Monday, September 21, 2009

barbie was a bitch who never worked

Christ. Wake up to one of those ‘Oh dear God, what happened last night?’ scenarios this weekend.

That hasn’t happened in a while.

Evidence pointed towards the Barbie paraphernalia strewn about my shag rug.


We went to a Barbie party – 50th anniversary of Mattel’s longest legged toy – the party was whoreganised by a friend of mine, so us girls who went got VIP passes and went clubbing. There was pink everywhere. And the cocktails were cold.

I haven’t been to a club in fucking months.

After some due dance floor antics, tried to walk out with the life-sized polystyrene Barbie propped up on the bar.

Someone recognised that I was the Mushy Peas author (seriously?) and instead of the Barbie, I got a Barbie press pack, which is great – since I couldn’t flash any tit under my destination t-shirt for that – so I was rather flattered to say the least.

On destination t-shirts.

I’ve decided because I’m battling to cope with my incessant travelling itch – seriously it’s the gonorrhea of itches – and since I collect t-shirts from the random locations I visit, I might as well use them for something.

The way I see it – wearing a tourist shirt during the day is lame.
Wearing one to a nightclub is hot.

In an uber-cheesy tourist destination shirt – you can be pimping all over the world. Like the song says.

Even if you don’t fit into any sort of acceptable dress code. Do you think my cousin will be pissed if I wear my I Did It In Dublin one to her wedding?

So now I’m at Melrose Arch. Wrong location to be wearing an I Heart Berlin shirt – amongst the micro-skirts and blonde hair – but whatever, don’t care – give me that fucking life sized Barbie cut out, because it’ll look amazing in my lounge.

I had smashed a few Jaegers with the girls prior, so my personal rationality wasn’t at its all time best.

So just when the big CEO of Mattel woman sidled up to me to ask what I was doing prying Barbie off the bar counter, one of my very sweet celebrity friends stepped in.
Suddenly they took my number and acted interested, hilarious.

And now they’re gonna call. And deliver me 1 x polystyrene Barbie for my house. It’ll look great next to the TV. Thanks to my friend and her clever negotiation skills at 2:00am – I love you, you know who you are. You looked smashing, by the way.

My friends and I broke an egg on the dance floor like the good old days – except that I needed to take my heels off from the sheer strain. Luckily this was a venue devoid of vomit and glass, so as someone who battles to cut shapes in stiletto’s anymore, I was thankful for the cleanliless of the dance floor. For a change.

Caught up with a lot of friends this weekend. Like Dove (who is off to Nepal for a month to teach the monks English); Poen (who leaves again soon), and E (who is back forever! Yippee!) and the brothers that I now visit every weekend.

We all hung around in a hungover stupor devouring Chicken McNuggets and Kath & Kim.


One of my colleagues has just left, so having a good thrash this weekend to override the stress and angst about to come, was apt.

My workload, from today, has just doubled. And it's a pretty swampy workload as it is.

I fly to Italy on Wednesday. Maybe I won't have the nervous breakdown this week. The preparations for that have been arduous – I’ll explain tomorrow. That deserves a post of its own.


All Hail said...

Ha ha ha

Peas, it was me! I confess, The I ♥ Berlin Shirt was a giveaway.

And yes, schleb friend did look smashing, wow.

Nice to meet you by the by. ;)

Did you happen to see that trannie on the rotating stage at the beginning of the festivities? And did you taste the strawberry cheesecake in VIP?

tyrone said...

Hmmm... Could have been a Peas-On-Toast club get together.

The trannie was HYSTERICAL. And so much of loving that limelight! Did you see her boyfriend or the guy that wanted to be her boyfriend cheering her on?

DelBoy said...

Good to hear that you had a quiet weekend like the rest of us common people.

You packed for Italy yet?

Peas on Toast said...

All Hail - was so good to meet you too! Even at 2pm, four Jaegies down and demanding the bloody 6 ft Barbie ;)

I didn't see the tranny, but I DID taste the cheesecake :)

tyrone - you were there too? And you didn't come and say hi?! ;)

Dammit where was I during the tranny show??

DelBoy - yeah makes a bit of a change from my otherwise loserish life ;)
Have packed! Am getting so excited I'm having difficulties sleeping!

Revolving Credit said...

You should have asked them for a life size Ken doll, although it may be a bit useless as it doesn't quite come equipped.

You could however position both Barbie and Ken in the lounge in various compromising positions.

tyrone said...

Well it was after 2 and wou were heading for the door i think. By the time I would have caught up to you, you would have been halfway down the boulevard. And I was already quite hammered so would probably have fallen on my face if I tried to run.

And it was only a side profile and then watching you leave - nice leave by the way.. ;)

getaway said...

I agree with the title - that bitch has everything

should move to jozi - jozians have all the fun :)

tyrone said...

And did anyone see that blonde rocket with the hectic top being held up by her boobs?


All Hail said...

Don't you worry, I was all tequilsh-ed, vodka-passion-water-ed and new Brutal Fruit crap ish-ed out at the time.

Good Gawd...that trannie had better legs than Heidi Klum. Cheesecake made me happy - friend had to pry me from that eats table.

Rev - all the handsome Ken's were gay. 'Nuf said.

Tyrone - what was she wearing?

Peas on Toast said...

Rev - God that would've been good - cos I mean Brabie is going on my balcony (she's rain proof), having Ken up there, I could've made them do compromising positions AND made them look like the King and Queen waving down at the commoners below...

tyrone - oh bless! Nice leave...I wonder what that looked like, don't remember it awfully well...
Didn't see the blonde?! hahaha

getaway - jozi can be fun, definitely. Although I wouldn't mind a change myself...

tyrone said...

Peas - your leave would be your ass, clown! Thinking back I think I may have seen your group dancing (HECTIC, BIG, EXTRAVAGANT hand and arm movements??) but didn't realise you were in the middle! ;)

All Hail - Um, I don't have the foggiest what you'd call it but basically it was open in the front so you could see her chest and she'd have had to use that tape stuff to stick it onto the inside of her breasts. THe open part went down to around her sternum.

It was a nice top.

She was nice also. :)