Wednesday, August 26, 2009


This is La Ithla Bonita. My satin pumps on the Ithla Bonita.
Madonna wrote the song for me, with the lisp for added humourotic value – that’s right. Satin pumps are very ‘African island safari’, didn’t you know? Yeah, wear your Crocs, wear your strops, wear your Strocs, see if I care.

Always taking pictures of my shoes in situ. Because it’s proof I stood on the soil/sand/ground, and didn’t nick my holiday images off someone’s public Picasa album.

Yeah admit it. You’ve thought about it.

Just remembered - during a fleetingly clismatique and fevered dream last night – without freaking out or nuffing, we flew an airline called ‘LAM’ (Lineas Aeareas do Mozambique’ or somesuch) to Vilankulos.

The locals call it ‘Lost Around Mozambique’ and also, the very compelling ‘Late and Maybe.’

So, like, whatever, that’s why I’m a living, walking tough sticker.

And look. I’m not even dead or anything.

It might’ve bounced around in the sky like a pinball, but that’s neither here nor there. Besides, I took a chopper, right. Where the pilot said we had to wear our life jackets the whole journey. In case the bleeding thing fell out of the sky.

After sorting though a gazillion emails and workshops to catch up on – panic stations when I’m not in the office right – totals – September is the month for craziness.

I have some dashing and sexable plans in the month of my birthday. As it should be. Bringing in my year of turning 29, the last year of formative craziness and disruption that it is being in the last year of your twenties, as one would expect.

Right, so that sentence doesn’t make sense, but then, that’s what getting old is all about: I totally don’t give a fuck.

So I have a little sexy stint with someone coming up this month that is September. Spring has sprung, and let it be fraught with nakedness. Please.

I’m travelling Oop North this month. With someone. Oh yes. Well that’s the plan, and I’m so excited I could cut out tabloid pictures of Richard Hammond and plaster them all over my bedroom walls – and ceiling – it’s that exciting.

But I won’t. I promise. I’m cool dog. I’m always cool.

Now just finding a place to go – Oop North. A collaborated holiday with E in Egypt? Or maybe a little bit of burritos and fajitas and quesadillas and tortillas and tacos in Spain?

We’re talking 5 days here, so one has to choice location wisely. Also I only have two pages left in my passport, so I’m pretty fucked until I get a new one.

I have just enough days to go to London and Ireland (visa) and anywhere else (visa.)

Until I have to stand in a queue, smelling the sweat and the corruption at Randburg Home Affairs for my new fucken passport.

Can’t believe I’ve run out of pages. In the two years I’ve really been travelling.

Bureaucracy blows. I’m going to throw my CDs everywhere. And they’ll be clattering.

WTF am I talking about. Benguerra Island fever has got me by my non-existent scrotum, and yet the DoisM is no longer in my midst.

My dildo’s gone on the blink. Fuck.


Anonymous said...

those little ankles look totally sexable miss Peas! i did not focus on the choos.... thats cause im not a choos person... they are normally the first things off, unless theyr those little heeled "fuck me" pumps...

I thought we had covered the entire dolphin thang? :)

Peas on Toast said...

Levi - bless thanks :) We were discussing how almost everything in/on the body can be cosmetically fixed, pretty much. But cankles can't. If you're born with cankles, you're stuffed just about. Thank goodness I only get cankles after long flights ;)

My dolphin is not wekking. Need to get me a new one!

Secret said...

Good lawdie. 2 pages left? I havent even used ONE on mine (not to mention that I dont actually own a passport - not an international one I mean, Obviously I own the one that you require when you cross from the northern to southern suburbs in Cape Town - the people really are like two different breeds).

Man, I suck. :|

Peas on Toast said...

hahah Secret - kinda like how people from the northern suburbs in JHB cross over into the East and West Rands :)

Don't mock it, it's a different world out there, and passports are definitely needed! ;)

Revolving Credit said...

Like LAMs to the slaughter.

Secret said...

Well you know, I go to joburg fairly often and Ive noticed that the northerns there are like the southerns here. Lickily I moving to the border of the north and south this weekend, so I can be bi-polar about my breeding.
I usually stay on the East rand in jhb - in Rhynfield, which is a lovely place and reminds me muchos of home, but Ill admit, some of the other east rand locations are exactly what people make them out to be. Yikes.

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - yeah, it's almost sacrificial!

Secret - yup, it;s the inverse in each city it seems. And yip, I think it differes from suburb to suburb in all areas...I mean Charlize is from the very glamourous and sophisticated Benoni, while Vernon Koekemoer is from the more But all encompass the East Rand.

Charmskool said...

I have only used about 4 of the pages in my passport (it's quite new), and only need a couple for my trip to BA next year - I would only need 1 but the passport stamping people stamp so untidily...tut tut. So I'm thinking what about I tear out a few of mine and you sticky tape them into your passport - for a small fee (to add to the BA travellling fund). That should hold ya for a few more trips? It's a thought. Use it don't use it...

Peas on Toast said...

Charm - BA as in Buenos Aires? Wow very nice, I totally apporve! You don't need a visa for Argentina though - YIPPEE YI YAY! They just plant a few stamps onto stray pages. And yes please, I could staple some of your pages into mine :)

Peter said...

Dude, no visa needed for Ireland, and if you can fly from Cork to Newcastle, no visa needed for England either:) Did that flight 3 times this year and they treat it as internal.

Peas on Toast said...

Hey Peter!

Shit just when I was getting excited - the travel agent told me I needed a visa for Ireland now. Maybe they just changed it within the last week? (Plausible, since they're chnaging and cutting down on all the legislation all the time) Anyway, I have to fly via London and work there for a bit, so looks like I will have to get one :(

Peter said...

Website says we're a schedule 1 country and don't need them.