neuroses

I'm a living, breathing neurotic.

(Not a dead one. An alive one.)

"Neurotic:" According to my Welsh friend: "Continually pror-cessin', constantly think-in...orver-analyzin, orver worryin.."

(Can you understand Welsh?)

There have been times in my life where I've tried to downplay this, and even flat out deny it, but at the nice round age of 30, I've given up.

What do neurotics think about?

I don't know if I'm different from another neurotic. But I can give you a sample of some of the stuff that keeps me awake at night. This week, anyway.

Being neurotic about being neurotic
I know it's not going to help thinking about something over and over again if there's no solution in sight, so why am I doing it? Again, why am I still thinking of that same thing? Hello? Oh you're still there. Go away. Still thinking of it. FUCK. OFF.

What if I get cancer
It runs in my paternal family. I have had enough cigarettes in my life to warrant it. We live in a world full of free radicals. Our food is full of weird chemicals. Is our drinking water safe? Jesus, do I have cancer now and not even know it?

How will I get that wallpaper off the walls?
Lie in bed thinking of all the ways one can get wallpaper off. Not able to choose whether I hire a steamer or wash the walls with wallpaper glue solvent. Am stuck. Like the wallpaper. And why is this taking up so much processing power?

When my old flatmate used my personal computer to work on the other day, did I log out of Facebook?..Out of my mail?
I must've. After thinking about this for 6 hours, I check by retracing my steps. I did. OK. Great. Not that I have anything to hide.

Oh FUCK. I did log out of my email, but what was on my desktop?
Sweet baby cheeses. Pictures of my boob (taken as a joke on our Mexico holiday) and...oh sweet fuck in a fuchsia plantation....is that video on my desktop? The 'If I Was Famous I'd Be All Over Youporn.com' video?


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I'm sweating.