shivver me timbers

For 24 hours, I was going to be a pirate.

I am subscribed to a UK site that notifies me when a property is available for rent within my criteria. All I can do is look through a whole bunch of rented properties at the moment and organise a viewing for once I'm there.

Well. An email came through two nights ago with the title Barge on Thames for rent.

Oh my. Oh my oh my. Something went 'ping' within the eccentric recesses of my body and I immediately replied that I wanted to see it and know more.

Imagine! Imagine being able to live on a boat for 6 months.
Cue 60 years later, misty-eyed: 'I lived on a boat once.'

Grandchild: 'Oh, in the Caribbean?'

Me: 'No, in London.'

I hadn't considered that London actually uses it's river for residential purposes. I mean, the possibilities. I could row to the Tate Modern on a Saturday morning. I could be a career woman by day; a pirate by night.

The ad said something about having a wonderful deck on which I could make barbecues. I could host pirate parties on my wet deck!

I phoned all my parents, all three of them. For their input.
Dad: Are you sharing a cabin with other people? Won't you end up clawing each other's eyes out? Besides the winter's are going to be miserable on that water.

Mum: Interesting...you really are like your father sometimes.

Step-dad [German and therefore sensible]: Well...some sophisticated people even live on boats sometimes....I suppose.

Undeterred, I considered winter as a small con in a bagful of pro's.

I emailed the woman and asked her whether my boat would have central heating. The rest was selling itself - it was moored on the banks of Battersea, a stone's throw from my work, I could have braais on my deck, the Brit and I could do role-play in pirate negligee.
Would winter in this awesome line-up be that miserable on the water?

The truth is: yes it would. However this was not my thinking at the minute.

Until I got an email back that went:

I'll post some pictures later today Re heating - the boat is heated but it was utterly freezing this winter!
Also, be aware that it takes some maintenance to live aboard (fill the water tanks every day, kick the water pump occasionally, deal with quirky shower...), [Hang on...kick the water pump everyday?]
So boat-living is not for the over-worked!
I saw your posting, and just wanted to mention that we're really not close to any amenities - about 10 mins walk to the supermarket, one pub locally, but that's about it, so this may influence your decision.

This woman should've been Head of Sales in a big corporate.

Can't fault the bird for the brutal honesty, but all that for £700/month not including council tax? She has to be the guy from Don'tEvenReply.

Nevertheless, for 24 hours, I was going to be a pirate.

I ran the idea past Doc and Dove last night over a bottle of red. Everyone is of the belief I have been had.

I'm going to miss Dove and Doc so much. Dove is like a sister to me; we fight like sisters and we're the best of friends for the rest of the time. Doc will be posted in Paris from next year studying - how rad is that? - so he will be a two hour France journey away.

Nevertheless, it was crisis hour. Dove had a cry, I assured her we would arrange frequent trips to see each other, and the first is in September.

Thank fuck for Skype. On all accounts.