Friday, October 09, 2009

and I'm meant to do this every 5 weeks

Conversation between highly strung irate wuss who can't handle pain or poens, and the lady who usually does her facials...and is now doing her poen.:

Peas: ‘Dude. I’m scared. Dude. Is this going to hurt god I’m scared is this going to hurt is this going to hurt.’

Waxing Poen Lady: ‘Yes. It will.’

Peas: Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Sorry, can I swear in a beauty salon? OK I’m swearing in a beauty salon. Sorry. But I can’t help myself. Fuck.

Poen Waxer: So…how is everything?

Peas: Great. Is this going to kill me? I’m so nervous I could die. Help me. Do you have anything to anaethetise me?

Poen Waxer: No. However I will try to distract you. Open you legs and relax.

Peas: Holy mother of fuck.

Poen Waxer: Don’t stress. I have a woman who comes in her for a Brazilian and she freaks out every time. That’s why I booked this sealed, soundproof room for you. I had a feeling you’d be the same.

Peas: Well I’m going to scream something chronic.

Poen Waxer: [dabbing wax on the vibe] So..Italy? Amazing?

Peas: You’re putting freshly hot wax on my nethers, Jesus Christ help me.

Poen Waxer: Breathe like you’re in labour.

Breathe like you’re in labour? Hello, is that not the rub? Is that not where you go Bye! What the FUCK am I doing this for?

Peas: Oh God you’re about to rip that bad boy off, aren’t you.

Poen Waxer: [Rips].



Poen Waxer: So…tell me about Italy.


Poen Waxer: [Rips]

Peas: Fuck. Me. Gently. owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

And so it went.

And yet it was about 1000 times better than when I did it myself. Thousands. From now on, it’s professional or bust. Just saying. She did an excellent job, despite my obscenities and panic attacks.

Needless to say, the smoothness of being smooth and relatively alive, is very nice.

Ant came over immediately afterwards for some Cinzano (carted those bad boys back from Rome. Cunning. Yet ridiculous.)

And devoured Ant’s wine called ‘The Dark Side.’ It was actually called that. Hilarious.

We got pissed on my couch and talked shit.

I love my little Ant. And I forgot even about my poen area.


The Chantal said...

heh heh you're alive! :P

Is the part about the soundproof room true? lol it's a good idea so as to not scare off other customers :)

Enjoy your weekend, when you leaving for the UK?

Peas on Toast said...

Totals dude. She did the waxing in this sealed off room. So as not to disturb the others - teehee :)

Off on Tuesday. :)

Nessers said...

and don't you just love the smooth feel - you will get used to it (the pain I mean) and just keep going back grin

Peas on Toast said...

Nessers - it rocks! Smooth as a baby's backside :)

MamaMeeA said...

Glad you survived and are pleased with the results - Professional really kicks DIY's arse, no?
And don't worry - it does get better, especially if you stick to your regular 5 - 6 week intervals.

Peas on Toast said...

Mama - seriosuly the pain was so much less than when I tried it myself. I'll never torture myself like that again. And you're right if I keep it a monthly ritual, it should get much easier.

And now that I've done it, I'm not so poen shy anymore. Woohoo!

Ruby said...

Haha! Love the picture!! It says *WINCE!!*

I went for a bikini line a long time ago... Which I though was probably the most painful area... Then I too, in my stupidity, tried to do it at home... Eina!!!

The pros do a way better job :)

Glad you survived... Haha!

Peas on Toast said...

Ruby - yeah honestly Ruby, the home job manifesto I think is about as bad as giving home birth without a maternity nurse around.


I don't know how people do it, I really don't.

SheBee said...

babe, why are you not veeting your guava? It's what I do. And there's no pain, I can sit back with a book and chill for five minutes and then rinse it off using a sponge and warm water. Followed by a bubble bath of monstrosity, its a win.

SheBee said...

CRAP. Forgot to click on comment follow-up email.

Am on chapter 4 of your book - SO IN LUSTY NONLESBIAN LOVE WITH YOU!

Peas on Toast said...

Sheebs - babe, why are you not veeting your guava?

God that sounds bad :) I used to do this, that's what I've been doign my whole life. But to be frank, it's a luss and it doesn't last helluva long.

So I thought I'd give this method a try, and thankfully, I'm still alive. :)

So glad you're enjoy my book and are love with me. HAHAHA jokes :)

Mini said...


I share your pain.Been for a chest wax myself.I was literally crying

Revolving Credit said...

..I will try to distract you. Open you legs and relax.

I should try that one..don't have a sound proof room though!

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