pub carpets

Am back, and the first thing I have to say is this:

I have swine flu. I've had it for almost three weeks now. Maybe because I've been travelling, but this pig flu has been sitting with me for too long. When I sneezed in Mexico in the train, people would disperse rather quickly and growl at me.

I also smacked some coral when snorkelling, and as a result, have this thing growing on my knee. I won't be suprised if a fan coral sprouts within the next few days. I'm riddled with tropical third world ailments. It's shweet.

I have a lot of things to organise over the next two months. Lots.
I'm pining like a bitch, good thing I'll be busy.

The second: if there is one thing I noticed about Brit pubs is this: they all have the same carpets. And they are always extended into the lavatory area.

I went to a few different pubs – as one does in the snow and ice – and noticed a startling resemblance in carpet choice. All pub carpets have three things in common:
1) They have eye swirling patterns, usually in red undertones
2) They’ve been there since the 50s
3) They carry on rolling into the bogs

Imagine the detritus on these bad boys. Take a sample of any one of these carpets and send it to the lab, please someone do it.

I mean:

The Bulldog’s Head:

The Queen & Ploughman:

The Queen’s Head:

The Duke & Plonker:

Lord Archer’s Fist: (Maybe not, but it was close, I assure you)


Speaking of cliché’s: last night, on my flight home, and wondering when the deep vein thrombosis would set in, I sat on the runway for 4 hours. Because of icy snowy weather. And because the French were striking.

No really. They had to de-ice the plane with a massive water blaster before we could take off, and then were informed the French air traffic team were on strike, so we couldn’t fly across French air space.

After 4 hours, the captain announced we had to fly around France. Seriously, the flight path on the screen looked a little like this:


I am trying to reflect on a simply amazing and hilarious experience I’ve just had with him in Mexico and the Ukes, and it’s really hard to. Simply because there’s so much and we did, saw and had a helluva time. I don’t even know where to start, or even if to.