my big fat gypsy wedding list

It's officially the countdown to our wedding - the tick tock booms across my cranium. Weirdly enough, I haven't been counting the days, but I know it's close now. It's just about 2.5 weeks away.

This is the stuff we are doing to get to this point. In case you wondered why weddings mess with the heads of even the most chilled out people you know.

1) Organise steamer for my wedding dress
2) Organise pre-nup agreement
3) Organise when to visit home Affairs and sign pre-nup two days before wedding
4) Sort out finances with unit trust man and figure out when I'll have time to do this
5) Get paperwork altogether for legal wedding stuff and finances
6) Finish table plan
7) Add last minute RSVPs (Grrr! Come on people, you've had almost 8 months!)
8) Orgainise extra place settings for new people
9) Finish wedding favours (gifts for guests), making them pretty and making sure there are enough
10) Track my shipping on items being sent to me/my mother for wedding
11) Figure out how will carry all this stuff in suitcase to South Africa
12) Liaise with dressmaker on bridesmaids dresses and payment
13) Fix my London feet (because they look bad) before I can put on my new wedding shoes. Buy every kind of callous remedy under the sun sky
14) Finalise DJ song list
15) Whiten teeth (top up BRIGHTNESS with the gel I have)
16) Exfoliate skin every second night so that I can apply a bronzing solution to the blue-whiteness
17) Organise a spray tan in South Africa
18) PAY ALL THE BILLS. Catering, flowers, cars, props, flowers, hair and makeup
19) Mop up the sweat once you've done that
20) Finalise ceremony service
21) Have my hair trimmed and risned with a shining brunette treatment
22) Have a hydrating facial to plump up skin
23) Confirm babysitters for Wayne and Dwayne, my guinea pigs
24) Organise two large media events at work
25) Attend to gym schedule rigirously, while still maintaining current weight and monitoring closely
26) Make hangover packs for all the guests staying over
27) Finalise dance routine
28) Send notes to bridesmaids while trying not to sound too bossy or freaking-out y.*
29) Draw up MC list of responsibilities and groomsmen responsibilities
30) Help keep the Brit calm while he creates his speech
31) Liaise with cake lady about topping

Dude. And I've ticked off most of what I've had to do already. The rest of this stuff can mostly only really be done once I get there.

Organising a wedding from another country? It has its pros and cons. And if you're up for a serious challenge, then I say do it. If you're all for knowing what the fuck is going down, all the time, then definitely don't. So if you're from Kazakhstan, get married in Kazakhstan.

I'm going to need a lot of gin & tonic over the next few weeks.

* I'm not quite sure what my bridesmaids make of me as a bride. I think once I get there, there'll be a unanimous, "Oh dear Christ, just get her married and drunk already." But I've tried really hard to keep it all under the hat until that moment i land. Then my Bridezilla is coming to party. Be warned.