Wednesday, March 30, 2011


If I'm going to ride a bike, I'm going to do it like people in Amsterdam do. The Dutch can smoke and make pancakes, but they also know how to ride a bike.

This is Dennis, my new modus operandi. Isn't he so devilishly handsome? I want to ride him, and I want to ride him hard. He has a basket, a bell (that literally goes 'ding dong!'), lights and a leather seat. I am so in love.

Goodbye winter flab, hello bum of rock, hard steel. I might've eaten all the pies this winter, but nobody's going to know that after my new integrated exercise regime. See, demarcating an hour out of my day to be a hamster on a sweaty wheel at the gym is my idea of Third Reich-like torture.

It's boring as fuck, it's not exactly motivating, it's minging and it's expensive.

This? Well, I avoid the crushing crowds at rush hour, I save on transport costs, I get a hard ass, I discover London's back streets and cycle lanes, there are only benefits having this bad boy. I can make it work with my day.

One of the appealing things about living in Europe is that I can ride a bike. Once I'd peddled 5 miles to work this morning I thought, "Why the dickens didn't I get a bike months ago? I cycled past Foot Commuters yesterday, wind in my hair, my nose streaming attractively, and decided that from now on, Dennis and I would be inseparable.

Walking is so ridiculously overrated. You have to lug shit around on foot, bump into stupid people on the pavements, and it's slow. Especially in heels.

Well not on my watch. My Pashley Brittania, in claret red, with basket, can carry my overnight bag and groceries, and if feeling extra eccentric, my two guinea pigs.

To be fair though, the ride to work was hairy. So many people ride to work here, and yet I saw a dude get nudged off his bike by a red bus. He teetered a while and then flat lined onto the pavement.

You are always conscious of the fact that you could die any second. People die a lot on the roads here. So I could die. I am living on the edge.

But thanks to Boris Johnson, the mayor of London, there are more cycling lanes than ever, and thanks to this chivalrous bike, I can ride to work in a polka dot blue dress and lady blazer, like I did today.

I am in heaven. It's almost like having a new Audi A3 coupe hatchback, but I don't have to pay congestion charges and it doesn't get stuck in traffic.


Secret said...


Peas on Toast said...

Secret - LIKE that you LIKE! :)

cassey said...

Awesome plan, and it seems like fun :)

Spear The Almighty said...

Enjoy! here in Abu Dhabi it is too hot to do exercise outdoors during summer. For fark sakes, people die from heat exhaustion when they go scuba diving. So I'm unfortunately on the hamster wheel in an air conditioned room. :(

Peas on Toast said...

Spear: "People die of heat exhaustion when they go scuba diving."

I know it's a concerning statistic, but that's a pretty darn funny statement :)

Flarkit said...

Peechas pleeeeszzz! Of lassie in polkadot dress on red bike, furiously twanging her bell!

vanillapetal said...

oh crisis i'm laughing! (and secretly wishing i could also ride a bike to work...) but of course, here in durban i think i'd be safer in a mini bus taxi! the more i read your blog the more i cannot wait to start reading your book- which arrived very timeously from (click click. ding dong.) this week. of course, i first need to finish miss marian keyes... great writing peas!