Wednesday, July 22, 2009

the point of no return?

So. Do you think, after a certain period of time, there’s no turning back?
Perhaps you get just too comfortable looking after yourself?

You have to, just so that every crumb of your everyday existence, from changing oil in your car, to carrying side tables, to screwing in new lightbulbs, to life insurance, is taken care of good and proper?

Thought about it the other day – after more than a year single – I’ve managed to cope rather decently with:
1) Valentine’s Day. Which is worse than:
2) Birthdays
3) Christmas
4) Having to deal with crises like death/car troubles/retrenchments/dramas on your own.

Once you’ve done those things, and survived relatively unscathed, you shift it up another few gears, cranking it to the point where you buy your own perfume, jewellery, skimpy negligee, dinner, sexual playtime paraphernalia, holidays. And you don’t think twice about it.

If a dude stumbled into my independent little life, and got any of these things for me, it would be grand, sure. The welcome surprise on top of basic necessities that now include things I didn’t usually buy myself when I have been seeing someone.

I mean, I thought briefly about buying my own flowers. Then realised, “Shit.”

Maybe it’ll make my counter look all feminine and pretty, and it sure would be the nail in the coffin of all my domestic goddess goals. However.

Is it shooting a fly with a cannonball again?

Sometimes I think I’d love someone to look after me. You know, do the laundry and ironing and cooking.

Kidding. No seriously.

I can do everything I need to do on my own at this very moment – including starting to plan a holiday trekking through Vietnam and bits of China at the end of the year by myself – but sometimes men are just…larger.

And more all ‘rah’ about being the big protective shield and alpha-male, and really, they do a great job at it.

Some things are better done by a guy.

Like if I am walking down a dark alley and a skabenga jumps out, he can protect me, armour twinkling in the moonlight. Or know the difference between an IRP5 and an H1B. Or the difference between a diff lock and gorilla lock.
Yes, there are definitely parts of me that would love looking after, and it could make life easier in many ways.

I’m just not sure if I’ll be able to let go of running every single milli-aspect of my life by myself, that easily.

Should the time ever arise, of course, that someone does want to share the responsibility with me.
From my standpoint, on my little island, I just see co-existence/co-dependence seriously raising expecatations, where, right now I only have to rely on myself for everything.

And frankly, I trust what I’m doing. And it gets done. Eventually.

Despite the cooking and gardening abilities. But I’ve had two meals - of gourmet fashion and presentation - cooked just for little old me over the last month. So whose complaining?

The plastic patio plants need a run in with the Dust Buster by a semi-naked wonton god who looks exactly like Richard Hammond – no wait, is Richard Hammond – while I watch, though.


Anonymous said...

The little Petit Pois seems to have adapted rather well...
Yet I get the heart thing here. Everyone has a primal need to be loved. (End of story.) Sometimes though the mind and grind of paying the bills and life in general seem to strip us of the zest etc.
That is why I seem to have adopted my rather zesty way of life.
Valentines and Sexy gooodies for gals important to you? I hear Kalula has a special running to Durban on 13, 14, 15 Feb 2010!
Care to join me at "The Levi Store?" :0

Peas on Toast said...

Secret Diary - you've said it so well: all the general stuff seems to strip us of our zest. And what it feels like to be loved. Truth is, I don't even remember. Not that this is a bad thing, because life is rolling on as it does, and then I think 'Levi's Store, Valentine's Day?' - fuck yes :)

All Hail said...

Fack, how strange is it that all of us hot blooded single females seem to get to this point?!

I got crapped out on Bookface chat, from a dizzy height, by a gent (who incidently lives in a neighbouring, landlocked country)for always being busy when he IS in the country.

Sorry, if I enjoy my (sometimes) 3 hour gym sesh, Mnet and Vuzu series, and weekly Friday & Saturday opskops and some time with my fam.

Maybe I'm too set in my ways but should I really change for someone I'll only see once a month, if that?

A certain Destiny's Child theme come's to mind.

Peas on Toast said...

All Hail - oh man I hear you! As we get older we just become more set in our ways, and I find that my routine is SUPER important to me. Like when someone fucks with it, I feel terribly uncomfortable. Good God, what to do?? Is there any way of changing this?

It's also so much easier don't you find, to rely on the things we can do by ourselves. In a relationship you have to share and comrpomise and do things you don't necessarily want to do, and suddenly now I think, 'Nah...I really want to go home and rather watch the Friends series.;

Shit are we in dire straits or what?

Anonymous said...

Lets chat up a storm Miss Pois! I certainly am in favour of all the intigue of the hunt, sexy lingerie and perfume, even flowers and those lovely sexy little Lindt Lindor Red Chocky Balls.. So yummy. (best eaten out of a belly button) ;)
And after the hunt? Well, lets keep it flexible for now...

