Friday, October 09, 2009
and I'm meant to do this every 5 weeks
Conversation between highly strung irate wuss who can't handle pain or poens, and the lady who usually does her facials...and is now doing her poen.:
Peas: ‘Dude. I’m scared. Dude. Is this going to hurt god I’m scared is this going to hurt is this going to hurt.’
Waxing Poen Lady: ‘Yes. It will.’
Peas: Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Sorry, can I swear in a beauty salon? OK I’m swearing in a beauty salon. Sorry. But I can’t help myself. Fuck.
Poen Waxer: So…how is everything?
Peas: Great. Is this going to kill me? I’m so nervous I could die. Help me. Do you have anything to anaethetise me?
Poen Waxer: No. However I will try to distract you. Open you legs and relax.
Peas: Holy mother of fuck.
Poen Waxer: Don’t stress. I have a woman who comes in her for a Brazilian and she freaks out every time. That’s why I booked this sealed, soundproof room for you. I had a feeling you’d be the same.
Peas: Well I’m going to scream something chronic.
Poen Waxer: [dabbing wax on the vibe] So..Italy? Amazing?
Peas: You’re putting freshly hot wax on my nethers, Jesus Christ help me.
Poen Waxer: Breathe like you’re in labour.
Breathe like you’re in labour? Hello, is that not the rub? Is that not where you go Bye! What the FUCK am I doing this for?
Peas: Oh God you’re about to rip that bad boy off, aren’t you.
Poen Waxer: [Rips].
Peas: HOLY, MUTHA. OF. HAIR. God!
Poen Waxer: So…tell me about Italy.
Peas: EEEEEEEEEEEEE THE PAIN! THE PAIN!
Poen Waxer: [Rips]
Peas: Fuck. Me. Gently. owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
And so it went.
And yet it was about 1000 times better than when I did it myself. Thousands. From now on, it’s professional or bust. Just saying. She did an excellent job, despite my obscenities and panic attacks.
Needless to say, the smoothness of being smooth and relatively alive, is very nice.
Ant came over immediately afterwards for some Cinzano (carted those bad boys back from Rome. Cunning. Yet ridiculous.)
And devoured Ant’s wine called ‘The Dark Side.’ It was actually called that. Hilarious.
We got pissed on my couch and talked shit.
I love my little Ant. And I forgot even about my poen area.