Thursday, July 14, 2011

my new club


At least my fellow members understand irony, and well.

So the Dukan idea was short lived. I was on the Dukan diet for 5 seconds and decided it was pretty much what I'd be trying to do - and failing miserably - on Atkins anyway.

I got talked out of it. The colleague that I'm tag dieting with (it's a real hobby, tag dieting. Because I say so), said she tried Dukan and eating only skinless chicken breasts for 3 days made her go on a weekend binge fest that involved making love to vatfuls of cake.

Hmmm cake. I could make love to a cake.

Also, when I signed up for the Dukan diet online, this is what Monsieur Dukan had to say about my target weight:

Mate, you're taking the piss. The last time I weighed 56 kilos was after I got a kidney infection at varsity and didn't eat for a week.

Dr Dukan's strap line might be Five million French people can't be wrong, but i beg to differ. Are you trying to make me anorexic, asshole?

Perhaps. I mean look at Kate Middleton. You could snap her like a chicken. And she's on Dukan.

On top of arguing that my target weight is 56 kilos not 59 kilos, the man says it's going to take me two months to get there.

Fuck that. I would rather piss a load of pixels than wait...weight....that long.

So my Tag Dieter has convinced me to join...oh God the stigma...WeightWatchers.

Jesus. I belong to a fat club.



Peas: [Resignatory sigh] Babe I've joined WeightWatchers.

Brit: Why? What the fuck?

Peas: To lose 7 kilos. That I can't lose any other way.

Brit: You realise they'll laugh at you guys? You're not fat.

Peas: Yes I do realise there may be some larger, more rotund people there, but this is the only solution.
And Weightwatchers at least encourages you to be aware of what you smash in your pie hole. And creates a sustainable eating plan for you.

So I've ordered the scale, signed up and am now tracking everything I eat.

I'm allowed 29 points a day.
I can eat anything I want (Hmmm cake), as long as I stay within the 29 points law.

To give you an example - I can drink 4 pints of cider or not eat dinner.
Or I can eat roast potatoes, a steak and vegetables but not eat dessert.

You can decide where your points go. I can budget where I please. So if I want to eat an entire tub of ice cream, or more likely, a pie, then I can. It just means I can't eat anything more than salad for the rest of the day.

And tracking my food in this online tool thingie is actually almost fun. (Is this how accountant s feel when they number crunch? Do they get all excited?)

Might be worth mentioning I had four cocktails last night at a work do, so I am only starting today.

Fuck.

6 comments:

fuzzy logic said...

So remember those adverts in the Sunday Times magazine, of really ripped and gross muscley people? It turns out that they were actually on to something - they just took it a bit too far.
Try Body for Life for Women - don't be put off by the bulging forearms - because it actually has some sensible stuff in it. I lost a decent amount of weight, and got quite toned. It's more about sensible eating, rather than dieting, and it actually takes into account being a woman, and your phase of life - ie, we eat chocolate, deal with it!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/140507762X/ref=oss_product
But I suspect you prefer something a bit more extreme ;-)

Flarkit said...

Losing weight has to be a lifestyle choice, else it's a doomed mission. For most of us fun-loving, regular, non-ripped-abs-gym-bunnies, that means making healthy choices in bite-sized chunks:

Swop (swap?) the fried chips for a salad, have a water or juice instead of sugared drinks, try to get in more raw or steamed veg, ask yourself if you really need to have seconds and for-the-luvva-destressing-your-poor-ticker, get off the couch and go for a damned walk/cycle/swim a few times a week!

Most regular people who can adopt small, manageable, healthier changes to their lifestyles, will see huge improvements. Take them babysteps and keep at it, you'll see how easy it is.

Extreme dietary measures are for gym-freaks and weightwa... LOL!

I suppose it can't hurt to follow some regime that helps us be aware of what we shove at our faces. WW just has that Amway/Herbalife pyramid-scheme feel to me, for some bizarre reason.

SpecialK said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SpecialK said...

Peas, what about going on a raw food diet for a week? A guy I work with had fantastic results, and has kept it off the weight off. You could also try the Master Cleanse, although that's is to the extreme..

SpecialK said...

has managed to keep it off, phew. :P

cassey said...

Food journaling has really helped me, well that and a target for calorie count for the day. It helps you do what Flarkit's talking about. There are tons of apps, so check out those that appeal.