Thursday, October 08, 2009

wors & manning up

I usually get terribly excited when I go to London – it really is one of my favourite cities, even when it rains – but this time I’m so excited it’s bordering on the ridiculous.

As well as getting to see my my great group of friends there, I also get to see a special person. And oh, take the tube to work for enough days before it becomes a pontificating ball ache.

And buy a new Lush bar. For my bath time extravangas.
And go to Top Shop.
And go Chav Spotting.

Also – win! – I’ll see Poen. I am so excited to see her, she’s studying there for 18 months (now after her Kenya stint), and we’ll be able to paint the place a heinous shade of scarlet red. London with Poen around is going to be rather fucken fun.

London with someone special is also going to be wonderful; especially after the incredible trip that was had in Italy.

And seeing some of my other crazy mates for a usual razzle is always hysterical.

But now before that, I’ve decided to man the fuck up and go professional on the poen vibe.

I’m going for a nethers wax this evening.

That’s today. After work. Ant’s coming round afterwards for a [strong and aneathetising] drink. How am I going to cope? That beauty salon is going to be reverberating at the walls, as my screams rip through concrete. Crisis.

Quick: is it true? A cuppa coffee beforehand and two Myprodols numb the follicle pain?
What does?
Can I ask for a general aneasthetic?
What about a local?
I’m such a pussy muppet when it comes to pain.

And there’s being Poen Shy. Do I just whip my doondies aside?

OK. Panic stations, I’m going to do it.

PS: The Dove sent this to me yesterday. Holy mother of Dickens, what the devil is this? I’ll tell you what this is, on close – and nauseatingly difficult – inspection – My Eyes! - it’s a wors/pap combo sausage.

That’s pap attached to its worsy counterpart.

Now selling at Pick ‘n Pay. I dunno about you, but I just lost my lunch. Even asked the cleaner if she’d eat this and I got a ‘Eish no man.’

The skin of the sausage is stretched over the pap. I imagine, to keep it in tact on a grill:

‘Try me I’m new!’


The Chantal said...

That's the most unappetising looking sausage ever! It looks pure fat, and wouldnt the pap be dried out by the time the sausage part is cooked, its a stupid novelty sausage, or maybe it works, who knows! Go buy a pack and let us know :P

So in which country does this guy live? gosh another overseas rendevous but in a diff country, what an exciting international romance heh heh.

Good luck with the wax, I've never waxed and probably never will, wonder if you'll go back after the first time :) I've had laser down there, it isn't so bad, you should try it. Lol can't wait to read about it tomorrow!

Peas on Toast said...

Chan - I thought it was fat too - it's pap, and frankly it's so ghideous looking I was in hysterics looking at this yesterday. Shocking eh?

He lives in the UK. :)

Terrified for the wax, am already sweating just thinking about it. I am going to do laser after I get back. I am shitting myself over here.

Mini said...

Daily telegraph headlines next week reads as follows.....


Nessers said...

She leaves the room while you strip down and you get on the bed UNDER a towel *g*. she will at some point need to to spread em but by them you don't care lol. The first strip hurts the most and then your endorphins kick in and the rest is just sore as opposed to f'ing sore - good luck you will love the feel after and never go back to anything else

zuzula said...

hurray! look forward to catching up :) x

Peas on Toast said...

Mini - and there you go! You should be a journo ;) haha

Nessers - crisis. I broke into a sweat just reading that. EEEK!

Zuzu - sooo excited to see you too! Will email you later and schedule some wine time :)

tyrone said...

DUDE you're braving the professional poen treatment... You must be seriously liking this boy!

Charmskool said...

I think that the evil disgusting looking wors with pap attached will never catch on in Cape Town. I have never eaten pap at a braai in Cape Town - ever! As for the nether wax - just act tough and keep a big man size tissue nearby for wiping the tears away. Only joking I do it all the time and it's not that sore. My waxing lady just moves the doondies out the way as, when and where she needs to. No embarassment or anything but wear a very stretchy thong. Just saying....

mEeLa said...

I went to the waxy lady this weekend and the lady put some "pre-calming serum" on first - before this invention I always felt that waxing prepares women for childbirth, but with that stuff it felt more like an awkward slap fight... hope your person has that stuff!

DelBoy said...

All this waxing talk is making me a bit nervous about commenting...

Anyways, while in London please pop into my old pub. It's had a face lift and I want to know what its really like: The Elgin, Notting Hill
Old pub -
New pub -

If you get a chance that is...