Underestimating the power of the current, the dazed, confused and desperately bloody hungry Ukranian couple clung to each other as they were dragged through the Sydney harbour, with luminous yellow excrement floating behind them.
After three hours, they found themselves at the end of a jetty. A mammoth sign hung above them: ‘WELCOME TO TARONGA ZOO’.
They dragged themselves out of the water, and along the jetty, tripping over pelicans and discussing which zoo animal would make the most convenient dinner.
Then they heard a voice. Huh? Who was speaking so loud at 11:32 at night?
Suddenly, all the lights in the Zoo came on, and hundreds of kids came screaming along a passage, stuffing candy floss into their mouths, and squawking like birds of prey on an acid-speed combination.
“Fucken hell Nasti. I forgot it’s bloody Friday. Late Night Zoo Day. I read about that on Jason Donovan’s Save The Pelican Facebook page. It’s his initiative,” said Stani, ever the chalice of knowledge.
They crouched down and hid under the techni-coloured dream coat they’d stolen from Joseph, and hoped they’d be mistaken for a Koala, dipped in paint.
They were trapped in a zoo with a bunch of extremely high kids.
Next thing, Jason Donovan, whose techni-colour dreamcoat had been ripped right off of his body by the Ukrainians, right on stage, came charging through the zoo.
"WHOSE STOLEN MY COAT MATE? I HAVE A GEEG TO FEENISH HEERE AND EET'S NOT VERY POLOITE TO STEAL A GOIY'S COAT, MATE."
He was running around in a bit of a flap, completely starkers, and since he hadn't had a trim - down under - [geddit?] for a while, he should've been a bit more bashful about letting it all hang out. The Ukrainians were cowering underneath the techni-colour dreamcoat pretending to be koala's dipped in paint, when Jason Donovan suddenly recognised the coat.
With his shlong a-swinging everywhere, he started running towards the magical, rainbow cloth. Suddenly he was blinded by a flash memory.
(That or latent atomic glow from those free radioactive energy drinks they were handing out in the opera house during the interval)
It was like a vision that permeated from the sky. Raining down on him like a large giant radioactive glowing cloud. Within the cloud, Kylie Minogue emerged, wearing a toga. Beckoning him. Just like an 80s music video.
The Ukrainians and the high kids stared as the vision turned real. It wasn’t just in Jason Donovan's head after all. Kylie was literally floating down to Taronga Zoo on a cloud. Everyone stopped. It was like the BEST reunited Neighbours episode in heestory.
She jumped off the cloud and said "Shall we Jayson? Just like the old toimes?"
And they started to sing. Their most famous, cheesy ballad that was ever known to man. Who lived in Australia. During the 80s: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGuNsiSZ9RI
Feels like they should probably die now, right?
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Well. Thank God that's over.