Thursday, September 02, 2010

tourist couture


So I buy a shirt at most destinations that I travel.

I haven't been to Pofadder [yet], but will aim to buy a wardrobe full of so-entitled Pofadder tat, including a fistful of fridge magnets (everyone in my family is a winner!), the coffee mug, the shirt, and the obligatory snow globe with 'I [heart] Pofadder' on the base.

For now though, I managed to find the above t-shirt ("Absolut Svensk") on the streets of Stockholm. I have a Berlin one too, which I wear to board meetings, Green Peace picketings, and for when I met the president.*

The thing with tourist shirts as that you have to be so careful.

Peas: Look! A Sweden shirt for only [mental calculation ensues]...er...R5000. No wait. Five pounds.

Brit: You should get the 'I love Swedish girls' one.

Peas: They don't have my size.

[pause]

Peas: I'm going to wear it with my power suit to work tomorrow.

Brit: No. You have it all wrong, princess.

Peas: And why is that?

Brit: You can't wear a tourist shirt the moment you return from a destination. It's too keen.

Peas: Can I wear it in Sweden then?

Brit: Definitely no, on all accounts.

Peas: I have to wear this thing, it taunts me. It says 'Wear me now, wear me now.'

Brit: No no. You need to wait at least three days until you wear it to work. It's the fine line between cool and 'she-hasn't-done-her-laundry-in-five-weeks-so-has-to-buy-tourist-tat-at-tourist-traps.'

Peas: Three whole days?!

Brit: If it were me, I'd wait three whole weeks. THEN you wear it. Then you might get a , 'Say, didn't you go there this year?' As opposed to, 'Dude, did you get your clothes stolen in Scandinavia?'

Peas: Oh right.

Brit: I know it's hard. You just have to exercise some discipline. Your street cred is counting on it.

It's been two days. I wore it to work today. With a pencil skirt. I know I have jumped the gun, but frankly, I'm feeling a bit flat.

Already, my Welsh colleague: Nice shirt.

Peas: [blushing with pride and joy] Wow! Thanks so much!

Welshman: Where'd you git it?

[pause]

Peas: er, Sweden.

Welshmen: I know. I can see that. I was being ironic.

My Brit is in San Francisco for another week, I had to say goodbye to Poen last night, and two weeks yesterday, I turn 30.

Fuck.

For Poen's last night in the Big English, we drank champagne and ate dim sum. It was Ladies Night, so we got everything half off.

Score.

*I met Hillary Clinton once. She was almost the president.
I have also met Nelson Mandela, but it doesn't really count because I wasn't wearing my Berlin shirt.

4 comments:

kyknoord said...

Firty? Don't worry about it. You still look way too young for me to date.

cassey said...

I had no idea there were rules for new t-shirts :-/ Happy almost birthday :)

Peas on Toast said...

kyk - oh my god, you truly are the best. Look at you, with all these lovely compliments - you make an old lady blush! ;)

cassey - neither did I. As if life isn't complicated enough, we now have Shirt Time Rules. Pah!

Steve said...

I've been to Poffadder. It's not as big as it sounds, and everything does run around the Hotel.

filling up at the garage the next morning, the jockey gives us a complimentary bumper sticker (which somehow I have lost):
"Pofadder - Die Stad van die toekoms"