Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Ant’s birthday dinner last night – happy birthday my little pumpkin seed! – God I love you – and we drank a lot of vino rosso.
And also simultaneously realised her tripod stand for her camera extends three times the height we used in Mozambique. Without knowing the tripod could do that. Until now. Christ we feel dumb.
For her birthday I bought her some pink fuck-me-like-I’m-single heels (she’s a taken women, but give the girl a chance), a I Love Cock Cup (because she does and should), and a colander. She has three already. Personal joke.
I needed to see my Italian mate very badly though, above and beyond the fact it was her birthday.
Peas: Dude, I have something in common with your dog.
Ant: She’s a bitch?
Peas: Yeah. That, and her name is Roma.
Peas: So…like….I’m going there. In 3 weeks.
Ant: What the fuck.
Peas: Yeah, with someone.
Ant: [gasp] You’re having a far-flung fling!
Peas: I’m going site seeing. Like I did ten years ago. Strictly speaking.
Ant: You little minx, site seeing? Is that what you kids call it these days? Rome?
Peas: Yes. So here’s the vibe. You know I took Italian at varsity? I can get by right. But I need a crash course. Forgotten lots, and frankly between the French and the Portuguese and the Spanish, it’s hard to tell what’s what anymore. I’m so confused.
Ant: OK what do you need to know.
Peas: OK. So what is, ‘I want to eat mozzarella cheese off your chest?’
Ant: Voglio mangere mozzarella formaggio del a su borso?
Peas: Cool. What is ‘Take me against the wall of the Sistine Chapel?’
Peas: Fuck it, I’m Catholic, I’m allowed. Besides this is all just for fun, it’s not like I’d actually say that.
Ant: ‘La muro de la Sistina…’ [something or other I can’t remember which is FINE, because being a LADY, I’d never say that. OBVIOUSLY]
Peas: What is….
Ant: Genitalia? Male genitalia? Catzo for cock and peno for penis.
Peas: For the love of Monte Cristo. I was going to ask how I’d order wine at a restaurant.
Ant: Oh. Voglio una vino rosso, per favore.
Peas: Cool. Thanks. Grazie.
Ant: You’re having a far flung fling.
Peas: God, I start Advanced French at the Alliance next week. Fuck. My poor little brain is going to be so bewildered.
Ant: Francia? Merdo.
Peas: What is ‘That car is beautiful, and so is your face.’
Ant: La macchina es bella, e dunque ti faccia.’
Peas: And, …. ‘I am…soft and fragrant.’
Ant: Are you fucking serious? ‘Sono soffice e fragrante.’
Peas: And what about…..‘That tomato is awesome.’
Ant: ‘La pomodoro es bellissimo.’
Peas: Is this artichoke salad? You made artichoke salad?