Thursday, October 06, 2011

i'm gonna go ahead and...

Firstly: RIP Steve Jobs. Your Apple products are amazeballs, you legend. It's weird to be in the Valley with this going on. Chitter chatter buzz all round. Anyway. A few new American observations.

Americans - at least in California - start many of their sentences off with:
"I'm gonna go ahead and..."

Mate. Every sentence.

"I'm gonna go ahead and get you all set?"
"I'm gonna go ahead and get you all set with your table?"
"I'm gonna go ahead and go ahead?"
"I'm gonna go ahead and have you look into the situation?"

You'll notice each sentence up there pocked with a question mark. Yes, in case there's failure to engage, I'm gonna go ahead and point out the obvious here - every sentence, is so like, a question? You know?

Well. After Chinese at a chain called PF. Chiang's, and more Napa Valley pinot noir, I went ahead and started speaking like an American all night.

I always do that.

Then after giant bowls of floating dim sums and other Chinese comestibles, a few of us went to a dive down the road of our hotel for a nightcap.


It was, like, totally like the movies man. Like, I'm gonna go ahead and assume I was in a movie about small town America.

I mean, Silicon Valley is kind of like Somerset West. Or Krugersdorp, except without the churches and Afrikaans. Malls, fast food, cars and big roads.

The lady behind the bar had a red mullet so fucking perfect, I ended up needing to stare at it for whole minutes at a time. She looked like Billy Ray fuckin' Cyrus.

She said things like "Honey, what'll you be havin'? Should I go ahead and get you a drink?"

She served us glasses of 'Faileys' because Baileys was not on the menu.

The place had a jukebox and a flickering 'Bud Light' sign.

There was a dude in there with his dog. Propping up the bar.

And I had a dance off with a guy who looked like Mr Chow from The Hangover II.

Mr Chow won. But then again, it was because someone had put Shania Twain on the jukebox.

So that was fun. Today, after hearing from our CEO, and a few more meetings, the team is doing a fun activity - cycling across San Francisco and the Bay Area, ending in Sausalito.

After all the dumplings and doughnuts I've made love to, a small bit of exercise wouldn't be a bad thing. Especially if it involves going over golden Gate bridge.

Last I checked though, San Francisco was the most hilly city in the world.

I'm just gonna go ahead though and have them set up my bike.

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