happy st paddy's day

St Paddy's Day over in Emerald Isle. Where all my colleagues there are undoubtedly getting malaidedly farked on the black stuff, whilst wearing shocking shades of green.

God I could do with a Guinness. And I'll bloody well go 'down the pub' soon as this day's over.

Poen, Brit and I went out for a few drinks last night on the embankment, and had a proper giggle about the Nation Of Freaks. Sounds derogatory, but that's the charm about this place. You can sit in one spot pretty much all day, and see one spectrum of the human species vying against another.

Things witnessed in this town that either I've seen, or a friend has seen, thus far:

My aunt was sitting in a tube. And a dude got in, wearing a blazer. Hiked up the sleeves, pulled out an industrial-sized bottle of Marmite. Started scooping out said Marmite with entirety of hand and whacking it, dripping, into his mouth. Full on.

Poen saw a granny going hammer and tongs down the embankment walkway, in a wheelchair, at speeds that made the entire chair wobble, while using ski poles.

While walking in Hyde Park over the weekend, the Brit and I saw this very camp guy applying gloss to his lips, while staring at a mirror at the same time. He was pouting and pulling kissy faces at himself, while.....sporting the biggest boner you've ever seen. Basically was getting turned on by his own image. In public.

I saw a bunch of school boys on a tube, on the last trip I think, run on and one telling his mate, 'Jack got sent home today because he slapped a teacher.'
Nice.

We saw this old geezer at Portobello Market the other day, balding head, zero teeth, silk scarf around his neck and tattoos everywhere, sucking on a cigar the size of a pork banger. While drinking a beer and ogling at the centrefold of The Sun, with his dog sitting perched on his shoulders like a parrot.

It was just kind of balancing there, even when he got up to walk. Causing quite a spectacle. Asked if I could take his photo, to which: 'You can do anyfing you like sweetheart,' without even looking up.

And going down the pub tonight for some Guinness and Irish banter, have no doubt there'll be tons for eyes to see. Drunk or otherwise.