Thursday, September 03, 2009

sorry but why


Sorry but why:

Do people watch Dr 90210?
We’re not all doctors, ok. In that not all of us get off watching a dude draw a scalpel across someone’s breasts, or stuff a lipo tube into someone’s thighs, or thread a needle through someone’s new hairline. At close range.

The camera angles on the Discovery Channel have nothing on this crock of shite. And because it’s on during dinner time, forgive me, but I want to vomit up my semi-digested soup and croutons onto the coffee table.

Why do people have to get old?
I’m not even talking about me here. I’m letting go of caring about getting old. By myself. As a spinster. Forever.

I’m talking about my grandparents. My grandfather is very sick at the moment, and they’re not giving him long to live. He’s starting to have renal problems. When the kidneys get uppity, the prognosis is never good. This, I’m afraid, I haven’t mentally prepared for yet.

My poor French grandmother is constantly taking him to hospital. As a result, my mother and I are flying down to Cape Town for an intense all-consuming family weekend on Friday night. No pleasure factor here, I am of fearful dread.

Why are some things completely and insanely unanswerable?
Like how after I’d saved 3 hours of work onto a Word doc, my hardware malfunctioned, simultaneously was faced with the Blue Screen Of Death, and even though I fucking saved it, the words were nowhere to be found on the file?
But the file is still there? Where are my fucking three hours of reports please?

Why is ingesting too much caffeine bad for cellulite, yet there’s caffeine in my Bootcamp For Butts cream?
It’s like not being allowed to eat ice cream, but it’s fine to rub it all over my ass.

Why does this one song remind me of white Y-Fronts?
It really does paint a most unappealing picture in my mind, and there is no reasonable attachment to the song [From Royksopp’s latest album Junior] to the underpants in question.

It’s a fucking fantastic track, and yet, day-in-day-out, it is marred in the William Nicol traffic, by perhaps the worst doondies that ever were ever.
What gives?

Who’s the arsshole who created Y-Fronts?
He’s ruining my life.
Not that I’m seeing any Y-Fronts in real life or anything, but he’s still ruining my life.

16 comments:

The Levi Store said...

That image just does not suit your lovely blog, and aside from that it reminds ud of really bad inventions.. a gents tie for example.. a tie can look good, but so silly and senseless...

now please pass the bleach to clear my brain.. :)

The Levi Store said...

ud = us, sorry.. lysdexsic again

Peas on Toast said...

I hear ya Levi! And I have that bloody image in my head everytime I listen to this song - and it's the BEST song on the whole album. Sigh :(

kyknoord said...

Hey, if you don't like them, don't wear them.

Debi said...

sorry about your grandad, dude. dealing with that stuff is never easy. and dealing with it with Y-fronts in you head - impossible.

Peas on Toast said...

kyk - oh my word, hello my little friend! What a delight to see you here stranger.

Ref wearing them: are you insane? ;)

Debi - thanks. I have no idea how I'm going to go about dealing with this amongst all the other stuff going on. Oh dear :(

The Levi Store said...

Peas.. iv got serious top secret information for you.. like lock up stuff...

(that pale pink pom poncy boy ya fancy wears those Y fronts!)

Now "Y" style "whale-tail", really looks good on a gal in Levis.. (even without the heels!)

So the inventer of the "Y" was onto agood thing, just a little confused.. x

Peas on Toast said...

Levi - so THE LEVI GUY CREATED THIS ABOMBNABILITY?

Revolving Credit said...

Mocha flavoured ice cream lathered over bums and thighs...
...kinda like Vida e meets beauty spa.

Somehow you've suddenly made the blue mountain blend I'm currently drinking seem very bland.

So, does you ass come with sprinkles???

Peas on Toast said...

bLUE MOUNTAIN BLEND rEV? nOW that SOUNDS GOOD :)

My ass comes with cinnamon dust baby.

Mickey G said...

Peas Im totally feeling your pain on the whole Dr 90210 thing.

Tues night is family night with the in-laws and I switch on the telly and what shows up. Yip you guessed it.

Have you ever watched a boob job in the making with your mother in-law? Not fun.

Sorry to hear about your grandad. After watching my gran pass I have a new found respect for old people.

po said...

Sorry to hear about your grandad Peas. I have only one grandparent left and it feels like I am losing something of myself when I lose them. It's so hard.

Revolving Credit said...

So how exactly do you apply/spread this coffee on your ass?

Wanna see my plunger??

Revolving Credit said...

So you cinnamon buns are the real deal?

The Levi Store said...

Peas.. I hear you on the Gran dad thing.. I think we all hear you. As for the whale tail? Def did not invent it.. but sure take pleasure in the participation of seeking the perfection of it.. I mean.. Well its a guy thing.. Lets not go there.. :-)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks guys :( On my grandad thing. Am getting very sad.

As for Dr 90210, yuck god yuck - sorry you had to see that with your in-law Mickey!