All Hail said...

Nah. They always say that someone walks into your life when you least expect it.

I think the trick is actually taking the time out to let someone in, making time for them. Right, now, almost 2 years later, I still don't think I'm ready for it.

See when you're dating someone, I think you're never completely yourself. No matter how hard you try, you're bound to lose a part of you, even if it is an eensy, weensy bit. Does this happen until you meet someone that compliments you? Mister Right, per se?

When you're single you're more open to adventure and trying new things, or at least I am.

Nessers said...

you are so right - a man would be nice to have around BUT I am secretly glad he is not - I can do what I want with the TV remote, eat all the healthy food I love without getting that look that the male of the species gives you if it is not a slab of meat, go to bed early and just read or just BE. There is also the added advantage of not wondering when not if your heart is going to be broken AGAIN

Peas on Toast said...

Secret - ah yes! And speaking of choccky balls - I've been buying my own chocolate - by the truckload - and the Lindt kind - all by myself too. Aren't we just so talented? ;)

Alkl Hail - See when you're dating someone, I think you're never completely yourself. No matter how hard you try, you're bound to lose a part of you,

You are speaking sense. And I agree with everything you say here. And this is the VERY reason I close myself off - because I'm sick of losing myself - even a teensy eensy bit - to someone who doesn't deserve it.
Would MUCH rather be alone than that.

And yes he may stumble in when I don't expect it - but I've totally given up on that as well.

Nessers - all soluid point and that's exactly why trundling along by ourselves is seriosuly not that bad! Especially as you say the added bonus of having a fully healed and functioning heart! :)

All Hail said...

Meeeee too! Sick of compromising for peeps that don't necessarily deserve it.

Glad you're talking about Lindt choccies...will see if I can hook some up for you sometime ;)

Anonymous said...

Miss Pois... so we have been buying the choc by the truck load have we? im not sayin a word.. :-) But sometimes its good when a gentleman is there to pamper and please a a sensual miss. Independent treating of yourself is good though. :-) Very important.. and the gentleman gets the benefit if you have been to the spa..
Life is good.. Looking forward to the follow on comments.. :-)

Amy said...

Funny hey, I was just thinking that I have become so territorial about dare I say it (because it is not really) 'routine' that I make people/events/things fit around if it means I've a long morning run planned then unfortunately our breakfast might have to be at 11.30 rather than 10.30, don't you even dare ask me to give up one of my classes/things I have planned for myself, you'll have to work around it!! But if it makes me happy, why should I compromise right? Because life's about me, isn't it?

Interesting that you headed to Vietnam at the end of the year, so I am!

tyrone said...

I know I'm only a ball-bearer :) but can I also stick my hand in the air and say that I'm in the same place?

This year is the first time I've realised the awesomeness in not having to worry about someone else and being able to focus on myself. And I'm becoming quite selfish with my time.

That's not to say I'm avoiding or specifically against having a relationship right now. I would gladly have one if the right woman came along, but for now I don't feel as though I'm missing out on something very important or like my life is unfulfilled because I don't have someone.

I have to admit though, not being a one-night-stand kinda guy, not having someone to cuddle with can be frustrating. As much as I love Rosie (she never misses a beat!!), nothing quite matches feminine persuasion.

Peas on Toast said...

Levi/Secret - oh for sure. The thing is, if a dude started doing those things for me - undies shopping etc etc - I'd be over the moon, if I have to be honest! Until then, I'll have to stick to my own Lindt :)

Amy - I love that - 'terrotorial with your time'. I hear you. If someone books something during a time I am busy or would prefer doing something else - I become selfish and say 'no, sorry.'

Ooh tell me about your Nam plans and I'll tell you mine? I'm soooo excited!

Tyrone - absolutely my dear - and this isn't geared towards girls only - we all deserve and love a little lovin' and although we do our own things and we become selfish with ourselves - and rightly so! - end of day, we can still function and actually ENJOY being alone.

Mini said...

How a marriage works

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband,
although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and
party with his old buddies ..

So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, honey bunch?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?'

She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany ,
Holland , Japan , India ,etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could
think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the
know...they have frozen glasses...'

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him
by saying,
'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?'
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was
getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the
Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I
won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'
You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took
out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in
blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing,
dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your
Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are
Married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere! Got it,

So he stayed home............
........and, they lived happily ever after.

Ok ok I aint sure of the happily ever after part but I am quite CONTENT being single

tyrone said...

Mini - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Love it.

Peas -

Anyway, maybe this is a common thing at a certain age? If you're not in a serious relationship at a certain age, when career/house/future starts mattering, people tend to push relationship-need out until the foundations of the other things are well and truly laid?

Maybe we're just part of that group that gets married mid-30's to late-30's?

Now what about lindt undies?

Amy said...

