Wednesday, August 03, 2011

train fine


OK. New complaint.

Besides the one in my ass crack.

It relays back to my post about the Nanny State in which I find myself residing.

Dude. I got fined on the train this morning.

"Did you spit?" I get asked at work.

No. Dude. I don't spit. I am however sweating like a glazed ham as it's 30 degrees outside with humidity you could ski on.

Not to mention a pile in my backside. Did I mention the pile?

Why did I get fined? Glad you asked. I sat in first class for seven minutes. That's why.

So as rammed the train is every morning, I climb onto the thing from Clapham Junction to embark on the seven minute - seven minutes that feels like one hour when someone's armpit is all but in your face - journey to Victoria station.

Sometimes, like today, when it's so full your feet don't touch the ground, I slip into First Class.

Look, I'm related to royalty. I should be entitled to this, anyway.

There was a spare seat. So I sat down. It freed up more room for the more...common travellers in second class. You can't argue with that.


Besides . I have a fucking hemorrhoid. I'm claiming hemorrhoid because this bastard is ruining my life. I needed to sit for those whole seven minutes.

Anyway, am there and next thing, there's this ginormous stomach in my face. Someone's had a few pints and bangers in his life. And now it's in my face.

"Ticket check."

What? In rush hour? Fuck. Off.

And obviously because I had the wrong ticket, I got fined. Twenty quid.

We had to get off the train while he swiped my card in a machine. Apparently I can appeal if I think it's unfair.

They have on-the-spot card machines for train fines, FYI.

I missed South Africa more than ever after this frankly, STUPID AS FUCK scenario.

The train police. At home I could give someone a fiver and make the problem go away. Bribery and corruption is something one gets used to when one lives in a country governed by Jacob Zuma.

Well those party days are over.

I am twenty quid poorer and still have a pile.

PS: My mate: "Piles eh? Well no one wants to find their rectum in their pants."
No. No one does.

4 comments:

The Chantal said...

:/ when it's bad, it's bad, lol, hope nothing else happens.

That's what I like about SA, you break so many rules here and nothing happens, europeans are so anal about everything. Sometimes it's appealing but it's also cool to break the law and it's no biggie hah hah.

Peas on Toast said...

Chan - tell me about it! I suppose though., for freeloaders like me, it keeps things First World/orderly!

Monkigirl said...

I take it you're not riding your bike at the moment?

Peas on Toast said...

Monki - you can take that you are correct.

Jesus, can you imagine the pain?!