Monday, May 11, 2009

can't we all just chill in a park?

It's not fair to compare, but I have to point out the difference of this weekend and last weekend, purely for, well comparitive value.

This weekend: Braai, cue mixing wine and champagne and coke. In one glass. Losing glass. Usual debauchery.

Last weekend: I did something I haven't done since first year. Went to bed while people were going to work.

From the top, me, my German friend, Dove and his mate decided to hit it harder than the Hasselhof consortium, and first went to his flat for some sundowners.

I wore my new fuck off expensive – crazy bird I am – blue electro dress. The dress to end all dresses. So tumbly and slick it is, one feels at one with nature - naked in fact - while wearing it. Now that's good design.

We got decidedly pissed, Dove was wearing a bright green coat and kept on saying, 'I'm a wearing fucking snooker table mate.' Where one guy piped up, 'Cool, can I put my balls on your chest then?'

We went from pub, to club to a house party where they had films projected on the wall, drinking more, going to retro spots with electro music, when my German mate, Tony, got into tourguide mode – and what a fucking peach he is.

He recruited a group of Spaniards on the street to join us on a 'pub crawl tour.' These okes genuinely thought we were a tourgroup so just latched on for the next two clubs. 'So donde did you find out about this tour?'

Tony was the best local club tourguide ever. Tony ran a tight ship. Tight ship Tourguide Tony. Telepathic Telephonic Tight ship Tornado Timetable Turn It On, Turn It Off, Tune In Tune Out Toronto Tapeworm Tungsten Tourguide Tony.

And that was to be his name for the rest of the weekend. We partied until the sun came up, a Berlin sunrise whilst still sipping on a Beck's is an extraordinary experience. Especially when people are still queueing to get into some of the clubs at 10:00am.

We walked home while people were out and about, needless to say the electro dress looked worn-in, the hair looked like I'd been struck by lightning, we were WELL tidy walking into our hostel, while everyone was eating cornflakes looking quite dignified.

Such a beautiful day it was though, Tight ship Tourguide Timetable Turn It On Turn It Off Tel Aviv Tony had more in store for us. We went to chill in the park to collect our thoughts, because by now we hadn't slept for 24 hours.

When the sun shines, Europeans take full advantage of their public parks. It's awesome. And therefore tend to strip down to all but their doondies to harness some Vitamin D.

We sat in the park and talked peanut allergies and metaphysics, if I remember correctly.

On a hangover. Hell's tits.

Then Telephonic Telepathic Tourguide Turntable Turkey Timetable Tree Tight Ship Tony hired a Mini and drove us around Berlin.

Dude. You know you've tasted heaven when you're wheelspinning around Berlin in a Mini with two hot guys and your best mate.

Tight ship Tony didn't skip a beat, he drove us on the Autbahn down south to Potsdam. A town relevant in history, and also known for its grand castles, beautiful lakes, tree-lined streets and gorgeous, stately houses. Affluent people have lived here.

We strolled around Wannsee Lake, where I got my first real taste in German nudity. I heard Germans tan starkers, but I didn't quite believe it until I saw it hanging all out. In the flesh. Literally. They lounge about, chilling, tanning, reading, playing cards, generally just soaking up nature...naturally.

It was surreal walking through there, and one tries not to ogle at obligatory vajayjays and nomthondos while doing so.
It's just what they do. Thought briefly about stripping off, going completely balls to the wall, and getting involved. Briefly.

We sat and chilled in this amazing green park, not a fucking trouble in the world. It was the perfect day after a perfect night.


Stopped at a beer garden on the way back to Berlin, because Tourguide Tight Ship Timetable Tiesto Tantalising Tony couldn't let us leave without visiting a beergarden.

That night we pushed through some more. Our last night in Berlin – we ate schnitzel, and we visited a shishi? shisha? bar where people chillax, listen to lounge music, smoke a hubbly bubbly and kick their feet up.

They let us in this time. Last night apparently we all stumbled in and the guy basically said, 'You're too drunk, sorry, come back tomorrow.'

Hilarious, what.

Surely fucken not. Apparently everyone gets in, it's like going to MacDonalds.

Then we had to leave. Emotion prevailed. Had to say goodbye to Tourguide Tastic Rice Tony and his counterpart, had to say goodbye to Berlin, and had to head back to Amsterdam.

Which consisted of soup in Vondelpark and some serious sleep catch up.

So yes, in comparison to say a normal weekend, it was rather fucken peachy. This weekend in good old Jozibelle wasn't bad at all – I got taken out for breakfast and got taken ou for dinner. I also got to catch up with mates.

But I have to just say this – I have serious Euro fever right now.

No explanations necessary.


Revolving Credit said...

Maybe you need to don the eletro blue dress and Dove, the hooker table coat, and then head out into Jozi - who knows, maybe that will do the trick? or worst case, you'll turn some tricks??

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - you're right - totally relive what we did there, in costume and in character, and go to say...Sandton?? ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Or fake german accent and a stint of gratuitous sunbathing nuditay at Bruma Lake?

Peas on Toast said...

Can you step in as Telepathic Telephonic Timetable Tourguide Tony??

tyrone said...

No, no! Lakeside Mall in Benoni... That shopping centre that looks like an old steamer.

It'll go down a treat there. And just imagine what you could meet.

tyrone said...

Or is it Boksburg?

Peas on Toast said...

tyrone - will pose the idea to Dove: 'Let's relive our Berlin weekend by visiting Lakside Mall - yip and I think it's Benoni - but we need a stand-in tourguide. Or else it just aint gonna work :)

tyrone said...

I'll volunteer but you have to pay for any inoculations, visas, etc.

I have a friend in the area who'll ensure my knowledge of the geography is up to scratch.

I'll even find us a little bokjol to hit after the tanning session and entrance into Sutra.

Is Tramps still around? Or maybe even Presley's.

Peas on Toast said...

tyrone - Shit! You run a bit of a tight ship Tyrone! Tightship Tourguide Telepathic Telephonic Turn It On Turn It Off Tourguide Tyrone!

It's perfect. What about that place - EVOLUTION - hwere the Mattress Warehouse was, where BUMP was?? Can we fit THAT into the itinerary, tightship tourguide timetable tourguide tyrone?

kyknoord said...

Euro Fever? I hope that isn't a strain of Swine Flu.

Revolving Credit said...

Twas the tour of topless tanning teutonic travellers titillating tongue-tied townies

Peas on Toast said...

kyk - oink oink :)

rev - oh the tour of '69?
Ah. The good old days. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

You were 69ing on your tour??
You seem to have left that bit out of your description of your travels.

Pray tell us more!

Peas on Toast said...

Not I Reverend. But the people on stage in Amsterdam certainly were :)

tyrone said...

We could but it's a little far from Benoni. Might have to hire a Mini to get us there...

Peas on Toast said...

haha NOW THAT sounds alright!:)