ten thousand exclamation marks

The Dove and I were having one of 'our' special little conversations last night. Over Skype and Facebook, as we are nowadays tend to do, since she lives over 10 000 miles away.

'Our' special little conversations are usually about things we only find funny. When I am doubled over on my bed, tears streaming from my eyes, in absolute hysterics, The Brit will say, "You've been speaking to Dove again, 'aven't you. Couple of little weirdo's you both are."

Because The Dove is in advertising, she'll tell me which campaign she's working on at the time.
Pure example, "Sta-Soft china. I have to create a 30 second TV ad for Sta-Soft, and client wants 18 pissing puppies pulling toilet rolls in it."

So in lieu of that subject matter, yesterday's conversation is a good example of why I miss and love Dove so much. (There's no one else in the world who'll humour me with this kind of talk. Not here, not at home, not in New Zealand.)

[Cut to the choppy world of Facebook]

Person: Are you happy with the line 'summer sale now on' for the retail campaign?

Dove: No, I think it needs 'The' and 'Is' to make it award-winning, so: "The Summer Sale Is Now On."

Person: That's a Loerie right there.

Another person: I don't know guys. People will need to know what to do with this information. I'm thinking something along the lines of "The Summer sale is on. Shop till you drop" We're 70% of the way there guys.

Dove: ‎"THE SUMMER SALE IS NOW ON!!! GREAT DEALS, MAJOR SAVINGS!!! SHOP TILL YOU DROP!!! DON'T MISS OUT!!!

Peas: Needs more exclamation marks. Call to action not strong enough.

Dove: ‎"THE SUMMER SALE IS NOW ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GREAT DEALS, MAJOR SAVINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SHOP TILL YOU DROP!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T COME TO THIS SALE, YOU WILL REGRET IT!!!!!!!! WE GUARANTEE IT!!!!!! BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS SO CHEAP!!!!!!!!!!"

Peas: What about pushing retail onto them. People love that stuff. "LIMITED OFFER ONLY!!!!!!!! BUY A CLUB CARD FOR ONLY R99.99 AND YOU COULD STAND A CHANCE TO WIN A HOLIDAY IN SCUNTHORPE-UPON-SEA!!!!!! THE PLACE YOU WANNA BE!!!!!!!! Disclaimer: terms and conditions apply, offer closes yesterday, doesn't include flights, accommodation, ablution facilities. Can cause dementia, rickets, Aspergers." Now that will get you the Loerie, dog.

Dove: Client has asked if we would mind removing "rickets". As a creative genius who has revolutionised the 'sale' strategy, do you have a strong argument to keep it?

Peas: Tell client to fuck off. OK OK. 'Ang on. We can change 'rickets' to 'Munchausen By Proxy'. If Client asks what that is, tell him for R99.99, OUR CLUB CARD WILL GIVE HIM ALL THE ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!! FREE!!!!! Disclaimer: 'Free' implies with payment.

Dove: He knew exactly what 'Munchausen By Proxy' is. His mother had it and he's suffered from the effects of over medicating, which is why he only has one ball, half a shoulder and a nervous twitch. He wants to cancel the sale and concentrate on their new line of sneakers.

Peas: Now sneakers we can do. Tell him: "Now you're talking. We wanted you to want us to do sneakers the whole time." Something like....Sneakers. Roll With Your Shit Off Safety. Or Sneakers. Because You Hafta.?