Monday, November 02, 2009

dear god


On Saturday morning, I found myself, standing, blinking, in the middle of fucking Lighting Warehouse.

A couche-marre, if you will.

Shopping in ‘valu-marts’ and supermarkety places even on any other day of the week is on my list of Worst Possible Things Humans Do To Themselves. For one, people tend to shop on Saturday mornings with their entire families.

It’s an entire family outing on the outer echelons of town. Where most of these warehouse retailing facilities, seem to spawn in a plethora of depot-titaniumness, and entire families rock up in the family Avensis. Together, seeking, wholesale chlorine and/or velour lounge suites.

If you’re one of these people – please tell me why. Just why.

It’s bad enough going to a supermarket at lunchtime – queues and someone’s ALWAYS standing in front of the shelf you need to get to when you’re in a rush – but why the family outings to Weylandts and Checkers Home Store? It’s both fascinating and horrendous at the same time.

Entire families shopping for a vacuum cleaner and a set of pool noodles at Makro. I’ve seen it all too many times. Dad’s wearing two tone and pushing the trolley at 0.02 km/hour, and Mom’s blocking the aisle with her large backside, while the kids run around screaming, on too much sugar.

That’s not how Saturday mornings should be spent.

‘Cept, since I’ve been away, all my light bulbs blew. Well most of them. Can’t pee at night, because it’s too scary in the dark. There’s no more mood lighting in my bedroom. And need a torch to go through the cupboards in my kitchen.

I’m depressed, but not enough that I’m prepared to live without light.

So off to Fourways I go, with a bag of defunct light bulbs.

Seems my house is filled with weird lighting. I went through a stage of buying intricate standing lights for my house last year. The bulbs, evidentally, take one-of-a-kind- prototypical crazy-rare light bulbs. Didn't think it through at the time. On top of that, my landlady also fitted lights in the house that require you take apart 8 finicky bulbs while standing tip toe on a chair, whilst wielding imported light bulbs from Romania, or the likes.

So I can’t go to Woollies, no. I have to go to some dog’s end warehouse that specializes and stocks 2 000 000 types of lighting systems, replete with families and slow service.

I spent six hundred rand. On lighting. On a Saturday morning.

Fuck that for a bag of cashews.

Spent another hour or so fitting the new bulbs into the various teeny sockets that these lights behold – and now, and now – I can actually see shit in my house.

I gotta say: the menial meaningless of buying lights and shoving them into their respective sockets… felt pretty good.

Dear God.


Nessers said...

I am with you on the shopping thing - I hate it that much that I go shopping once in a blu moon and really only go when kids nag tht there is no food in the house and seeing as how the authorities frown on parents who don't feed their kids I am forced to go - I am in and out the shop in under an hour and then need to drink wine for the remainder of the weekend to recover. R6900 ON BULBS - BIG OUCH

Peas on Toast said...

Not R6900!! R600! :) I would rather sit in the dark/and or get paraffin lamps than THAT price tag - eeeeeek!

But yeah, shopping in grocery zones/wholesale zones/home depot places is bound to turn me into a psycho bitch in 2 seconds. Glad you can relate! :)

MamaMeeA said...

why, Peas:

Because weekends are pretty much the only free time families have in which to do their shopping and leaving small kids alone at home is not an option. And friends and other family members usually also have a crap load of stuff to do on weekends or at month-end, so babysitters are in short supply.

We try to limit these family "outings" (and trust me, they are faaaar more painful for us than they are for you!!!) to once a month, but every so often, we simply don't have a choice.

So forgive us if our spawn offend your sensibilities. We're trying hard as fuck to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible, for your sake as well as our own.

Peas on Toast said...

Ah thanks MamaMeeA, that's a plausible, if not super logical reasoning that I perhaps should've extended beyond myself to begin with...
I'm sorry :(

MamaMeeA said...

Seriously - My mom works herself half to death during the week and literally only has weekends to recuperate.
My in-laws think i'm the spawn of satan, so asking them for anything is a huge issue. Also, they're the same age as my grandparents...
My best friend moved to Dubai a year ago (partially my fault, since i hired her for that company, but that's another story)...
Our other friends mostly have their own kids to care for and/or manage on their family shopping trips and, since we're spending money on pool noodles and sweets to shut the little bastards up for 5 minutes, as well as trying to keep them all clothed & fed, paying for a sitter is something we generally tend to do for occasions like our anniversary or maybe a birthday every other year.

I do understand your frustration, though. I can only handle so much of the noise, the crappy aisle discipline and bad trolley driving (keep left, idiot, and don't stop in the middle of the fucking aisle, please!!!).... Throw in the fighting/crying/screaming/bouncing-off-the-walls/nagging kids and I generally need a holiday after the big monthly shop.

They do grow up eventually, though, which is something... ;-P

Peas on Toast said...

Mamam - funny, you mirrored my thoughts this weekend. Was sitting on my couch watching telly with a glass of wine - in pure beautiful silence - and went down that shirky road of 'I THINK I want children, but really DO I?'

And the paragraph you just wrote, about not having any time for yourself, running around chicldren, the added expense etc etc....I was like 'hmmm.....I really don't think so.'
Especially since the chances are I'll be a single mother who has either adopted/had in vitro - and would have to work a full-time job as well as care for them.

So, yes, it's a huge reality check - and thanks for reminding me! On them growing up - TEENAGERS SCARE ME MORE THAN ANYTHING! ;)

MamaMeeA said...

Oh, crap yes! I'm shitting my pants for when mine hit their teens!!
Two words: Boarding School!! lol

Nessers said...

do not joke MamaMeeA - best decision I ever made was to send my kids to boarding school - the marks get so much better and I as a single mum have a life again *g*

Peas on Toast said...

That festering teenage angst - good luck guys!