i should've been a swabber

Was almost out the door to go and razzle it up at FTV, then thought better of it and realised I haven’t had a night in front of my TV for months.

I have been neglecting my TV. It needed my attention. I’m starting to wonder why I have dsTV at all.

So settled in with an anti-aging collagen mask, chili Lindt and the Crime Channel.

The thing with the Crime & Investigation Channel is that you finish watching a documentary and simultaneously shit yourself.

Suddenly I whack closed my cupboard doors when I walk into my bedroom blindly, thinking that something is going to jump out in a fucken ski mask.

Then I start wondering if I should be watching this with my balcony door open.

Last night’s documentary involved the California Night Stalker. The voice over dude certainly had a dangerously husky voice, and you know it’s gonna be a goodie when he’ starts off with, In 1976…..terror reined…throughout a middle class….suburb…of Sacramento California.

Then there are those re-enacted scenes, and interviews with people who look about 100 years old, and all the while the voice over dude is crooning, ‘………..FBI Agent Bob Hernandez….would lie awake….piecing each segment of the puzzle together…..until one day…he found a clue…..and it lay on the banks of the Rancho Cordosa…..river.

Then I realized I never considered being a private investigator as a career option. Never crossed my mind, and frankly it should’ve. I want to be a private investigator.

Well, it would’ve been a nice option. Taking swabs at crime scenes, analysing shit to death, [I’m VERY good at doing that], and sending it off to the labs for analysis. I think I would've rocked at it, frankly.

The thing with this documentary is it ended without them solving the crime. Back in the 80s, they didn’t have CCTV cameras, the Internet, impressive swabbing chemicals.

So they never got this dude. Who was a bit of a shit, turns out. Was criminally insane and fucked in the head, more specifically.
So at the end of the show the voice over dude shows a rough sketch of the suspect with a tagline: If anyone…has any information…on the Night Stalker….please dial 1800-555-555 now.

Unsolved.

……………………………….

Had a mini-panic attack and had to listen to The Corrs after that, so that I’d think of violins and fluffy bunnies instead.