Monday, June 01, 2009

contraptions & parker's grill

It's Friday evening, and I only wheelspin into the Woollies just as they closed their doors. Was maybe 5 and a half seconds too late. To get some wine for Friday evening. Closed.

So I instead trottered along to the Parker’s Grill restaurant next door – on Jan Smuts – in Rosebank - because this is important:

‘Hi can I buy one of your house wines to go please?’

‘No.’

Thick German accent; his attitude stinks.

‘And why not? The Greek place in Illovo sells me wine.’

‘Because it’s against the law.’

.............................

‘What? No it’s not.’

‘Yess it is.’

All the patrons are staring now, because he’s raising his voice and he sounds like Goebbels.

‘You’re not living in Chairmany anymore you know. C U Next Tuesday.’

I’ve had my first wrong-side-of-the-red-tape German experience.

Not in Germany; in Johannesburg. And I was furious. I have waxed lyrical about how structured and efficient and perfectly perfect the Germans are, I’ve gone on and on and on about frankfurters and stuff, and now this? THIS?

During this moment suddenly understood what people mean by ‘pedantic’ and ‘irritatingly law-abiding’ they are.

I came crashing down.

‘You’re being very stubborn. And I’ll NEVER come to eat here. Ever’

‘FINE BY ME!’ he roars, in front of all of his customers; poor sods who were eating under flourescent lighting under the watchful eye of Herr Hell over here.

It’s against the law Arrrgh.

And he didn’t have to fucking yelp at me in front of dining couplings, for heavens sake. So I went home, bitched about this to my German friend on the phone, [who agreed with my frustration FYI] and drank tea. Bugger you German man, bugger you.

Went to Albertsville Saturday and found myself some fucken fabulous furniture.
I turned my Beetle into a bakkie and loaded her up with this art deco stuff.

As one friend said, I’m missing the lamp with the ‘Afrikaans Tartan’ on it. Oh but I’m not – I’m collecting one with brown and orange woven shit all over it next week.

Aren’t they just the right balance between hideous and beautiful?Table with obligatory artefactsNaughty chair
Contraption with lots of glass and curly things

Went to watch the rugga at a braai this weekend and got suitably cockled up on red wine. In between obligatory conversation about masturbation.

As people do when they get drunk. And it’s half time.

17 comments:

Charmskool said...

Darn - all we discussed at half time was where we should go for dinner - Primi Piatti in Sea Point and the over-zealous waiter drove us nuts! As for after hours wine - I think Mr Delivery delivers that too. Well they offer the option in the book - never tried it though. So far I've never run out of "stock".

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - you've never run out of stock? Seriously? Wow, I need your whoreganisation skills lady - I'm always fresh out fo stock and it's never pretty.

Thanks for the Mr Delivery head's up though - haven't used him in years!

swisstwist said...

Oh I love the pink shoe!!! Wanna see more of the shoe!! :-)

Leider k├Ânnen die Deutschen sehr unbiegsam sein, denken an arme mich, der mit dem Schweizer leben muss!!

Peas on Toast said...

Swiss - this is what Google TRanslte spat out at me:
Unfortunately, the Germans very unbiegsam to think of poor me, with the Swiss to live!haha, I think I get what you're trying to say :) Wait until I can actually speak the langauge, I'll tell them to shove it, seriously.

PS: The shoe is quaint innit? Bought it on the side of the road. For the whole of womankind :)

mEeLa said...

Peas, i too often find myself desperately short of friday night wine, but i have a secret weapon: long after woolies turns its back on us, 7eleven in my area has a wine section that is only ever locked away on a sunday... There's probably one in your area too :)

Peas on Toast said...

mEeLa - hello there!
Back in the good old days of digs living in Cape Town - I had one right around the corner from me. Sure it was seedy as all hell, but it sold a good papsak at whatever time in the night - monday to sunday.

Haven't seen a 7Eleven anywhere near in JHB though - best I get on the phone and see :)

Monkigirl said...

Peas, I'm sorry to say this, but that is a butt-ugly chair. Pardon the pun

Margot said...

Don't say I didn't try to varm you... ;)

zuzula said...

loving the furniture... could do with some of that myself!

Peas on Toast said...

Monki - admit it, it's so ugly it's BEAUTIFUL! :)

Margot - I now consider myself duly vorned. ;)

Zu - next time you're in SA - YES SA! - teehee, I know where to take you :)

Monkigirl said...

No really, it's just ugly. But it would go perfectly with our kitchen cupboards, they're a faded lime green with the original glass sliding door-thingies. I'll let you know when we rip them out one day ;-)

Peas on Toast said...

Ooh yes! FIRST DIBS ON YOUR MANKY FORMICA KITCHEN CUPBAORDS!!
Yesss please :)

hahaha
Don't worry, you should've seen my mother's reaction when she laid eyes on it yesterday.

tyrone said...

Peas the corner shop in Parkhurst stays open quite late and has some wine... Never bought from it as we never run out either but it's worth a shot.

zuzula said...

i really must plan a trip :)

Peas on Toast said...

tyrone - what's this about you people NEVER running out of wine? Seriously, how do you DO that?? Teach me! Thanks for the head's up though - might have to head there when I'm out. Again.

Zu - YES. MISSY. YES.

The Elusive, Mysterious Ultra Fabulous Parenthesis said...

I have the exact double of that chair. Vintage 1970s, from Welkom, in the Vrystaat, nogal. I keep moving house, but it keeps finding me ...

Peas on Toast said...

Parenthesis - why hello there! :)

Good on you girl, here's to our fabulous, offbeat, not-quite-all-there taste! :)

Welkom eh? Beaut. Love it :)