Friday, March 18, 2011
fangs & shit
Conversation at lunch:
Dude 1: Oh my God, a mate of mine in Sydney found a Funnel Web spider in his sink last night.
Peas: [Yawn] Yeah you guys don't have much poisonous stuff in England do you.
Dude 2: We don't have any poisonous stuff.
Peas: I was bitten by a Black Widow when I was 12.
Dude 1 & 2: Whaaaat?
Peas: Yeah, so funny story. I rolled on one in my bed, and it bit me about one inch above my.....klunge.
Dude 1: .....I thought you were going to say 'vagina.'
Dude 2: 'Ang on. What happened?
Peas: It blew up and i was in bed for a week, couldn't really move and was really ill.
Dude 1 & 2: Fuck. This is why I'm never leaving England.
Peas: Oh come on, there's got to be something here higher up on the food chain that can annihilate you?
Dude 1: [thinking] Well. The worst thing that's happened to me was....I was shat on by a seagull in Brighton once.
Dude 2: [just looks pale and stares at the wall]
Peas: I suppose you can go bush diving here, no problem. You can jump into a hedge of hawthorn risk-free, you know, without having fangs sunk into you filled with haemotoxic venom.
Dude 2: Can we never have this conversation again.
Peas: You alright?
Dude 2: Think I'm going to cancel my safari holiday.
Peas: You'll get mosquito nets, it's fine, promise.
Dude 2: No seriously, I'm panicking.
Brits are funny. And nerdy.