Mini - LOL...except I would happily shove a husband to a bar so I could do my own thing! Particularly on a sat when there's so much sport on TV. :)

Peas - also incredibly excited! Starting in the North, making our way down South via train and plane, hoping to get through Hanoi, Halong Bay, Hoi An and HCM City before crossing over into Cambodia....details still have to be refined but getting there! Would love to have gotten to SaPa but can't because of time constraints!
How about you? :)

Thedailyspew said...

I think we all know how this works, you nearly over the hump where you will be completely selfsufficient and happy and only then will the man of your dream walk in and turn your life upside down - book a nice expensive holiday somewhere for Dec and guaranteed he will show up and expect you to come away with him to some strange place like Plett!!!

Revolving Credit said...

So you're looking for a hopeless romantic who'll buy you flowers, write you poetry, admire you in your sexy lingerie and stumpf you till sunrise but you is
a) otherwise completely useless and will let you plan and execute just about all aspects of your/his life.
b) isn't there
c) doesn't give a fuck
d) all of the above

a) is a mommies boy looking for a maid so pass
b) is a dickhead who'll use you and fuck you up so pass
c) has possibilities
d) run Forrest run

So out of this lmited set c0 seems the best option..hey?

Could be:
- airline pilot
- travelling saleman
- sailor
- convict/prisoner
- married man

I vote for pilot. Maybe you can milehigh your way to Vietman.

Anonymous said...

Mini: Lovely comment! Made my day and made me laugh, even if im not a wine/beer fly. (though a do enjoy the fruit of the grape)
I have other more intimate pastimes of a more delectable nature..
Im trying it on with Miss Peas right now. I'm sure to have competition! No problem!

Miss Pois: Maybe we should chat about the truckloads of Lindt being consumed? Not good! Rehab for this would require massive doses of nataturally produced endorphins! Are you in a good state of health and ready for the ride.. :)

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - hahaaha, nice work! :)

Tyrone - what I;'m confused about is that I'm pretty sure these foundations have been laid for me for at least a year now. But perhaps yes - we're only meant to meet our The Ones in years from now? I'm decided to let it all go/give up/not bother at all, and it seems to be working that I'm not unhappy. You're the same right?

Amy - yay! Planning trips is definitely one of the NICEST things in my life right now - are you going alone or with others? Your trip sounds very very similar to mine - starting in the North and making my way down South, stopping in Hoi An etc. I will also be spending some time in Hong Kong for a bit - dying to see that city.

How excited are we?? ;)

Spew - Plett?? HAHAHAHAHAHA. I have to laugh. I've spent A LOT of time in Plett when I was in a serious relationship. What are the chances of my so-called 'new dude' comign with me to places like...Nam? Thin or entirely probable? ;)

Rev - So you're looking for a hopeless romantic who'll buy you flowers, write you poetry, admire you in your sexy lingerie and stumpf you till sunrise
Stop right there. YES.

What, you mean dudes like this don't exist anymore?? Aw come on, don't squash my DREAMS.

ps: Pilot. :)

Levi - don't worry - I'm only consuming 2 kgs of Lindt a day on average. Jokes :)

Although that said - must sort out my saddlebags for summer. ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Come on, go for the milehigh, you'll make your dad proud!

Revolving Credit said...

Oops..forgot one.

e) Secret Agent

Anonymous said...

Lets work on those! Lets get going!Just joking! :)
Need a tip, if thats ok with you? Trying to discover and relate to one or two active Durban bloggy gals..
Any ideas or leads Miss Pois?
Would really appreciate any links or info..

Nessers said...

I have my own house, my car is paid off and I have no debt. My eldest child is in boarding school and my youngest will join her in the new year. Great my friends say - now you can jol during the week - all I can think of to say to them is FUCK OFF - I will be loving the solitude hehehe. The rule I think we all agree on here is - Do not make someone a priority in your life if you are only an option in theirs - and Sadly that is what I became to my ex and I was not prepared to be an option anymore and have now got selfish with my time grin

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - shotgun James Bond!

Levi/Secret - I can't think of any Durban bloggy pals on the top of my head - in fact I think I know a total of 5 people who actually live there :)

Anyone else who can swing Secret some Durban blog links?

Nessers - hearing you on the solitude sistah. The time I spend by myself - and trust me, there's a LOT - by choice - is my favourite time. :)

All Hail said...

Peas - our shotgun rule is: "you gotta touch it to call it" ha ha

Amy said...

Going with some friends, some join and drop off at different stages....also spending a bit of time in Hong Kong, also been dying to go there!

Planning trips to so many countries is SO awesome.

Reberoo said...

Peas - I also want to be loved and taken care of - but I don't think it's ever safe to rely on a man to buy you flowers - many of my girlfriends who have nice boyfriends NEVER have nice blooms gracing their countertops, which is why I buy my own :)