Wednesday, November 02, 2011
plastic pants, brutalism & chocolate biscuits
I want to go to Ukraine. And this picture is why.
So that was me. On a bad day.
What do girls do on a bad day? They make it good.
How do they do this? In no particular order:
Fall asleep on couch in chocolate digestive biscuit explosion. Crumbs and shit everywhere.
While watching Tool Academy, a wonderfully cuntish series involving scorned bitches who send their boyfriends off to boyfriend camp. Dicks who learn how to be nice, in 12 sizzling episodes of reality TV.
Sensational viewing. Except I fell asleep and the Brit had to carry me off to bed.
Masturbate and/or shag and/or shag your hand
Fell asleep on sofa last night in chocolate biscuit delirium. See above.
Good intentions of sexy time foiled by coma.
Buy a book on communist buildings for the coffee table
Saw this guy's work in a magazine in Poland. Scribbled his name down. He's amazing. Travelled the whole Eastern Bloc to take pictures of fucking ugly buildings, spawned by Communism.
What a bastard. That's my dream fucking job, motherfucker. I want to take pictures of brutalist-style architecture and travel around war-torn countries that were occupied by Russians.
I put my jealousy aside, and chose instead to buy his book.
He's good. He bleaches the photos to make them look like postcards. And now I am content in the knowledge that I have visited many of these cities and seen these buildings myself.
The buildings are so ridiculous, so ugly, and yet so beautiful. Check out some of the pictures.
This is the kind of shit I saw on our Skoda tour.
Anyway, bought it to make myself feel better. Boom.
Wear pleather trousers
Well no, not plastic leather., But jeans that have been painted.
It's my new schtick. Jeans that look like they've been dipped in black, shiny paint. Sounds hideous? You're wrong. They're fucking fantastic. They hold my fat in, there are no bulges, I feel like Rod Stewart and they're also fucking waterproof.
Where's the problem?