So, four weeks of (mostly) protein, a sort of Atkins-Peas hybrid diet, and I haven't managed to lose more than 2 kilos.
What the fuck?
No seriously. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think 8000 sardines, 8000 eggs and 8000 pieces of bacon is paradise, motherfucker?
No. Trust me. Turns out there is such a thing as
The problem is that I'm now stuck in a sort of Protein obsessed purgatory.
Although eating a high protein diet has done nothing for my thighs, I have this crazy psychological barrier when it comes to reintroducing carbs into my diet.
Sure, I'll eat the odd cake and maybe have a tablespoon of rice with my curry (Jesus. Careful now, party animal), but I still can't actually bring my hands to pick up actual potatoes and bread.
It's been weeks since I had a fucking sandwich.
I love sandwiches.
Anyway, so I can't eat carbs because my brain won't allow me to. And for what, 2 measly kilograms?
I might've lost the battle, but I haven't lost the war.
No more Atkins. Enter..The Dukan Diet. I'm just going to go through all the diets on the tabloid market, go through them one by one, before I find one that actually works for me.
I won't do a Special K or cabbage soup diet, because 1) it's nasty and 2) I'd just end up with junk in my trunk afterwards.
Enter the Dukan Diet. K Middy does it, so it must be good.
The French have done it for years.
New day, new diet I say.
The beauty of Dukan's diet: You only eat protein on Thursdays.
Dude. You eat only meat and water on a Thursday.
You start off like Atkins, eating only protein for three days, then reintegrate other stuff.
And to make it better, one of my colleagues is doing it with me. We've been swanning around diets for the last 4 months together, and now we're going to do it together.
All I am allowed for three days is a piece of chicken for lunch and a yoghurt.
Right let's go. Let's lose some weight, fucker.