
may the force be with you
So there are two types of PMS.
Just in case you were dying to know, he-creatures.
The I-wanna-rip-their-head off type and the What-a-beautiful-song-I-think-I’ll-just-start-crying type.
Sometimes chicks will be both, good luck with that. Hold tightly to your testicles.
Some chicks get cranky and blow the odd fuse. I’m dealing with the unexplained tears at the moment. The other type of behaviour prone to hormonal tarts.
You see an advert featuring a dog for Science Diet dry chunks and you feel the prickle of tears because it’s just so beautiful.
Watching something like Gorillas In the Mist would be a mistake.
Hearing Whitney Houston over a supermarket PA system would be certain death.
Watching Top Gun would just make you horny. It’s the way he grinds his jaw, coupled with a past that doesn’t include Scientology. This makes Younger Tom Cruise a very hot man. You cry because he’s so hot.
I haven’t had this spectrum of PMS for about two years. Crisis. Whereby you’re working at your computer, focused, poised, alert and geeky, and suddenly, out of nowhere, you feel an unexplained emotion well-up like a levee. When you took your Chevy there.
Because Spandau Ballet’s 80s smash hit True is banging away in the background probably, and it reminds you of carefree holidays as a child when your mum dressed you in smocked overalls, and then you cry.
You think about Turkey and Germany, and search for bayou’s in Alabama using Streetview on Google Maps. It’s all too exciting and overwhelming that you inevitably want to sob like a baby.
What the devil is going on with the hormones this month?
Luckily the intensity of this stuff is only about 2 days. Your skin and body feel ultra-sensitive though too. Just to the touch. If someone pinches your love handles, you shoot through the ceiling. I caught my tangled hair in the shoulder strap of my handbag at the shop and yelped.
Your skin is extra-sensitive, and you’re at your horniest. Biologically speaking, a woman’s libido is at its highest just before…the vibe. Someone hot will brush past you and you’re instantaneously randy.
It’s an interesting time, because if you observe that you’re hypersensitive for a reason (called ‘Oestrogen’), you’re more aware and you can handle the deep, intense emotions you’re feeling. Or otherwise try and avoid things that may cause sadness.
I’d love to know how men would be if they had a ‘bodily cycle.’ I’d like to stand on the sidelines watching how a man would handle PMS. It would be scary and entertaining at the same time.
But that aside, it’s a very sad day anyway.
My colleague’s brother, who has been battling cancer for 6 years, passed away over the weekend. My heart goes out to her and her family; she was so brave.
I am attending the memorial service today. It’s going to be emotional.