fangs & shit

Conversation at lunch:

Dude 1: Oh my God, a mate of mine in Sydney found a Funnel Web spider in his sink last night.

Peas: [Yawn] Yeah you guys don't have much poisonous stuff in England do you.

Dude 2: We don't have any poisonous stuff.

Peas: I was bitten by a Black Widow when I was 12.

Dude 1 & 2: Whaaaat?

Peas: Yeah, so funny story. I rolled on one in my bed, and it bit me about one inch above my.....klunge.

Dude 1: .....I thought you were going to say 'vagina.'

Dude 2: 'Ang on. What happened?

Peas: It blew up and i was in bed for a week, couldn't really move and was really ill.

[pause]

Dude 1 & 2: Fuck. This is why I'm never leaving England.

Peas: Oh come on, there's got to be something here higher up on the food chain that can annihilate you?

Dude 1: [thinking] Well. The worst thing that's happened to me was....I was shat on by a seagull in Brighton once.

Dude 2: [just looks pale and stares at the wall]

Peas: I suppose you can go bush diving here, no problem. You can jump into a hedge of hawthorn risk-free, you know, without having fangs sunk into you filled with haemotoxic venom.

Dude 2: Can we never have this conversation again.

Peas: You alright?

Dude 2: Think I'm going to cancel my safari holiday.

Peas: You'll get mosquito nets, it's fine, promise.

Dude 2: No seriously, I'm panicking.
................

Conclusion?
Brits are funny. And nerdy.