Tuesday, May 12, 2009

your mum might understand


Well it’s fucking cold.

You realise you own 4 Dionne Warwick albums.

Which you listen to on a regular basis.

Your parents are living it up in Rio.

Your holiday photo albums are on the same rotation as your Dionne Warwick collection.

The layers of retro shit you wore in Berlin isn’t getting the recognition it deserves.

You wear your gold golf brogues to work – gold golf shoes are all the rage so shuttup then - and you get a, ‘Why, Hello the Tin Man! Are you looking for the Wizard Of Oz?’

You wonder if the Tin Man got the same heat from Dorothy.

The sun is setting at 5:30pm, it’s mid-year crunch time, the deadlines are but fast and furiously piling the fuck up, and you’re thinking about getting new side tables.

Conversation with my mother on Skype, while she was sitting on a bloody patio overlooking Copacabana.

The final straw happened when my handbag decided to off itself through some timeous strap estrangement at a client meeting.

Where I had to walk into a boardroom with it stuffed under my arm like a clutch purse. With one strap dangling off the side. Classy.

Ultimately, and what I’m really saying is, that holiday fever you still had a week ago? It’s gone.

One has to take Post Holiday Blues by the horns and reign it in - fast.
Or else it can be messy. One must be on guard at all times. Especially after a week like ours.

So I went to Klo’s house for dinner with the girls.
Came back with stomach cramps from laughing myself into a retarded stupor.

A dinner with your best mates will sort that dribbly shit out. Saw Dove again after a week of no Berlin, and we laughed ‘til we cried.

M: Those are some retro boots.

Peas: Aren’t they absolutely and truly fucking incredible? Sorry, but my Soviet boots tell a story. These things have seen things.

N: If those things could talk, what would they say?

M: They’d say ‘I did a lot of dancing to Abba in the 70s’.

Peas: Dove wasn't so sure.

Dove: I told her straight: ‘No mate.’

Peas: These boots were part of Communism.

The good news - post-holiday - is that my book is now on its second print run. Which is tremendously uplifting.

35 comments:

Monkigirl said...

If it's any consolation, I think those boots are pretty darn hot!

Peas on Toast said...

Monkigirl - thanks so much. They love you back for loving them.

;)

tyrone said...

FMB's.

Peas on Toast said...

Aren't they just, hey? ;)

(The boots say thanks for the compliment)

Banging. 80s style.

:)

tyrone said...

How does one bang 80's style?

Peas on Toast said...

Shoulder padding, Communist boots and an attitude to rival Annie Lennox.

:)

tyrone said...

ha ha ha ha.

break-dancing moves. big earrings. overalls. fmb's over leg warmers.

AND

a lack of horticulture.

sexy.

tyrone said...

hold me back.

Peas on Toast said...

It's what dreams are made of.

It's what got the porn industry to where it is today.

Larry Flint would even approve.

;)

tyrone said...

Should we start a magazine?

Peas on Toast said...

Tyrone - no let's make a movie instead.

tyrone said...

Ok. We need:

- A title
- A plot
- A script
- A cast

Peas on Toast said...

Check
Check
Check
Check
Check

Finally. My big moment.

;)

kyknoord said...

What's the traffic like on the Yellow Brick Road?

Peas on Toast said...

It sucks ass.

Next question Kykie?

frozen-heart said...

instant thought on seeing THE boots ... heck! i had a pair of those as a drum majorette in the 80's!

can i be part of the crowd in the movie please peas? i wanna wear my busby hat... just one more time

and as far as the gold choose .. look i would have been hysterical rofl

said as i slip my feet into my saandals (yeh! i live near the mountain!) and head out ... tara!

tyrone said...

Do we have premises?

Peas on Toast said...

ooooooh! Frozen-heart you were a DRUMMIE??
I always wanted to be one of those :) So you saying these boots saw a lot of batons and short skirts??

Tyrone, we have a plot! It's perfect! :)

Premises=main street, where we parade.

tyrone said...

Ok when do we start filming?

tyrone said...

And we'll need a fluffer.

Peas on Toast said...

Oh christ. Forgot about the fluffer. Rev whatcha up to on Sunday? ;)

tyrone said...

Ummm....

Can we dicuss this please?

Rev, um, isn't exactly my, um, ideal type of fluffer.

No offense Rev.

Peas on Toast said...

OK. Do you have any suggestions?

tyrone said...

Well she's need to have a little bum.

Needs to be hot.

And eager to please. But not too eager of course.

Peas on Toast said...

I have a few people I can call.

:)

tyrone said...

By the way, this isn't a m2m production hey!

strictly m2f and f2f.

tyrone said...

well you and my friend did have eyes for each other.

would you like me to see if she's available? ;)

frozen-heart said...

hell's an here's me thinking that fluffers were a thing of the past where in the 'olden' days it took like forever to set up the scene... mind you... the fluffer is also useful in 'cleaning-up' between 'shots' (no pun intended ;) ) so peas you will need sorting out some really hot stix for tyrone!

ja, can you believe i actually was a dummie oops! drummie ;) god where did my legs go to...
sir john adamson high school it was somewhere in the south of jozie, standard 6 and 7, like a life time ago and still i have my bootz and busby in a black boxed bag ...seems i have attachment disorder.

tyrone said...

Hell yeah!

Peas on Toast said...

frozen - ooh so you still own them?? That's fantastic, and they're probably worth a mint! (Also in sentimental value. Nice work, you should keep them forever I say!) xx

tyrone - ah. No I was thinking mpm. You've ruined the whole script. mPM. Male-Peas-Male. Come one, please Daddy?

tyrone said...

And I thought I had a starring role?

Sigh.

Way too many one-eyed-jacks for me.

tyrone said...

What's wrong with mPf?

Peas on Toast said...

If it's Alicia Keys, I'm in.
:)

tyrone said...

Fair enough. BELTER!

Peas on Toast said...

haha :)