Wednesday, August 19, 2009


There was a bloody tarmac mixer outside my house last night. Making the most godawful racket. Was it running on a fucken genny?


As a result: I am flippen cranky. Two days ago, I was prancing about in heels, an orange tan, skirts. And was feeling the love in a big way.

And now – another cold snap, the tan is now a light peach, the coat is back on, and despite a solid effort of pistachio and water quaffing, my love handles are still saying hi to random strangers that walk past.

Fuck. Let me just say that I am not feeling the love at the moment.

Say you find someone a little bit attractive. Just in passing, and you think ‘oooh, hang on a sec….’ Then suddenly something happens, things seem a little off, and you’re suddenly repelled by the whole idea? You wake up, and in the flick of a switch, you think, ‘Oh dear God, no.’

You feel a bit ill, and wonder how on Earth you ever found them endearing? And how blatantly you feel opposite, literally overnight?

In the same grain – and it’s happening to me simultaneously – you start finding someone else unbelievably smoking.
You’ve always found them smoking, maybe.

You find all their jokes funny and you start dreamily thinking of them starkers/doing bad things with you/what heels you’ll be wearing when you next see them.

I’m not even talking about Richard Hammond, although it has to be said, he isn’t exempt from my thoughts. [Are you insane?]

Both feelings are equally as torturous. One makes you want to vomit, the other makes you want to fly.

I feel like I’m flying and vomiting at the same time.
Reminds me of a particularly hair-raising flight I had on Kulula once. Not to mention wreaking havoc with the emotions.

’m not looking forward to Mozambique. Not yet. I’m not looking forward to summer, I’m not looking forward to my birthday next month, I’m looking forward to my next real travelling adventure. Need to escape.

Two months until I go to Ireland. Oh hail ye leprechaunic Guinness-swilling hot man-things. It’s for work, but it’s going to be fun. I’m also deciding on where I should pop over while on the trip – I have to fly via somewhere.

Maybe Spain for a few days?
Maybe London for a few days?
Maybe Provence and Paris for a few days?

It’s time to start another tapeworm, adhered to my wall with segments that fall off, as each day passes by.

Sigh. I’m really in a bit of bind at the moment.


The Chantal said...

Me toooooo, one day I'm happy, next day I'm down in a funk, sucksss.
As for your tapeworm, heh heh I have my countdown back on my wall too, 13 working days and I'm back off to Germany, thank god.

Would loveeee to go to Ireland one day, I say stop off in Spain coz it'll be warmer than the other two options, but you have a strong affinity for France so go there!

Peas on Toast said...

Chan - ah man, only 13 days until you his Germany - am JALOOSE!

I can't believe this is the second time I'm going to Ireland, it's not a place I ever thought I'd go to be honest - so am SUPER excited. Only two months. God, how will I cope?

Yip, I'm thinking France is the way forward.
Maybe tomorrow it'll be somewhere different. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

Yes... seems to be a little chaotic in the veg garden it seems.. Not much better at the store. Doing stock taking right now! :) Oh fvck, the joy of the play ground!

expateek said...

Come to the States!

Anonymous said...

If I stick to my almond and green tea restrict-a-thon (our stranger-greeting love handles, methink they come from the same family) and get really small...then in two months' time would you please put me into your suitcase and take me with to Ireland and France or wherever you decide to go?
I shall learn contortionism really quickly too, so you can fit all your travel neccessities around me?

Benefits include a pre-packaged drinking buddy, a beginner's grasp of French and an armful of MAC that never leaves my side.

What do you say?

Peas on Toast said...

Levi - oooh stock taking! Exciting times dude! :)

expateek - oooh yes please! I haven't been to the States in years, and still ahve SO much ground to cover there. Where does one even start?

Jade - you're on. You have to dress up like a leprechaun though. Is that cool? ;)

Anonymous said...

Green's not really my colour, but I'll do my best

Peas on Toast said...

Excellent :)

Mickey G said...

Regarding your conundrum of where to pop over, I got back from the French Riviera on Saturday and I highly recomend a stop over in Nice and the surrounds. Beautiful weather, beautiful people and amazing scenery. It's like taking Prozac, all the time.

Anonymous said...

No Peas, No... This is not a case of stock taking as in "Taking the Stock", :) , this is a case of licking wounds.... before the next strategy session..

Peas on Toast said...

Mickey - oh man, Prozac ALL DAY LONG? Sign me up, where do I sign where do I sign??

Now you know why I plan to retire there. One day. In like 100 years time after I've saved enough to buy a box off the Route de Soleil.

Levi - oh man, sorry, I realised seeing your comment yesterday you broke up with your loved one! Am very sorry and lots of hugs to you. :( Give yourself all the time you need to lick those wounds - it's a necessary process!

Nessers said...

I know what you mean - I have been revellinig in my singledom for months now and then suddenly last night lying in bed I had a wee cry about my Ex who has moved on and is not seeing someone else (I have known this for a while) and for some unknown reason cos today I am back to myhappy self I missed him a lot yesterday - totally weird but thank god it was only temporary insanity and not an extended bump. I have a man travelling 6000 miles to come to a wedding with me - how romantic is that I ask you and I am soooooo looking forward to seeing him - its been a while

Revolving Credit said...

MMmm...your love handles sound decidedly..umm..friendly, saying hi to random strangers and all.

..and of course they do help a bit when the cold snap hits. I mean, notice how you don't have any arctic love handles, that's why. So hold on to them until summer really hits.
If they're still hanging around in 2 months time, hitting on random strangers, put them to good use and stop off somewhere colder, maybe a layover in Switzerland..mmm..I like that word..layover.

Aunty Helpful Dictator said...

The weather is a bit shit here in Ireland at the moment... It keeps raining on and off... so I would recommend somewhere nice and sunny on the trip... I say France because I love France and they have amazing cakes there... Spain is good too but the cakes aren't as good.

Laughed my ass off at your hamster letters below.... actually fuck France or Spain why don't you take a little time to stalk Hammond in person?!