Wednesday, July 13, 2011


So, four weeks of (mostly) protein, a sort of Atkins-Peas hybrid diet, and I haven't managed to lose more than 2 kilos.

What the fuck?

No seriously. What. The. Fuck.

Do you think 8000 sardines, 8000 eggs and 8000 pieces of bacon is paradise, motherfucker?
No. Trust me. Turns out there is such a thing as too much bacon too much of a good thing.

The problem is that I'm now stuck in a sort of Protein obsessed purgatory.
Although eating a high protein diet has done nothing for my thighs, I have this crazy psychological barrier when it comes to reintroducing carbs into my diet.

Sure, I'll eat the odd cake and maybe have a tablespoon of rice with my curry (Jesus. Careful now, party animal), but I still can't actually bring my hands to pick up actual potatoes and bread.

It's been weeks since I had a fucking sandwich.
I love sandwiches.

Anyway, so I can't eat carbs because my brain won't allow me to. And for what, 2 measly kilograms?

Fuck. That.
I might've lost the battle, but I haven't lost the war.

No more Atkins. Enter..The Dukan Diet. I'm just going to go through all the diets on the tabloid market, go through them one by one, before I find one that actually works for me.

I won't do a Special K or cabbage soup diet, because 1) it's nasty and 2) I'd just end up with junk in my trunk afterwards.

Enter the Dukan Diet. K Middy does it, so it must be good.

The French have done it for years.

New day, new diet I say.

The beauty of Dukan's diet: You only eat protein on Thursdays.

Dude. You eat only meat and water on a Thursday.

You start off like Atkins, eating only protein for three days, then reintegrate other stuff.

And to make it better, one of my colleagues is doing it with me. We've been swanning around diets for the last 4 months together, and now we're going to do it together.

All I am allowed for three days is a piece of chicken for lunch and a yoghurt.

Right let's go. Let's lose some weight, fucker.


Revolving Credit said...

If you stick a piece of chicken and some lettuce between 2 slabs of steak doesn't it qualify as a sandwich??

Peas on Toast said...

Revvo - you're back! YAY!

Dude what a splendid idea. I'll just cook a couple of steaks and wedge a few cucumber slices between them.


Flarkit said...

Do these diets work though, if you stop following them? Trying to find a way to still enjoy the cheesecakes and dark-chocolate mousse and occasional KFC roun... I-mean-mushed-greenbeans-on-rye-toast-with-no-butter without picking up a belly all over again.

Exercise? Jeez, who has the time between commuting for 2hrs every day and 10-hr work days??

Peas on Toast said...

Flarkit - totally agree. And have since realised it's all a load of old crotch.

I;ve joined Weightwatchers cos it allows you to eat the occasional KFC/burger/tub of ice cream, which frankly sounds much more up my street.

And exercise, god, what a luxury. I try to cycle into work three times a week, but it doesn't seem to be doing much for weight loss, I'm just more energetic...

Flarkit said...

'Energetic' is good, you're burning more fat that way. Although you're probably also building muscle, which means your weight doesn't necessarily drop even though you may become leaner.

If only I *could* cycle to work everyday, but 65km is a leetle extreme for this PC-addict. I enjoy taking long walks in nature, swimming in the summer and watching quirky art-house films with a moccachocca hidden inside my shopping. ERK!