Wednesday, March 14, 2012
bad blouse decision
So mum gave me a whole bunch of stuff when I went back home. She loves clothes as much as I do. She's just better at finding vintage treasures than I am. I'm just better at buying them new.
So when she handed me a velvety-silk new stripey Max Mara blouse she found at a charity shop, I took it.
It's not my usual scene, but I thought what the hey. London is very blouse-oriented. I don't wear t-shirts anymore. I'm into blouses and serious clothes. Clothes that work for good times and my career.
I tumbled out of bed this morning, pulled my hair into a bun and whacked the blouse on. With a pencil skirt. I thought everything was fine.
Until, cue right, as I headed for the tea counter to make a brew, My Old New Best Gay Friend approached.
Gayest Irish man you'll ever meet. I adore him. And I trust his judgement. He's gay. So it would be in my interest to.
Sidles up to me, looking horrified. "Where'd you get that?".
He appears to be pointing to the blouse.
Him: For God's sake woman, it's completely hideous.
Him: Take it off. It's an absolute disaster.
Me: Really?! But it's Max Mara.
Him: Is Max Mara for middle aged women? Because you look like a middle aged school teacher.
Me: I appreciate your brutal, gay honesty, I really do, but feel the texture! Feel it. Now.
Him: Take it off. And with that bun in your hair, crisis you look terrible.
Him: Seriously, where did you get that? Your mother?
Me: Actually yes.
Him: That makes sense.
Me: OK OK. Fuck. Can I jazz it up do you think? I know, maybe I can tie it in an 80s-esque bow around the middle?
Him: Jesus wept.
Me: Fuck OK. How about if I let it hang loose, like a sort of shirt-coat.
Him: Like a...smock? The bow. The bow. The 80s called. It wants it's shirt back.
Reverted to tying it - like a bow - around my midriff. Obliterating the pencil skirt.
It's the lesser of two evil looks.
How did I get it so wrong?
The Canadian said it might look good with "high waisted jeans." Oh, like Mom Jeans?
Despite the crushing disappointment, embracing my today persona of square teacher. I've put a pencil in my bun to appear nonchalantly ironic.
It does pay to have an honest gay man around too.