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I have a tan.

My hair looks like it’s a tumbleweed, my feet are polished from hours of sand-time, my skin is glowing, I laughed until I cried.

We spent four days in the lap of pure luxury, jolling with the staff, drinking mojito’s – sometimes all day long – no phones, spending time with my German friend, who we’ve named Fritzl The Shitzl, Ant and M.

Pretty much exactly what the doctor whoredered.

Mozambique really is one of the most friendly, beautiful countries on Earth.

Benguerra Island is exquisite.

We had lots of chats about wanking.

We flew from Vilnakulos to Benguerra in a chopper. A chopper mate. At one point, hovering just 5 metres over the waves, it was surreal.

I’ve done Mozambique a few times before, but never like this.

Nearly missed our flight back.

I’m tired. All that salt air has gone to my head.

The Ant was a peach. Fritz ran naked into the sea a few times in broad daylight. M was the ultimate host. They even played my trash music on my Shytepod.

Got a bit chowed by mosquitoes when I feel asleep under the stars. Malaria, swine flu…I’ll know in two weeks if it’s all good I guess.

And now, a shitstorm awaits me in my inbox. Funny how reality is never really far away, but paradise is.