Thursday, January 28, 2010

two things


Adorable. Sigh

Two things I never thought I’d say:

1) I’ve hired a solicitor.
2) I’m meeting Richard Hammond on Saturday night.

The first one is the reason for all my jizzbagging down-in-the-dumps crappy somnambulant Will-I-Ever-Be-Normal-Again depressed goings on.

I’ve, over the last two weeks, hired a UK immigration lawyer to assist me with some rather tedious, constricting appeals in lieu of the House of Commons. With regards to my ancestry. And read up on every Act, Bill, case study & litigation document there is to be read about immigration and the UK.

All I need to do is the bar exam and I should be set to partner in Webber Wentzel & Bowens.

Holy fuck, has 2010 been a kick in the old ovaries thus far.

I was going to donate my kidneys to science once I kicked the bucket, but it would seem that I may need to give them to the lawyer when I run out of funds.

So maybe I’ll get to live there one day, maybe I won’t.

But I will be a helluva lot less fundworthy afterwards, if there’s one thing for sure.

In the meantime, and with a lining so silver you could brush your teeth with it, I’m meeting fucking Hammond on Saturday night.

Well blow me like a flute. Seriously, Hammond in Cape Town, and me standing right next to him. If you could GPS this, we’d be two little red dots bleeping together at Grand West Casino on your Garmin.

Carmageddon alive. The Top Gear team will be setting cars alight, playing car footie, teasing the Stig – Christ I’m excited.

British car comedy at it’s very best.

So if you’ve already got a ticket, or are still planning on getting one – what the fuck are you waiting for? For the Kia Picanto to be cool?

(Which, evidentally, is what I was driving around Durban yesterday for work – and schvitzing like a schwein sans air-con, in the most humid city in South Africa), go to Computicket now!

Just a few questions, because I’m out of practice.

Could I say any one of the following to Hammond without looking like I’m completely unhinged?

1) I really love you, but I am in love with another British chap a little bit more, please don’t be neggie.
2) Here. Read my fan letters. Call me.
3) Tell me, does my car actually need an undercarriage or is it fine that it’s still stuffed in the boot?
4) One of my Irish mates met you. You guys drank vodka and Red Bull together. I also drink vodka and Red Bull.
5) You’re hot. This is my Dad.

(Dad, will, in fact, be coming with me. Wonder what the dickens he will say to Hammond. Could be a make-or-break situation. “D’you know anything about planes? Don’t care much for cars.”)

Back to my litigating hole until Saturday. When I get to dress up and look pretty.

12 comments:

Secret said...

I am in fact going to the Sunday morning show, and well let me tell you, I can hardly contain myself. Im going to meet two of my fave people in the world ever. Omg. I think it actually just dawned on me. I think Im going to faint.

As for the emitrating story - I am planning such a move next year. I can get a ancestral visa from my grandad, so Im beginning to tackles all the procedures now...how painstaking...and tedious...sigh.

Peas on Toast said...

Secret - have fun at the show :)
As for the ancestral visa, tedious and shitty I agree - but HALF the admin I have to go through to PROVE mine first, before I apply. (Through my grandmother.)

A lot of it is just collecting all the necessary docs. Birth certificates, marriage certificates, bank statements, etc etc.

Spear The Almighty said...

Nope, you should say, "Ravish me young man, I promise not to blog about it."

Peas on Toast said...

Spear - you're hired. Now that's the sort of question advice that's worth paying for.*

* I'd pay you, of course, if I had any available funds left after paying the lawyer.

cassey said...

I vote for option 1. Have fun at the show :)

Peas on Toast said...

Thanks Cassey! Hey 1) is the truth :)

Thunder said...

OMG Peas I just collected my lovely two tickets for Saturday which I won thanks to you!!!
I'm so fucking excited i think the guy i collected them from thought i was smoking my own damn running socks... Stoked!!!

as for the immigration lawyers i feel your pain, been there done that spent my money and he ran away...

as for conversation with the hamster...honesty is the best policy...and tell you love Porsche's, he'll be all yours :)

Peas on Toast said...

Thunder - wa wa wa WAIT.
as for the immigration lawyers i feel your pain, been there done that spent my money and he ran away...


Please explain - what happened in your case? What were you appealing for? Why did your lawyer 'run away?'

PS: Enjoy the show!! :) But tell me what happened to your FIRST!! ;)

Thunder said...

ok maybe a little miss communication there on my part...

I was going through the immigration process to move to the US with my long term (now ex) boyfriend, but refused to marry him just for a green card, enter immigration lawyer, so we explored all options and got the ball rolling.

at the time my Ex was based overseas and as it got closer to reality of me coming state side he just disappeared. found out later he had gone back to the US without telling me... effectively ran away like a little coward.

but My story is not everyone's story and i have many friends who have had great success in their immigration processes
And I'm sure you will too Peas, its just a long winding road sometimes :)

Peas on Toast said...

Ah hectic, Thunder sorry to hear that man. I'm not sure which country is more difficult immigration-wise, the UK or US.

I don't have high expectations, but am hoping for the best anyway, and working hard at it.

Thunder said...

they both have their own speed bumps, but holing thumbs for you... I'm sure you will succeed :)

cestlavietlb said...

Note to Peas: Don't drool. Otherwise, you should be fine!

In about 1 week and 4.5hours, we'll be at the Jhb show (takes entirely to you; you wonderful, wonderful person!). Sadly though, we get May, not Hammond... *le sigh* can't have everything I suppose!