Monday, June 07, 2010


So while Dad is camping out on my lounge floor using the inflatable mattress, I'm starting to feel the fever of the soccer. It's osmotic, and I'm keen to go and buy some ridiculous looking fan gear now, as a last patriotic salute to my country before I head out of here.

Got stuck in a traffic jam in Parkhurst yesterday, because I was following the Brazilian team down 4th Avenue. They kind of loitered their cars outside Espresso, and then decided - perhaps on seeing the sea of blonde - that they'd stop in for some breakfast.

Have a game booked for my Brit and I. We're going to the Ghana Germany match at Soccer city with Dove and her dude, and were making plans yesterday:

Dove: It's 7pm at night and someone has been blowing a vuvuzela outside on the street for the last 4 hours.

Peas: I think, in the world of most irritating instruments, it goes something like this:
In third place, we have the didgeridoo. New Zealand's Maori instrument, when played for hours on end, begins to get a touch irritating. Sliding in at second place, we have the bagpipes. Assault for the ears, any way you hear it. And in first place, without any hot contention, we have the vuvuzela. Which speaks for itself.

Dove: Did you make that up, or is there a website that says 3) didgeridoo, 2) bagpipes, 1) vuvuzela?

Peas: I am willing to bet that there is a website out there that mirrors my thoughts exactly.

Dove: At the game there are going to be 8000 vuvuzelas being blown at once. My sister reckons the only way to survive is to blow your own.

Peas: I'm going to wear earplugs. Because one of those in the eardrum is possibly the most unpleasant thing, next to a throbbing bunion, on the planet. And 8000 will kill me.

Dove: I'm taking my iPod and rocking out to Rammstein.

Peas: My poor Brit isn't going to know what hit him. In his barmy army soccer shirt.

I'm making an African survival pack for my Brit. It comes with a vuvuzela. And other local provisions so that he can fend off lion in the wild.

Peas: You ate boerewors the last time you were here hey?

Brit: Yeah. Bohre-worce, A.K.A sausage Peas. It's not crazy food like biltong.

Peas: So who are we going to support at this Ghana Germany match? We're going to look like a right bunch of twats, me in my French soccer shirt, and you in your English.

Brit: Hmmm. I'll support Ghana.

Peas: But I should probably support an African country.

Brit: I can't support the Germans Peas. I'm English.

PS: (Wikipedia) In early 2010 members of the Nazareth Baptist Church claimed that the vuvuzela belonged to their church, and threatened to pursue legal action to stop fans playing the vuvuzela at the World Cup.

Now that's funny.


Karen said...

Funny! WE are all going to be deaf after this!

Peas on Toast said...

Karen - I tell you what! Finally I have a use for the crap that airlines give me (sometimes.) I have a set of earplugs from Virgin Atlantic that I'll be wearing from Friday onwards to save my eardrums!

I’d Rather Be Drinking said...

Correction: the didgeridoo is actually the instrument of Australian Aboriginals. Bloody New Zealand.

Peas on Toast said...

Ooh serious!? I stand corrected then, Drinking.
I blame the Kiwi I met travelling once who reckoned the thing descended straight from his Maori ancestors.

So it's Ozzie then. Makes sense. Still loud; still irritating.

家谷 said...


blackhuff said...

There are so many people who hate the sound of a vuvuzela, so why not ban the thing? In defense of the other parties who do love it, they just want to show their support, but in my defense, there are so many other ways to show off your support. Can't wait for the Soccer to end because then you won't hear any vuvuzelas so often.