In one week all the lovely, crunchy orange leaves upped and fucked off, leaving stark sticks on the trees, and thick frost is literally covering all over the Ferraris parked in our street.
(We live on a road filled with rich people. Save our house on the end, which is like the black hole of the street. Filled with the likes of us and Tourettes hoarders, for example.)
So all the Ferraris parked on the street - one being Gordon Ramsay's - are covered with thick icy frost, and I'm now ready as fuck for that downhill luge into Christmas. The inevitable slide towards warm food, mulled cider and playing the fool.
With days like these:
One needs some ample clothing. And because last year I never frigging got one, this year I made sure I did. Matching. His & Hers:
When I say 'retarded' I mean people in society that probably shouldn't be allowed to shop because rails of clothes priced at below £5 an item, or thereabouts, turns them into violent, crazy fuckbags.
You'll always get a deal in Primarni. And most people will always say, "Hey, where did you get that?"
Oh, Primark, can you believe it? And they'll say - nearly always - "No ways. It totally doesn't look like it's from Primark." That - right there - is the key phrase. Which is why people shop there. If they can bear the chavtastic behaviour of some of the more regular patrons.
Anyway, the office party this year is dictating that we all dress up in Christmas jumpers.
I saw these at Primark and went totally BOSBEKAK for them.
To be clear, I am the only one that's really excited about this. The Brit's jumper (left) is actually an oversized female jumper, size 20, because there weren't any normal-sized ones left.
My jumper is a 9-10 year old boys jumper. I'm squeezing my chest into a thing that was crafted for a kid.
They are both going to look really shit. But I don't care. The dude at Primark reckoned that their Christmas jumpers have been such a hit this year that they sold over 3 000 of those reindeer ones in just two days.
Tall claim maybe, but given this Primark chain is across the road from my office, I'm guessing they were all snapped up by the staff in my building for our party. That...or MAJOR TREND ALERT. Bridget Jones' Christmas jumper, 13 years later, is the hottest thing since studded wedges.
Too bad you Saffas only get to wear bikinis at Christmas. Yeah, see, you totally want one now too. I'll bet you do.